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Have you ever been cheated on, guys? If so, what did you do? Did you stay with him/them and did the two of you try to work it out? Conversely, have you ever cheated on someone and if so, why?
We are asking because we stumbled upon a thread by -SSUnknown- whose boyfriend cheated on him with said boyfriend’s best friend. He is, therefore, asking netizens for suggestions on what he should do about the situation. He related that they’d been in a relationship for over a year now and “almost living together for a year.”
They recently got into a huge fight that resulted to him leaving the apartment for a few days but when he came back, he “felt like something was off.” He explained, “My boyfriend felt sick, and kept on getting me nice things, or doing more around the apartment (more than usual).” And then he noticed the missing condom, so he decided to talk to his boyfriend but in a roundabout way at first. “Did you do anything while I was gone?” His boyfriend lied and said, “No, I was just here, and **** came over, that was it, why are you asking?”
When he told him about the missing condom, his boyfriend “sighed, and told me he did things with his best friend.” He added, “His best friend and I WORK together, we’ve known each other for YEARS, almost 4. I can’t leave because of my lease, and he doesn’t have a job right now, so I’d be abandoning him, my cats, and my other pets, with him having nowhere to go.” Read his post in full here.
If you were the original poster (OP) of the thread, guys, what would you do?
Some readers like grannys_bussy think the cheating boyfriend deserves a second chance, “He’s a good guy because he told the truth, I personally think he needs a second chance. If he does it again then I would tell him third strike or he’s done.”
Other guys like user SnooPuppers7959, on the other hand, think that he should leave his cheating boyfriend: “People fucked up? Like when accidently falling on a dick? Every cheating is several mistakes. Having sex is a multi-steps process he could have stopped it before the act and choose not to.”
However, a few respondents on the thread said that their decision depends on the situation. Reader DashTiger84 said that if it were him, his decision would depend on the cheating boyfriend, “If the cheater is remorseful and comes forward about the infidelity, then there is a chance it truly was just a foul up and can be saved. If the cheater lies, or tries to blame their partner, then it should be over.”
What about you, guys, what would you do if you were in this situation? Will you forgive your cheating boyfriend/partner/husband or is cheating a deal breaker for you? Share with us your thoughts and stories in the comments section below!
every man has urges and if the relationship were strong than it would not have happened no matter the opportunity obviouse they are not in true love and only did it cause it was out of human urge and chemistry happened dont blame the bad guy both need to work on ltr more and get all out on the table first and make all the boundries not rules , all men cheat , as i say only cheat because temptation was there and or partner was not reciprocating all his partners urges of a fatihful ltr,, good luck and best… Read more »
Your implication that partners in “strong relationships” never cheat is total bullshit. What kind of kindergarten psychology bullshit is that?
It depends on the type of relationship. If I am in an open relationship, then how can you cheat unless you’re telling someone else you love them.
If I am in a relationship that is monogamous and he steps out, that is cheating and we’re done.
Isn’t that what an “open relationship” is – telling 1 person you love them yet “fooling around” with others?
Read my comment. It’s in plain English. I know like Mother and Kasper, reading and comprehension are not your strong suits.
Cheating with my best friend? Did I read that correctly? If so then NO second chance even if he admitted it. If it wasn’t an open relationship then NO, move on because it will happen again.
I was in a situation of like this many years ago. I was dating a guy while I was in the military. A friend of a friend invited us, with a bunch of our friends, to stay the weekend at his ranch. I had to work the weekend but I told my bf to go ahead and have fun. Monday came and I met my bf and I asked if he had fun and he said yeah. I asked if he fooled around with anyone else, even though we had an understanding between us, and he said no. Two days… Read more »
I don’t get open relationships…..WHY commit to somebody if you’re having sex with anybody?
really i think thats how people catch stds and shit
I am one of those people who believe in communication and getting as much of an understanding as possible prior to relationships. So if we agreed on a loose friendship with NSA if you will, then I probably wouldn’t care who he saw in between the time we spent together. If we agreed on exclusivity, then it would be a deal breaker. I believe if I can master the moment and walk away from someone coming on to me even very strongly and even being flattered, I wouldn’t feel good myself by cheating for a moment and have cake and… Read more »
I think you guys should think about staying together and discussing an open relationship on the best terms possible. Monogamous relationships are possible but sometimes neither is being honest about what they are willing to give up or give in to.
Well as I read this blog post and this particular situation if this is and was just messing around with the friend of one of these guys ….like making out things of that nature possibly you could forgive and if you’re willing to work on it but no – cheating for me is a absolute Huge No no dealbreaker I don’t care who you think you are I don’t care what you think you’re about because if you can do that to me then you literally can do anything else thaa wast you claim to be involved in a relationship… Read more »
Well since it’s the best friend he needs to drop him like a bad habit.. that’s a smack in the face because he knows the best friend. That is so rude. If it was someone he didn’t know I would say give him another chance
I had a similar situation. This was an ex who was so good you couldn’t really catch them. I had my suspicions because…drug users. You know how that is. But allegedly he got clean for me, got an apartment in the gayborhood, and begged me to move in. A few months down the line I get off work and get ready for my usual routine. Shower, sex, and eating. I shower but when I reach for my towel, it’s clear someone used it. I reach for his towel. It’s wet too. My life is over now. I can feel the… Read more »
Whew, being in love can really do a trip on your head, you know, it’s just not that cut and dry, to say, you’d leave him; your heart is involved, it’s like being in really hot-water physically. A knee-jerk reaction as a pragmatic though: he used a condom-GOOD!!! Secondly he’s forthcoming, did not make some lame-ass excuse like he’s layin’ it on you why he cheated. Either way, you’ll need some time to think about where you guys are going from here or ‘if’ both will go forth together or split. Have yourself a good cry, throw something/s, feel angry… Read more »
Oh wow. Great post. My bf does the outside relationship activities but he does use condoms because I’m there for every purchase and remind him that he has had 12 experiences in 2 months or however long it is.
It is just SEX! getting off, the 5 to 9 minutes of pleasure. The intention was to get off not seeking a new partner in life. In any relationship, there will be one of the two that more of an appetite for sex or having a need for sexual release! the proven fact that in every relationship one is the alpha!
If you’re having sex for 5-9 minutes of pleasure, you are doing it wrong… way way wrong!
If you just want to have sex….DON’T GET IN A RELATIONSHIP!!!
Had my 1st boyfriend at 16. I cheated, because I was young and immature.
I had no idea how to conduct myself in a serious relationship. Once I got older, I never cheated or lied. If I no longer wanted to be with you, I told you so. Thanks to social media, cell phones, and hook up apps, I don’t think it’s possible for gay men to be in a healthy, committed, monogamous relationship.
In the 80s, ALL of my friends wanted a “lover.” Being in a committed relationship was a BIG deal; something to aspire to.
One strike and he is OUT. See ya, don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
When Is Cheating a Deal Breaker? For some of us, it’s complicated. Whether you choose to forgive a person who cheats on you or breaks up with them is up to you. There’s no inherently right or wrong choice. What matters most is how and why you make your decision. If you choose to forgive a person for cheating on you because you’re so frightened to lose them that you don’t hold them accountable for the way they treat you, that’s a problem. And it’s only going to crop up again later in your relationship. The same thing goes if… Read more »
It’s the reason I’ve been single for over 21 years.
Dumped my then bf when I caught him going down on his ex outside a bar in Dayton Ohio in Nov./99. Been single since.
If you’ve been single for 21 years, I can guarantee you there are more causes than just seeing your boyfriend blow his ex outside a bar. Presuming, of course, that you’re well-adjusted person. You might be fucking crazy, in case there would be plenty of other reasons.
I’ve been single since Sept. 1999 myself…..& was never in relationships until I graduated college in June 1996. For that 3 year period, I had 6 relationships: 1 – (long distance) he found somebody closer, 2 – (local) dumped me via a “Dear John” E-Mail on my bd, 3 – (long distance) found somebody closer, 4 – (local) dumped me because was with me while fighting with his real bf, 5 – (local) flirted with a waiter IN FRONT OF ME while celebrating our anniversary…dumped me to date them, & 6 – (local) I dumped because he broke a promise… Read more »
I’m actually surprised no one has commented yet. So I’ll give it a go and hopefully no one hates me for my answer. I’ve been on both sides of this and widely different views or somehow evolved in a way. Let’s start with me being cheated on, i did stay with him first and foremost, call me old fashioned but if you love someone you’ll work it out no matter what. But i can relate to the guy’s story about his bf and best friend. My bf at the time didn’t have a job and I worked like 12 hours… Read more »
It’s difficult to say what the OP should do because of the situation he has brought himself to. He brought a new boyfriend he had only been dating a short time to live in his home. He created a parent child relationship with the new boyfriend. The new boyfriend did not have significant financial or domestic responsibilities. We do not know if the monogamy or sexual exclusivity was a firm, discussed commitment or if it was an implied, hopeful “understanding.” The OP vacated the residence for several days after an argument, leaving his pets and possessions behind. He’s also considering… Read more »
I cheated in a 16 year plus relationship and it continued off and on. I never blamed my partner as I struggled with truly bearing my feelings and being okay if he didn’t love me..However, I stayed guarded and suspicious.. Wrong move and it cost me someone I had fallen in love with…There were other issues but I’m responding about my actions and inactions. Today I’m single and will remain that way until I meet someone that appreciates me and not just my looks, skin color etc…. Just Being Honest…
Cheating has only ever been a deal-breaker for me because it has pretty much ALWAYS been the other person (male or female) who puts that on the table– and then THEY break the rule! How much faith am I suppose to have in a person who breaks their own rules (often at my expense)?
I’ve been in a relationship with a guy from eastern Europe (black here) for almost a year. He’s very thoughtful, caring, attractive inside and out plus charming. Our Achilles has always been his need to continue with side play. I’ve allowed this to happen so in my OP, I’m just as guilty. Lately he’s been acting more attached and doing wonderful things that give me some feeling of being special. The only thing is I’m hesitant to embrace this behavior and basically timing when he gets in the off put mood. I ask him if he wants to go our… Read more »
I’ve cheated on every boyfriend I’ve had. Now, I tell potential boyfriends that they need to deal with me getting fucked by other guys if they want a relationship.
If they cheat once, they will a cheat a million times. Move out.
Dropping people from your life that lack integrity would be a good start
the cheater MUST go…regardless. truly LOVE someone you would NEVER cheat no matter what the circumstances are/were!!!
This is sentiment bullshit. Grow the fuck up.
Once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater!…hard when love is involved…but being hurt and suspicious is NO way to be in a committed relationship….MOVE on!!!!
I put up with my husband blatantly cheating on me for a couple of years. Then I realized that I deserved to be respected and valued. That was the end of us.
Cheating??? Not as much as the dishonesty, lack of communication, breaking of trust. I would hope that if myself or a partner is having an interest in someone else that we would sit down, discuss, negotiate before it happens.
One more point. Statistically 50% of all married individuals will have an adulterous relationship in their lifetime. This country is driven by serial monogamy. In a typical college classroom setting up to 10% of the students have a father different than the one they know. This is not a gay issue as much as an exercise in humanity. And this is not a gender thing either. Studies have shown that with a lie detector women have as many sexual partners/liaisons as men. That being the case, rather than building a relationship on conditional love, i.e. I will love you only… Read more »
I’ve had 2 bf’s similar to this. 1, I found out, was dating me because he was fighting with his REAL bf & dumped me to get back together. The other, while we were @ a restaurant celebrating either our 3 or 6 month anniversary, flirted with the waiter & gave him his phone # RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME Later that night, the waiter called him & I left while they chatted. I found out just days later they were dating.
Cheating a deal breaker, 1,000% in my book of finding Mr. Right! A gay man’s word is about all he/she can ever offer another. The truth, to be true, is the only foundation of a real friendship. The bases are the friendship to be free of games, lies, and “they won’t know”….yes they will if there is a truthful conscience of doing the right thing. Men, especially gay men love to play games with a potential mate with whom he knows there is no long friendship or building a relationship with. It’s just a one-time flight, wham!, bam!, thanks for… Read more »