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For many gay and bisexual men, it’s almost inevitable to catch feelings for a straight guy at some point. They’re everywhere—classmates, coworkers, teammates, neighbors—and often the first men we ever admire or fantasize about. Maybe it’s the thrill of the forbidden or the curiosity of wondering what might happen if he ever blurred the lines. Whatever the reason, the attraction can feel magnetic.
But feeling drawn to a straight man is one thing; admitting those feelings is something else entirely. A confession can open the door to unexpected outcomes—some good, some painful. Maybe he surprises you and says he’s curious. Maybe he appreciates your honesty but doesn’t feel the same way. Or maybe he reacts badly, with anger or even violence. The truth is, no two situations are alike, and the risk is real. Would you rather keep the secret to protect your heart and your safety, or lay it all out and see where things go?
Anyway, what about you, Adam4Adam blog readers? Have you ever told a straight friend that you liked him? How did he take it? Did it bring you closer, spark a hookup, create awkward distance, or end the friendship altogether? Did confessing give you relief—or regret? Your stories can shed light on what it’s really like to walk this tricky line between desire and disclosure.
Some Adam4Adam blog readers have weighed in with their own experiences and perspectives in the past. One man offered a strong warning, “I think gay men are taking this stuff too far. To tell a man you know isn’t gay you are asking for trouble. And when trouble come’s you wonder why. Stay in your lane and quit wanting every man to be gay. That is foolish and can bring you harm and also cause him to go to jail for whipping your ass. You caused it because you crossed the line. Stay in your line, be safe, and live.”
Others described the quiet pain of keeping feelings inside. One reader admitted, “I had crushes on so many of my straight friends that, since nothing ever happened, I built up an immunity to falling in love even when I have dated gay guys. It’s not good.”
Another guy shared, “I have 2 straight male friends, they know I’m gay and are cool with it. But I never told either one I’m physically attracted to them. I treasure the friendship and don’t want to jeopardize it! Personally, I made a conscious decision to value the friendship MORE, a decision I haven’t regretted yet!!”
Not everyone stays silent. One reader confessed, “I’m in therapy twice a week over my straight friend who I am in love and infatuated with. He knows and seems to get off on telling me about his heterosexual conquests. It hurts so bad, but I don’t want him to stop.”
Meanwhile, others found more positive outcomes like this gay man who shared, “I sure would and I have told one of my best friends. When I told him he laughed and thought it was funny and he told me that he felt that he knew and was just waiting for me to tell him. He is one of my best friends, and as of today, we still care for one another and even tell each other that we love one another.” For others, however, the result is bittersweet: “I told my straight best friend. Obviously, he did not reciprocate, but he was very kind about it. We were roommates, so we moved to separate places and are distant now. Such is life.”
Having said all that, what about you? Have you ever confessed your feelings for a straight friend? Did you take the chance in hopes he might secretly feel the same—or did you stay silent to protect your heart and your friendship? Do you believe honesty is worth the risk, or is it better to keep fantasies private when the attraction might never be returned?
Share your thoughts and stories in the comments section down below. You never know; your experience might help someone else struggling with the same dilemma.
That’s for people who make poor choices and enjoy derailing their lives
And then they claim they’re the victim.
I find unnecessary judgement and giving advice to be a waste of human value. So, read these lips, ”NO COMMENT”.
Yo, white bread, you just made a “COMMENT” by posting a “REPLY”!
Anytime you tell anyone you’re attracted to them, you risk rejection and/or distancing if they don’t feel the same. Gay or Straight, there’s no difference. You could tell a Gay guy you’re attracted to him and find out he’s not attracted to you, physically or emotionally. Straight men or women could tell another Straight man or woman they’re attracted to them with the same results. Love comes with risks. If you like someone whose sexuality matches yours, take the risk and let them gently know. With my Straight male friends. I respect their sexuality, never fantasize about sex with them,… Read more »
That’s one of the best opinions you’ve ever given on here.
a compliment or an acknowledgement of his existence?
Stop over thinking-reading more into; than what it is.
That’s a no-no I have a straight friend for over 20 years and although im not attracted to him at all, coming on to your straight friends is not cool at all. That makes people paranoid and just not a good look. Now if you can’t control your feelings for this friend, then maybe you should be honest and reveal to them you all need to spend less time together or drop friendship because you can’t control your attraction and want more… thats what I would do. Ive been in a situation before where I was attracted to a straight… Read more »
If someone truly understands “Heterosexuality,” telling a Hetero that you, a Homosexual, is pointless – unless the liking is plutonic? Why burden a Hetero with Homo? One cancels the other out. Sometimes, leave well enough alone and let the “Hetero” figure it out for himself. If that happens and the Hetero still engages the Homo, then the Hetero is already acclimated to the unveiling?
Good point. It does mean that Gays have to accept a male friend who is Straight as just that. No trying to “flip” him. Of course, the friend at some point would come to understand you’re Gay in the course of everyday discourse. The friend would get it if there’d be no discussions like “Susan and I went out of town this weekend.” It’d be “Bob and I went out of town …” If the Straight still friends you, you have a friend. But too many Gays don’t seem to let that happen. Some do, but some others mess things… Read more »
a regurgitation of what I already wrote? It wasn’t necessary, of course, but nevertheless, it was sweet of you!
That’s never going to end well. It’s a hard no for me.
Any friend worth having can take it as a compliment. It’s more a problem with strangers.
Why is it the friend’s job to take a damn thing? Any Straight friend you have you shouldn’t approach for a physical or emotional relationship. Don’t hide yours; don’t taunt him. Simple.
Tell the TRUTH if your “STR8” friend asks – otherwise just GRIN and BEAR it and enjoy the companionship if it’s beneficial for YOU!!!!!!!!!
No. Why tell somebody you like them if you know nothing will change between you?
I can agree with this if what is said is “you think he’s attractive”. But as soon as you say feelings are involved, …..
No i wouldn’t,the way life is today,is there straight guys left?Never seen so many gay ppl,even in rural small towns/communities they are a lot of them !
I think it all depends on the timing these days, it could go really bad or it could be really good,, I’m not sure if it any straight guys these days, it’s so many of us DL/bi guys nowadays days, lot of us married to women because we’re still into women and pussy like myself, and some are married to women to Cover the fact that they prefer men,
CUM OUT and live your TRUE SELF – you might ACTUALLY turn out to be HAPPY when you let the TRUTH be KNOWN!!!!!!!!! THANK the LORD I NEVER fell into that trap of SEEKING approval and acceptance from “society” like LOTS of people CRAVE more than anything!!!! 🙁
Who the fuck said they wasn’t happy, I am happy, I just don’t ever want to come out, I’m sure my family would except me no matter what, you are still on here with this bullshit, I think maybe you’re not happy, I’m not seeking approval from any one, what do he fuck are you talking about, just because a man is not out that doesn’t mean he’s not happy
BULLSHIT you COWARD!!! Me thinks THO PROTEST TOO MUCH!!!!! If the SHOE fits, WEAR IT – closet case!!!!!!!! 🙁 TOO many COWARDS out there in the 21st CENTURY – SAD as FUCK!!!!!!!!! 🙁
Ok yes I’m a coward for not wanting to come out, Key words (not wanting to come out), , So how does that makes you feel ? And how does it affect you ? It’s obviously affecting you in some way,
My sexual awakening in high school was rife with sexual yearnings only for the cute tough guys who frequently put fags in hospital. Uninterested in flirting with females, with their peculiar body parts, I finally found the strength and chutzpah to celebrate with balls out, the exhuberant joy of flirting with straight Men, bisexual Men with total abandon in my early fifties. Far to long cowering, I say. I did have to reel it in somewhat, to respect the line of sexual conduct unbecomingly directed to a senior principal of the architecture and interior design firm where I was employeed.… Read more »
SAD that not many of the dudes that READ your COMMENT have the BALLS to be out and ACT BOLDLY!!! I’m RIGHT there with ya tho, brother!!!!! 🙂
The term like is rather ambiguous in this question. There are many ways to like a person. Good conversation, excellent advice, etc. So, I have no problem telling someone I like those types of things. However, if the question is really about telling a straight person that I am sexually attracted to him then I’d leave well enough alone. True friendship is valuable.
I heard it was boy pussy, with the b from boy switched forbthe p that should be in pussy, something like that to reinforce the tribal confusion around gendercroles, identity and the prevailing accep tea ance of our behavioral health crisis. What passes as norm social interaction alarms jevfora few reasons. I may be tilting at windmills, so heed the addage,” maybe shut up is your vest friend.
Best way to do it is bring in a slutty female and then bust his ass while he
is fucking her. Works pretty well if your bi, or don’t mind the smell of fish. Sucking the cum out of pussy foreshadows the action. Working his balls while he does her doggy style is another way to break the ice. Works well for me
Hi David. This is Bob. I got tickets for the game, wanna go with me? Sure Bob. I’ll drive. Pick you up at 7. See you then. Walking thru the parking lot after the game David wraps an arm around Bob, pulls him in for a hug and says Great game! Thanks for inviting me. Let’s stop and have a beer on the way home. I enjoyed it too. Beer sounds great. Are Bob and Dave friends? Does Bob like Dave? Does Dave like Bob? Is Dave gay? Is Bob Straight? Who cares? Like is the wrong word to use… Read more »
Hell to the no. There is no reason to tell a straight guy you have feelings for them unless you are doing the smart thing by distancing yourself in an effort to lessen or lose those feelings, and they ask you why you are becoming distant. Only then I think I would tell them, that I caught feelings toward them, which I already understand will never be reciprocated, and me distancing myself is how I am trying to keep things from getting weird.
I told an Army buddy when we got out. We knew we were having wet dreams about each other because we communicated that. I knew when he had one about me because he would stop talking to me (while in the Army) for a couple of days so we talked about it. When we left the military, he came to visit me in Florida and returned home to Wisconsin. One day we were talking on the phone and he felt something was wrong and keep telling me to say it so, I flat out asked him if he would have… Read more »
No, it would serve no one. What would be the point?
I did. It didn’t turn out well at all. Tho, we are no longer Friends… it still was worth it. You gotta be true to yourself.
I’m in the, “Not cool” camp myself. However, I just had a straight friend that I have known for many years surprise me by taking me to a local LGBTQ bar. Turns out he goes there on his own occasionally to meet new people. I’m not out, and don’t think I will ever approach him either. I consider him in the “Friend” Zone and don’t want to change anything even though it is tempting to finally come out to someone. Also, just because he goes there occasionally really means nothing.
OK, he’s taken you to an LGBTQ bar where he told you he goes “to meet new people”. You didn’t say No to going. This is not “really means nothing.”
Looks like he already took the risk because he values you but doesn’t know what to do. “Friend Zone”? He may not think that; you may think that because you’ve respected that he’s Straight.
If he’s really that important of a friend, you need to have you and him put your cards on the table and talk. He and you will get to move on to what’s next..
It really depends on the person, regardless if they are straight or not. Bracing for rejection, followed by embarrassment hit each of us differently. People can tell when I like them or start developing feelings for them, and I hate it. I can’t mask it like I thought I could. I did tell one straight friend I liked him, and he was confused, but eventually tried to use it to his advantage asking for stuff.
I can’t profess to know what is going on in someone’s life that they would take that risk. It seems that people who would do this don’t understand the true meaning of what a friendship is. There are too many gay/bi men out there to decide that your straight “friend” is the one you NEED to be with sexually. It runs the risk of losing that friendship because your desire will be felt by that person who, if they truly DON’T see nor want you in that way, your time together then becomes an awkward situation for the straight person… Read more »