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Do you still believe in love? Or has the modern gay dating scene made you wonder if it’s even worth it anymore? Are you tired of endless swiping, flirty chats that go nowhere, or relationships that never get off the ground? Has gay dating changed too much over the past few years? More importantly, hooking up these days is easy, is love still worth it?
For many gay men, dating has become a source of frustration rather than excitement. The hookup culture, ghosting, lack of emotional availability, and ever-shifting expectations can make it feel like lasting connections have become increasingly rare. Add in the stress of navigating apps, mixed intentions, and post-pandemic social changes, and it’s easy to see why some gay men feel burnt out on romance altogether.
But does giving up mean you’re bitter? Or are you simply protecting your peace?
These are the kinds of questions a gay man recently posed in an online forum, sparking a passionate conversation among readers. He asked, “Has anyone completely given up on dating? And what are your thoughts on the current state of gay dating? Hey y’all. Just curious to see what your thoughts and experiences are on these topics…”
The responses varied, but to many, the question struck a chord. One gay man shared a hopeful yet realistic take: Very thankful to be in a long-term and happy relationship with the man of my dreams. Like me, he’s very against making being gay a center of his personality and we click on so many fronts.” He added, “There is a lot of noise and games in dating these days. Keep your head on straight, know what your ultimate goal is. Each failed talking stage presents a lesson.”
Another guy shared, “I haven’t fully given up, but I’ve resigned myself to being comfortable in my own skin. I’m not putting myself through the apps, the toxicity, and hassle of trying to be out there like a piece of meat.”
For some, exhaustion has simply taken over, like for this guy who said, “I’ve been in relationships for the better part of my life. I’m done dating LOL. I don’t think we’ve shaken off the pandemic’s effect on emotional connection.”
On the other hand, others critiqued the current landscape more harshly:
“Gay dates are in critical condition, unfortunately, sex is very easy. And in my opinion, sex is one of the apexes of a relationship. If people can get that so easily, why would they invest in the trials of a relationship?”
Meanwhile, another guy put it bluntly: “The thought of a life of hookups is depressing.”
Not everyone is disillusioned, though. Some readers expressed optimism that meaningful connections still exist. “There’s definitely still hope. It can be exhausting to put yourself out there, but I’m just taking a break to focus on myself.”
Lastly, another man chose a different path: “I’ve actually done the opposite. I gave up on hookups and committed myself to finding a BF or FWB. Invest in meaningful sex, not just cheap hookups.”
What about you, Adam4Adam blog readers? Have you given up on dating, or just redefined what it means to you? Do you believe a true connection is still possible in the gay world today? How has your own experience shaped your views? Share your stories and experiences, sound off in the comments section below!
This article takes narrow views of both “love” and “dating”. It assumes that dating and love and a long-term relationship is sequential. That sequence is possible for Gay men, but it’s not the norm. Dating for some means two guys looking for a long-term relationship meet (for dinner, a movie, an event). If there’s “a connection”, there would be multiple meetings. Sex would enter at an agreed to point. If those meetings become long-term, the relationship moves on from there. Dating for some means two guys looking for hookup sex meet (for dinner, a movie, and event) first. If there’s… Read more »
I would love to be dating (if not in an LTR).
However, I can’t even meet anybody for coffee much less even a hookup.
Having somebody showing any kind of interest would be appreciated.
factual desperation? it is a plight suffered by many. you are not alone!
Wish I knew the answer. I’ve been told it’s my (dis)likes, location, age, sexual position (though I’ve also been told how valuable tops are), etc..
Yes, I’ve given up. 99% of the (jerks) on A4A are either fake or just want to sit on their asses and NEVER leave their basement. OR they want you to come to them like A4A is a mail-order catalogue. Since they aren’t willing to even get off their asses to actually MEET (yes, that is face to face) then I’m giving up. Life isn’t on any phone or screen- it’s in REALITY.
I can’t tell you how many fake profiles are on here. Then again, their system needs correcting (I’m ~4 hours south of Atlanta, but it tells me people in Miami, Louisiana, Kansas, NY, & Europe are under 100 miles away).
I am still looking for a real lasting relationship. On the other hand, do I really want someone around 24/7 who irritates the hell out of me unless his clothes are off?
Me and ex lived separately. Occasionally saw each other during the week, but spent 1 or 2 days together over the weekend. It worked out fine. We mostly fought when we took trips together. His personality changed every time we took vacations together, and I was irritated by it. We actually ended up breaking up on his birthday trip. Maybe we were around each other too much.
eventually, we all grow to old to date in actuality. younger date; older meet. the former utilize all the dating Paraphernalia available; the later just say “Hello” and “Nice To Meet You”.
Is this response supposed to be an answer to the question “Have you given up on dating?”
one such answer
Nothing in what you said comes remotely close to addressing the question. You sound like an ESL student trying to string together a couple of sentences with words whose meaning you barely know.
In fairness, how many times has age been a positive in the gay community?
Not interested in dating at all. Been with the same guy for years. Just on here to find dudes to swallow my load.
Facts!
Been in a steamy FWB relationship most of the past year, we have very little in common and a rather large age gap (30 yrs), however this has been an amazing relationship, not sure this qualifies as dating but its been awesome regardless
That would be NO. That’s endless booty calls. Sometimes that’s the best approach
I’m somewhat in the same boat as you. It’s a new fwb or whatever, but it’s intriguing and intense. He’s more than 30 years younger, but he lets me do whatever I want to him and he is absolutely amazing in bed and a gorgeous 6’2”, 160lbs, 24 year old. And 100% vers. I never thought in a million years something like this would happen to me at this point in my life. We go out to bars and parties together and he does whatever he wants with others because he doesn’t quite belong to me so I make sure… Read more »
Everyone has a different definition of “dating.” Dating, IMO, implies we’re together to determine if the other guy is long-term material. I don’t date so I’ve never given up dating! I have no desire for a long-term relationship so I’m looking only for fuck buddies; it’s only about sex, nothing more, nothing less. I make the clear with all hook-ups so that I don’t get those annoying, endless texts the day after. Whether the fuck buddy will last a few months or a year, it doesn’t matter. There’s always another fuck buddy to be found. I don’t quite understand the… Read more »
Absolutely Chris. Only difference is I don’t see anything wrong with fucking a friend as long as we’re on the same page. I met the nicest, friends on this site. We can talk openly about sex, life, anything. We’re familiar with each other in bed and its comfortable and safe. To each his own though. I don’t date or looking for a relationship. Just every now and then I go to a sporting event, vacation, etc with one of my friends and have a great time. Most times, we end up having great, familiar, hot sex.
Im just looking for sex. Im 56 and not hopeful of relationship. My mentality has really changed. I don’t tolerate alot anymore.
As far as most websites, both hetero and gay,.my answer, regrettable to say, is yes…Most guys I’ve chatted with on a plethora of sites just want sex, no commitment/relationship. I’ve had sex with a ton of guys lately–thanks to Viagra (lol)–and they don’t care to have a relationship at the present time, regardless of their age; they just want sex and move on to the next prick. As ove stated in earlier topics, I’ve been on a4a for 20 years now and,.as stated also earlier, that the MAJORITY of the guys on here are liars, thieves, beggars, prostitutes, meth heads… Read more »
Gay males have always been self-centered, selfish, with unrealistic-childish expectations and priorities, and that’s just part of being essentially, a teenager (psychologically) that is, in a man’s body. There’s more to growing up than just growing old; along with maturation, the real priorities come into play or realization, personally. I think “dating” is a lost art? No, capability, more to the point. There’s a great deal of sheer laziness; “give it to me right now” addictions whereas there’s so much of the “order me like you would a pizza” or burger king’s “have it your way” kind of expectations, based… Read more »
I’ve given up on dating and I’mhappy with that and about to give up on trying to find a hookup. It’s become near impossible to find one these days.
I know how to date and do; it’s not the same as a “hook-up”, you’d be surprised, how many guys don’t seem to be aware of this. A date is simply a ‘face to face’ verbal meeting of ‘getting know something of each other’ investigating the possibility of sexual attraction and chemistry. Online communication is just touching base by way of a number of exchanges of convos., then meeting each other is more comfortable. Guys these days; because of the internet, are more devious than ever, not really capable of dating but rather, looking for victims of ‘their’ unknown real… Read more »