(Photo Credits: AlessandroBiascioli from Shutterstock)
Dating isn’t one-size-fits-all, and when bisexuality enters the picture, some people have mixed emotions. One man recently asked online, “Why do some gay guys decide not to date someone because they’re bi? I’m just interested.” His curiosity struck a chord, leading many to open up about their experiences, worries, and thoughts about dating bi or bicurious men.
For some gay men, the issue boils down to fear — fear of not being enough, of being left for a woman, or of getting hurt. One commenter shared:
I don’t want to wake up one day to find out that I’m not enough and they want to have a traditional family and less drama or social prejudices in their life. Less concern that they won’t have to please their parents to marry a girl. That does sound like a ME problem, but I learnt that those fears are valid.
Another gay man echoed that sentiment, citing personal experience: “Because both times I’ve tried it, the bi guy had a little mental breakdown as we started getting serious and eventually got weird and then broke it off and ran immediately to a hetero relationship… they messed with my head and broke my heart.”
For others, the fear lies in not wanting to be a “side piece” to a man who might still be dating women. “Cause of the risk of them having girlfriends and you becoming the side chick.”
Interestingly, many women feel the same — they, too, often avoid bi men for similar fears—according to this guy who replied: “Women give similar reasons for not wanting to date bisexual men. They think they’re going to be cheated on or left for a man and they can’t compete with a man.”
Some described painful memories of being left behind for biological children or simply not feeling “man enough” to compete like this guy who shared: “My ex said he likes doing it better with a woman. When we broke up, he said he wants to have his own child. I felt so insecure about myself.”
Still, not everyone had walls up. Some gay men expressed openness to dating bisexual men like this guy, who said, “I’d date any guy I’m attracted to… I don’t mind letting people be individual people.”
But the insecurities run deep for others who commented, “I can compete with a cock but I can’t compete with something I don’t have. It’s like premeditated heartache.”
Meanwhile, another gay man candidly wrote: “Liking women is a turn off to me. However, a lot of these responses underscore the need for QUALITY mental health treatment, some of y’all are not ok.”
Lastly, one guy even broke down a comprehensive analysis of why gay men might feel less secure in these relationships — from sexual logistics to psychological trauma to social pressure. He explained:
- Their sexuality is less focused, so they feel more restricted in monogamous relationships, aka they give up more by dating me;
- Preparing for gay sex is much more tedious, and there’s always the risk of unpleasant incidents — he can just go meet a girl and have his portion of pleasure;
- Due to the hostile environment gay people grow in, they have various psychological issues induced by trauma — bisexual people have much less experience with it (if any), and having to deal with your partner’s issues is hard;
- Some bi people enter gay dating to avoid “girly/womanly” behavior, only to discover that every person is different and behavior doesn’t necessarily correlate with gender;
- They always have the option of a socially desirable relationship with children, aka “real family.”
Having said all that, gay men often get asked if they’d date someone bisexual—but what about the reverse? If you’re bisexual, would you date a gay man? More importantly, are you open to a committed, long-term relationship with another man? Why or why not?
Bisexual men are often misunderstood, but many are just as committed and emotionally grounded as any partner out there. Many are looking for the same things as everyone else: trust, connection, and something real.
Anyway, what about our gay blog readers, would you date someone who is bisexual or bicurious? If you’re gay, do you feel threatened or cautious in these relationships? If you’re bi, do you feel misunderstood by the gay community? Share your honest thoughts, stories, experiences, or even hesitations in the comments section down below— because these conversations are how we move forward together.
I have and would again. It all depends upon the man.
A good married-bi FWB or FB can be very welcome if I’m not involved with someone else and just want a little hook up time.
Why would you mess with someone who’s married?
Because not all marriages are monogamous.
Because everyone has the right to conduct their sexuality and sex lives as they wish.
adultery
Please learn how to read. It doesn’t say fuck. It specifically says “date”.
That’s what happens on dates, mostly, realistically.
I have dated/fucked a few bisexual men and have only had 3 bicurious men give me a blowjob…All 5 bisexual men were, supposedly, happily married–2 of them had kids–and wanted the lustful thrill of having orgasms in their azz. I have bottomed a few times in my life while I was married to a woman, but, wasn’t devoted to being a verse top, so, I’m only a top who wouldn’t mind dating a bisexual guy, not a bicurious one simply because I wouldn’t want to instill the bicurious to make a possible, regrettable decision. The bicurious need to make the… Read more »
Many Gay guys have preferences: “must be a Top (or Bottom”, “must by HWP”; “must be younger than 45”. The list is endless.
Bi or not are just additional factors guys can use to accept or dismiss other guys.
Personally, if a guy is Bi, there’s no issue.
As a bisexual, I think the same rules as other dating situations apply. If you are looking for the LTR/marriage, don’t date a married guy (gay or bi). If you are afraid of doubling the competition, then don’t date a bisexual. If on the other hand, you are confident in yourself, add bisexual men to your pick list to increase the attractive men you may pair up with. As a bisexual, sex is only one part of picking a partner for life and there are many more that are also important. Please don’t paint a current opportunity with previous unfortunate… Read more »
“If you are looking for the LTR/marriage, don’t date a married guy (gay or bi).”
Like I ask: If he cheated WITH you, who’s to say he also won’t cheat ON you?
I so agree, know what you’re doing, getting into, no unrealistic expectations, it’s just friendship and sex, leave it there, at that ‘temporary sex’ or fling.
Right. I wouldn’t call it a date. I would go out with them and become friends if we mesh. Bi guys, especially the closeted ones, make the best of friends. The ones I met are masculine and not messy like some gay guys I come across.
That’s what set me apart, from the very beginning of my journey, “THINKING” not just doing.
My experience is the connection between me and my lovers is so much better with openly gay partners than with bi or bi curious, but sometimed sex is sex
I linked with a few bisexual men before . Bi curious.. I don’t think I would want to hook up with one because they would be newbies and I don’t have time for newbies. I like experienced guys.
Yes I would. I have had my share of on the down low married men. And like do it again and again
there are those whom you fuck and there are those whom you date. the smart man knows the difference and does not cross-pollinate.
I have dated bisexual men before. I prefer a ltr with one man, but guys don’t seem to be interested in monogamy anymore.
I hope so .. Im bi, single and ready to date.
Dating for a LTR, NO, I would not date a Bi man. For a relationship I will only date a self-identified GAY MAN. For hook-ups, anytime, of course. Too much uncertainty if GAY MAN in relationship with Bi Man, since Bi Man, may choose instead to be with a woman. Not worth the hassle!! Too many fine strong manly GAY MEN out there!!
Lol gay guys can decide to be with another guy so that’s irrational
I’m a married to a woman bi sexual man, I’m also a 100% bottom, I’ve been with bi top guys which I had no problem with, he was married as well, all he want was to get his dick sucked and he love to eat and fuck ass a few times a month which was fine with me because I knew my DL lifestyle was safe with him because he was DL as well, I have also been with a gay 100% top guys, one in particular being with married bottoms was a major turn on for him, putting a… Read more »
You ever fantasize about the sex with “the down low guy” when you’re having sex with your wife?
Well not only him , but with the 100%gay guy as well, and sometimes guys in general, I’m a very submissive bottom and I like verbal tops, and I like the take change type, my wife is very submissive , and I love that about her, so when we’re having sex I tend to fuck her the way I like to get fucked, sometimes hard and sometimes slow and gentle, sometimes when I suck her tits in my head I’m sucking a dick, and sometimes I’m very verbal during sex, usually say things to her that I like for a… Read more »
Nope. I’d have sex but no dating. A closer relationship could grow if sex continued. It would be centered on the sex, not romance.
No. I do not like cock that has been stirred in vagina. Fucking nasty.
think of it as “cured” meat…it will have a tang of a taste!
But one that’s been stirred in a colon is ok.
But one that’s been driven down the esophagus is ok?
Yes…but I’ld have to accept he could change his interests.
Sure, already have and loved it, they were single and ready to mingle, like me.
If I am “dating” I would only date someone who is available and not in a LTR bi or gay.
But for just a hook up I have and would have sex with a bi man. Usually fantastic, intense sex.
Men are men, straight, gay, bisexual… whatever! I have been in relationships with gay and bi men. From my experience, my relationship with the two bi men I was with seemed more stabled and genuine. I was mainly the one that messed up my relationships with them. They both were low key guys. I was the one emotionally all over the place. My gay ex was too much to deal with. He was very controlling and had too many relationship rules.
I have and continue to do so. It’s some of the hottest sex I have ever encountered. I’m only looking for a FWB relationship, so it works out great for both of us.
I’m Bi & DL, and I can’t seem to find anyone interested in long term. It’s just hook up. And I don’t live that lifestyle. And dealing with today’s women, I can’t anymore.
feel stuck in the twilight zone.
saw this article and was looking for some hope
I already did, it was lie after lie, hiding, broken promises, and years of torturing myself waiting for him,, Sad part is, it was most of my 20’s, the prime of anyones life. G-O-N-E..At all costs I avoid married, cheaters, open relationships etc etc. Sad part is, thats all you find out there anymore. Not to mention, when your done having sex with him, he leaves and you feel more lonely than you did before.
Totally hot.
Again with the labels……ugh . Labels are for separation and division,,, why ????
This is horribly unfair to bi men and women. Never let fear hold you back from a relationship with them. Time to put the childish insecurities away.
I’d NEVER date a bisexual – but he could cum worship at the altar…. Dating a bi dude would mean you’d have to watch him with EVERYONE. That’s too much trouble – and they inevitably revert to women to avoid the societal pressure. NOPE.!!!
As long as he squeals like a pig
I find it intriguing that certain ethnic groups in my area avoid using this site, while gravitating to Romeo, which is very international and not very local, Indian-Asian guys in particular. Many of them are bisexual/married.
Love to find an Asian guy