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Dating isn’t one-size-fits-all, and when bisexuality enters the picture, some people have mixed emotions. One man recently asked online, “Why do some gay guys decide not to date someone because they’re bi? I’m just interested.” His curiosity struck a chord, leading many to open up about their experiences, worries, and thoughts about dating bi or bicurious men.

For some gay men, the issue boils down to fear — fear of not being enough, of being left for a woman, or of getting hurt. One commenter shared:

I don’t want to wake up one day to find out that I’m not enough and they want to have a traditional family and less drama or social prejudices in their life. Less concern that they won’t have to please their parents to marry a girl. That does sound like a ME problem, but I learnt that those fears are valid.

Another gay man echoed that sentiment, citing personal experience: “Because both times I’ve tried it, the bi guy had a little mental breakdown as we started getting serious and eventually got weird and then broke it off and ran immediately to a hetero relationship… they messed with my head and broke my heart.”

For others, the fear lies in not wanting to be a “side piece” to a man who might still be dating women. “Cause of the risk of them having girlfriends and you becoming the side chick.”

Interestingly, many women feel the same — they, too, often avoid bi men for similar fears—according to this guy who replied: “Women give similar reasons for not wanting to date bisexual men. They think they’re going to be cheated on or left for a man and they can’t compete with a man.”

Some described painful memories of being left behind for biological children or simply not feeling “man enough” to compete like this guy who shared: “My ex said he likes doing it better with a woman. When we broke up, he said he wants to have his own child. I felt so insecure about myself.”

Still, not everyone had walls up. Some gay men expressed openness to dating bisexual men like this guy, who said, “I’d date any guy I’m attracted to… I don’t mind letting people be individual people.”

But the insecurities run deep for others who commented, “I can compete with a cock but I can’t compete with something I don’t have. It’s like premeditated heartache.”

Meanwhile, another gay man candidly wrote: “Liking women is a turn off to me. However, a lot of these responses underscore the need for QUALITY mental health treatment, some of y’all are not ok.”

Lastly, one guy even broke down a comprehensive analysis of why gay men might feel less secure in these relationships — from sexual logistics to psychological trauma to social pressure. He explained:

  • Their sexuality is less focused, so they feel more restricted in monogamous relationships, aka they give up more by dating me;
  • Preparing for gay sex is much more tedious, and there’s always the risk of unpleasant incidents — he can just go meet a girl and have his portion of pleasure;
  • Due to the hostile environment gay people grow in, they have various psychological issues induced by trauma — bisexual people have much less experience with it (if any), and having to deal with your partner’s issues is hard;
  • Some bi people enter gay dating to avoid “girly/womanly” behavior, only to discover that every person is different and behavior doesn’t necessarily correlate with gender;
  • They always have the option of a socially desirable relationship with children, aka “real family.”

Having said all that, gay men often get asked if they’d date someone bisexual—but what about the reverse? If you’re bisexual, would you date a gay man? More importantly, are you open to a committed, long-term relationship with another man? Why or why not?

Bisexual men are often misunderstood, but many are just as committed and emotionally grounded as any partner out there. Many are looking for the same things as everyone else: trust, connection, and something real.

Anyway, what about our gay blog readers, would you date someone who is bisexual or bicurious? If you’re gay, do you feel threatened or cautious in these relationships? If you’re bi, do you feel misunderstood by the gay community? Share your honest thoughts, stories, experiences, or even hesitations in the comments section down below— because these conversations are how we move forward together.

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