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Cheating is usually a one-sided story—we often only hear the side of the person who was betrayed, blindsided, and left to pick up the pieces. But what about the other side? What drives someone to cheat? Regret? Lust? Loneliness? One gay man online flipped the script by asking a bold question: “Gays who have cheated. I feel like we typically hear from guys who have been cheated on, and not the guys who have done the cheating…” He added, “I just want to hear the perspective, even if you think it was worth it. Have you ever cheated? If you did, did you regret it? Did you cheat on the one that got away? How did it make you feel after?”
The responses from gay men online were brutally honest, complicated, and deeply human. These aren’t just excuses—they’re stories of desire, guilt, emotional neglect, and hard-learned lessons. See some of their responses below.
The emotional void that led to a hookup and a turning point, this is the case of one gay man who confessed, “The guy I was seeing was emotionally unavailable, and I always felt like I was begging to be a part of his life. Instead of communicating this, I hooked up with someone who was willing to give me that affection… It felt great at the moment, but the guilt was eating me. I stopped and started communicating with him. Turns out, that was all that had to happen.” He didn’t cheat to hurt, but to fill a void. Ironically, the affair led to a wake-up call: if he had spoken up sooner, he might’ve avoided betraying someone who just needed honesty.
In addition, another guy responded, “I have no excuse and was a repeated offender… I repeatedly cheated on my ex from our first year in a 4-year relationship… He still loves me and wants to get back together, I still love him, but my guilt and shame… It haunts me every single day, even after a year we’ve broken up.”
No excuses, just pain, shame, and lasting consequences. This brutally honest account reveals the long-term emotional toll cheating can take, not just on the betrayed partner, but on the one who did the damage.
Moreover, someone shared, “I cheated on my ex…we’d been together 4 years. When he found out, he was absolutely heartbroken… I found out he had bought a ring and was planning an elaborate proposal.” It’s a case of a lost love and a proposal that never happened. This one’s especially heartbreaking. The betrayal didn’t just end a relationship—it killed a future. Now, the cheater lives with the weight of what could’ve been.
This one on the other hand, is a tale of a young, careless man hit with karma. He said, “I cheated on my first boyfriend when I was 20… Lightning bolt chemistry with someone else. I broke up with my boyfriend and started seeing the new guy… Then I caught him cheating on me.” Call it immaturity or poetic justice, this guy admits he treated his first relationship like a novelty—and karma didn’t waste time catching up.
When open dynamics blur into betrayal…at least this is the case of this guy who replied, “I used to play with cuckold couples… Then I started dating one of the guys and later hooked up with his friend… He called it cheating, but I didn’t think we were exclusive.” In open or poly arrangements, boundaries matter more than ever. This story highlights how assumptions about exclusivity—or the lack of clear talk—can lead to accusations of cheating even when intentions weren’t malicious.
Meanwhile, one gay man admitted that he wanted more sex and was seeking validation, which was why he cheated. “In a previous relationship, the lack of sex was real… Cheating gave me a temporary release and made me feel desirable again… But later came guilt and emptiness.” Sometimes cheating is less about passion and more about feeling seen. This guy’s confession highlights how overlooked needs can spiral into betrayal.
Lastly, someone confessed, “I was cheated on multiple times…. So, I said fuck it and cheated back. And yes—it felt good. But I wouldn’t have done it if I hadn’t been cheated on first.” This one’s a classic case of revenge cheating. Some people cheat to escape. Others for revenge. This guy made it clear: he wasn’t the first one to break the rules, but he had no intention of being the only one hurt by them.
What about you, Adam4Adam blog readers, what’s your story? Have you ever cheated—or been cheated on? Do you believe there are ever good reasons for betrayal? Does revenge cheating count the same? And if you’ve lived through it, what helped you heal or forgive yourself? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section down below!
I intend to cheat death when it thinks I am ready
I have never cheated. simply because I have never dated anyone who was not told to ever expect absolutely monogamy from me. My longest relationship was technically open, but aside from a make out session or two with another guy, neither of us ever had sex with anyone else. We talked about doing a three way but never clicked with anyone. FULL disclosure: it was probably easy for us because even after 5 years, the sex was rock out mind blowing great every time. Unfortunately that was pretty much the only thing that was great about the relationship. That’s how… Read more »
No, not yet.
Not proud of it, but YES, on my ex-wife. I was coming to terms with my homosexuality. I came out to myself the time most gay men do, at 26. I was married young at 21, fresh out of college. I envy guys that come out to themselves and others in their teens, but I wasn’t at that stage yet. Had I been out to myself I would have never married a woman. Ended up coming out to her when I developed a crush and a guy I was seeing, divorced her, took on all of her school loan debts,… Read more »
Yes, to make a long story short. I cheated after I was cheated on. After I was cheated on, I didn’t take the relationship seriously anymore. Somehow we stayed together for 5 years…but I was never faithful again after being cheated on.
GOOD for you DUDE – same here. What’s GOOD for the GOOSE as the saying goes!!! Ended up kicking him out a couple years later 🙂
Never been cheated on. Never have cheated on. Why? Because I’ve never reached out to a guy who says he’s looking for “my prince”, “my one and only”, “an LTR”, “someone who will understand me accept all my faults”, “someone to grow old with”. When a guy has that in his profile and hits me up, I reply “Thanks. We’re not looking for the same things. Good luck!” I have cultivated several FWBs, a few now that I’ve known for almost two decades. They and I don’t seek LTRs. There is definitely a “relationship” with each of these guys, but… Read more »
Yeah, thee is no “one.” Turn off the Disney movies and Rom Coms. If you’re really lucky there’s the ONE who doesn’t bug you too much or the ONE who doesn’t make you hope you might get run over by a train soon. If you want someone to “complete you” get a therapist. They can’t do it for you but they can guide you. Otherwise just plan on a series of disappointing relationships.
I also have had many FWBs, midnight callers, down-low dudes. We always had a relationship, they would acknowledge it to me, and if we split up and saw each other a year or two later; they always say they made a mistake getting married or just ending the fwb we had. But it is always too late. Once the spell is broken, there is no getting it back. Straight guys (I let them think what ever they want), can be a lot of fun in private. Some just want their prostrate massaged, others go full tilt. After a few meetings,… Read more »
Some guys just think with their dicks and when they have the chance for sex the take it. Sadly it often seems like a person in a couple wants to be monogamous and the other does not
If they can communicate honestly and openly that can work.
Of course! Just answering the first part of the question. My reason may be agreed by other cheaters, if not for other reasons/excuses…Andsince I’ve done it a helluva lot, then, I can give several reasons/excuses. The first reason was due to lust…no elaboration needed.Another reason was for the adrenaline rush of possibly being caught, i.e., ifyour partner/lover/wife/husband walks in and catches me before something was about to happen, in the middle of what’s happening or after it happened, whether the other person is still present, after the person left, your other half finds out from someone or my guilt causes… Read more »
truthfully, the perils and condemnation of cheating is predicated on being married and having had kids. cheating always carries with it the possibly of another child or children being created. There are legal, financial and social detriments. a gay man can cheat but the total possible ramifications are much less than with a straight man or a straight woman with children. no one wants to feel betrayed but we gay males and females, cheating is perhaps more of a singular rejection than a legal, financial or social stigma?
I’m just waiting for those ‘Bi’ men to response to this cause when you’re creeping on the side while married and not being upfront honest honest with your spouse….yeah I think you’re CHEATIN don’t you think?
Reality is, Cat, there are many Bi men who are married whose wives are open to them having friends outside of their marriages, sometimes within it if the wife participates. Some of them have posted on the A4A blog.
Not all Bi men are “creeping on the side.” Yes, some do, but there are reasons free, single and especially young Gay guys don’t take the time to fathom or understand.
Right. I know a older woman who can no longer physically receive her husband because of the pain. She’s okay with him cheating with dudes but not women. She don’t want other women enjoying her man’s huge, black, long dick.
This is a lie. Don’t fall for this. There are NOT a lot of women that are cool with their husbands getting their ass plowed. The men tell you that lie.
Maybe not a lot, but there are women who love and want to protect their men. Women who don’t feel threatened by their man. I have met quite a few, in my 50+ years of gay hunting. I could tell you so many stories of wives who watched and encouraged their men to get “their ass plowed”.
Agreed! I once met a man at an all night bookstore/theater. We went back to my motel. Played around and had a great time, he left. A week later I met him in the same place, and we again went to my motel, this time our pillow talk was different, when he said his wife was out in the car and he had to go. The next week he came to my motel and told me he wanted us to go to his home and meet his wife, and then we could play just the two of us. She wanted… Read more »
OK, you got me; guilty as charged! Longtime BiMM and locked in the proverbial closet since my teens. I cope with the self-inflicted guilt by knowing I’ve never cheated on my wife – with other women. As for all those men I’ve had meaningless hookups with – and there have been many – I know in my heart there’s no love involved and I’ll only ever love my wife. But with the guys, it’s just for kicks so I cope by not thinking of it as “cheating” per se. OK – go ahead, pounce all over me.
Sounds like we are in the same boat. Because i have never cheated on my wife with a woman, guys tell me im gay. Because if i was bi then i would be cheating with both sexes. But what i want and neex from a woman i have my wife and our emotional/love conn3ction. Guys are a means to an orgasm without emtional attachment. Just because i enjoy a cock once in awhile doesnt mean i dont love my life. But there are needs she cant fulfill for me. No matter what i always come home to her and her… Read more »
Saying “it’s just for kicks” is a bizarre rationalization for thinking it’s okay. The vast majority of cheating is “for kicks”. What makes it cheating is that your partner is unaware it’s going on, not that there are no emotional attachments involved.
Yes, it is cheating, but who gives a fuck? It is totally their problem to work out. I am simply providing what he needs to be happy, and if it makes him happy, so be it. I am the one that develops light emotional attachments. But NEVER believe a word they say. I am simply providing what makes them happy and in return I get what makes me happy. I have had a couple for 30+ years, and they have remained married, their kids grew up and married. I heard all about it and never cared. I let them talk,… Read more »
Yes I’m married (to a woman) and yes I do cheat, with men and other women, I’m not proud of it, it’s just sometimes I like to be a good bottom for dominant men, I enjoy sucking on a mans dick and I also enjoy getting fucked, but what I can’t figure out is why do you seem like you have a problem with it, If married men want to fool around, how does it affect your life? I will wait?
Excellent response. I’m waiting too!!!!! He seem kinda angry with the “caps”. I wonder why it matters to him that Bi guys cheat.
Many Gay guys demand to be respected and demand to be free with their own life decisions with no one laying any social rules/expectations on them. They’ll yell “this is what we and others have fought for for years!”
But then they disrespect others and cast out their own social rules/expectations.
I have had so many married men over a 50+ gay life. I do NOT care about their wives, or family. I have received calls from wives, and basically laughed while talking to them. I couldn’t care less. I have no problem with a married man coming to me for sex. I prefer straight married guys. Not into twinks or effeminate guys in the least. Always have liked blue collar straight guys, and a whole lot of them like me and what I can do. Their wives are totally their problem! I have nothing to do with it. In the… Read more »
I’ve been accused of cheating, but I don’t think it was. A group of us chatters on a website met up in Atlanta 1 weekend. On Friday night, we met at a bar to put faces with handles. Later that night as we decided to call it quits, 1 guy went up to EVERYBODY & gave them a small smooch on the lips before he left as a sweet gesture. When I left, I called the guy from the site I was dating (he lived in Philly & couldn’t attend). I told him all about the night & how that… Read more »
realistically, why would you even note the incident? It was incidental without any legitimate consequence. What matters is the truth and truth is exactly how you saw it. Cheating is a word used to caste asunder another by inflicting guilt. guilt is a potent weapon if used correctly and with discretion. you are neither guilty by direct application or by association.
Because I felt it was better for me to tell him exactly what happened than from somebody else & be mad that I “hid it from him”. Also, he was friends with these people & probably wondered what they were like in person.
Understood just a bit unfortunate for you to have had to do it. you have a good sense of morality!
Thank you.
Girl, bye.
I cheated on my first boyfriend. Someone I used to play with on rare occasions invited me to a roll in the hay with him. At the time, my guy and I were in a weird spot: we’d been together for several months, but there were too many moments when it felt like I was dating a stranger. So I hooked up with the other (a Daddy) for what was the BEST SEX OF MY LIFE. He had a massive dong, and could scratch an itch that my BF couldn’t reach. We had fun, but I told him that it… Read more »
when you cheated, you got punished by being bitten by a bug – but it wasn’t the “Love Bug”!
LOL!!! LOL!!! LOL!!!
it was the STD Bug!
I did, and it wasn’t a good feeling. However, our sex life was almost nonexistent. I’m a sexual person and he wasn’t, not with me anyway. He considered himself a sex crazed man. His delusion was a strain on our relationship. I suggested an open relationship because I wasn’t sure if he was cheating or not, which he never denied. We tried it, but he decided it wasn’t for him. I cheated on him twice and figured it something that was wrong for me to do. The relationship ended unexpectedly and abruptly one night after three shaky years. It hurt,… Read more »
Damn dude – don’t feel GUILTY. If your friggin BF won’t have SEX with you, what are you supposed to do ~~~ “get thee to a nunnery”?!? I don’t THINK SO ~ if there’s NO SEX at all – then something is DEF seriously wrong!!!! Do what you gotta do to find the pleasure we ALL deserve and need!!! 🙂
I cheated once and was caught in the act! I have always known I was gay. However, I didn’t meet my first man until I was 19/20. While in college, 1970, because of not knowing anyone else, three of us decided to start a Gay Liberation Organization at our college. We put ads in the school paper, got a mailbox in the administration building, and set up meetings. We met with other groups in the state. My phone was used as a contact point. Well, I met this non-school guy, and we started dating/seeing each other regularly. I got a… Read more »