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Some guys will do mental gymnastics worthy of an Olympic medal just to convince themselves—or others—that what they’re doing isn’t technically gay. This is what one gay man online discovered when he asked, “What’s the funniest ‘it’s not gay if…’ you’ve ever heard? Just need a laugh.”

As usual, the internet delivered, with gems like “It’s not gay if you leave your socks on” and “It’s not gay if it’s in a three-way.” Whether these guys are joking or just deep in denial, one thing’s for sure—gay men have heard it all, and we’re here to share the best of the best!

As aforementioned, one of the most well-known justifications is: “It ain’t gay if it’s in a three-way.” But as a gay man in the thread pointed out, this only seems to work if there’s a woman involved. If it’s just three guys? Well, that’s pretty damn gay. Some men insist that leaving socks on is the magic trick to keeping things “straight.” Yes, apparently, clothing choices determine sexuality. Others believe in post-hookup etiquette, claiming “It’s not gay if you shake hands afterward.” Because nothing screams heterosexuality like a firm handshake after an intense session. Ahem.

One of the classic excuses is “It’s not gay if you’re the top.” This one has been around forever, likely borrowed from old-school toxic masculinity. Then, of course, there’s the ever-popular “You say ‘No Homo’ first.” Because, obviously, prefacing something with “No Homo” cancels out any homoerotic undertones.

Kissing, for some, is the ultimate boundary. As another commenter pointed out, “It’s not gay if we don’t kiss.” Apparently, sex is fine, but locking lips? That’s too intimate.

Similarly, some guys believe “It ain’t gay if I pull out before cumming.” Ah yes, the classic “if I don’t finish, it doesn’t count” defense. Sorry, buddy, but if you were in there to begin with, the deed is done! Points for creativity, though.

A rather questionable take on both sexuality and biology. Then there’s the “It’s not gay as long as nobody finds out” defense. Because as we all know, if it happens in secret, it doesn’t count, right?

But the real gems come from those who try to bend the definition of attraction itself. One person shared, “It’s not gay if you’re liking a femboy.” The logic here? If the guy looks feminine enough, it’s basically the same as being with a woman. And perhaps the funniest (or most concerning) justification: “It’s not gay if you close your eyes and imagine it’s a girl.” That’s certainly one way to mentally escape reality!

So, what about you, Adam4Adam blog readers? Have you ever heard (or used) a ridiculous “It’s not gay if…” excuse? Do you think these statements come from genuine confusion, denial, or just guys joking around? Let us know your thoughts—as well as the funniest excuses you’ve ever heard—in the comments section down below!

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