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Some guys will do mental gymnastics worthy of an Olympic medal just to convince themselves—or others—that what they’re doing isn’t technically gay. This is what one gay man online discovered when he asked, “What’s the funniest ‘it’s not gay if…’ you’ve ever heard? Just need a laugh.”
As usual, the internet delivered, with gems like “It’s not gay if you leave your socks on” and “It’s not gay if it’s in a three-way.” Whether these guys are joking or just deep in denial, one thing’s for sure—gay men have heard it all, and we’re here to share the best of the best!
As aforementioned, one of the most well-known justifications is: “It ain’t gay if it’s in a three-way.” But as a gay man in the thread pointed out, this only seems to work if there’s a woman involved. If it’s just three guys? Well, that’s pretty damn gay. Some men insist that leaving socks on is the magic trick to keeping things “straight.” Yes, apparently, clothing choices determine sexuality. Others believe in post-hookup etiquette, claiming “It’s not gay if you shake hands afterward.” Because nothing screams heterosexuality like a firm handshake after an intense session. Ahem.
One of the classic excuses is “It’s not gay if you’re the top.” This one has been around forever, likely borrowed from old-school toxic masculinity. Then, of course, there’s the ever-popular “You say ‘No Homo’ first.” Because, obviously, prefacing something with “No Homo” cancels out any homoerotic undertones.
Kissing, for some, is the ultimate boundary. As another commenter pointed out, “It’s not gay if we don’t kiss.” Apparently, sex is fine, but locking lips? That’s too intimate.
Similarly, some guys believe “It ain’t gay if I pull out before cumming.” Ah yes, the classic “if I don’t finish, it doesn’t count” defense. Sorry, buddy, but if you were in there to begin with, the deed is done! Points for creativity, though.
A rather questionable take on both sexuality and biology. Then there’s the “It’s not gay as long as nobody finds out” defense. Because as we all know, if it happens in secret, it doesn’t count, right?
But the real gems come from those who try to bend the definition of attraction itself. One person shared, “It’s not gay if you’re liking a femboy.” The logic here? If the guy looks feminine enough, it’s basically the same as being with a woman. And perhaps the funniest (or most concerning) justification: “It’s not gay if you close your eyes and imagine it’s a girl.” That’s certainly one way to mentally escape reality!
So, what about you, Adam4Adam blog readers? Have you ever heard (or used) a ridiculous “It’s not gay if…” excuse? Do you think these statements come from genuine confusion, denial, or just guys joking around? Let us know your thoughts—as well as the funniest excuses you’ve ever heard—in the comments section down below!
Some masculine gay guys think it’s less gay if they watch NFL football every Sunday. Some feel that being they never been to a gay bar, gay pride parade, or a drag show means they’re less gay. I also agree with the part in the blog about total tops feeling they’re less gay because they top, never touched a man’s dick and never kissed a dude. Lol.
It’s a good thing ‘we’ know better.
yo, the gay thing is a white guy’s thing according to the black community
I’ve been seeing the same hetero married, like me, guy for over 20 years. He’s a retired hair colorist, dripping in jewelry, who swaggers down the street with a three-foot flame shooting out of his ass. He insists pointing out though, in our relationship, I’m the gay one cause he’s fucking me. Hey, for me, it’s whatever floats your boat. He’s a great fuck and a good blow job so I acquiesce to his allegations. No sense ruining a good thing over semantics.
“Get it while you can,” Janis Joplin
And his wife is … in on the whole thing or just clueless and/or blind?
A femme man engaging in bottom shaming is wild. Not uncommon, but wild nonetheless.
the biggest joke? “As long as there is a Chick present, I’ll play”.
Voting for Liberal Democrats. My fellow macho hetero married buddies have given me grief and ‘that’s so gay’ nonsense for being a Liberal. So stupid.
A lot of people use “gay” this way because of society’s internalized homophobia. They don’t mean “gay” in the sense of sexuality. They mean “gay” as a synonym for “stupid” or “silly,” as in “Those sneakers make you look gay.”
A “straight,” married buddy regularly goes to a strip bar with a theater next door and gets off by shoving his cock through the holes in the wall. When I questioned him about this he actually said “it isn’t gay if he doesn’t know who is on the other side.”
You should use that opportunity to respond, “Okay, girl.”
Schrodinger’s blowjob- a superposition of male and female. I mean it *could* be a chick. Statistically improbable, but whatever…
I’m not around people that say such idiotic things