(Photo Credits: Monkey Business Images from Shutterstock)
If so, how did you get over him?
We are asking because a gay man on Reddit asked, “How to get over falling for straight guys?” He further shared his frustration, saying:
Every single time I have a crush on someone they are always straight and it’s really destroying my mental health at this point.
I’m a bi 22m and my roommate’s a straight 24m. He’s an absolute flirt, I came out to him and instead of him putting up boundaries he got closer to me. He randomly touches me, always sits close to me, he makes awkward sexual jokes with me, and locks eyes with me like he wants me. Just every time he interacts with me it feels like there’s sexual tension that he’s purposefully or unintentionally creating. But every single time I ask him about his sexuality he clearly states that he’s straight, he wants kids, and longs for a girlfriend. Yet I still can’t help but be obsessed with him. Literally all my crushes have been this exact same way and it feels like there’s something terribly wrong with me.
Outside of dating apps, it feels like gay people don’t exist. They’re like unicorns. On the rare occasion that I actually meet someone who’s openly gay, I’m almost never attracted to them. Every openly gay person I’ve met has always been too flamboyant for me. I really do hate being bi—I wish I was straight and could just hang out with my guy friends without daydreaming about hooking up with them.
Many gay and bisexual men can relate to falling for a straight guy, only to realize it’s a painful and frustrating cycle. Here’s what some gay men online had to say about moving on from these impossible crushes.
One gay man advised:
You need to have a serious chat with yourself. You need to imagine yourself opening up your feelings to this straight guy and imagine him being turned off and cutting off the relationship you have at the moment. That is where this is going to end up unless you realize there’s no dessert at the end of this meal. Just let a straight friend be a friend and stop there and get your ass onto men who like to have sex with men.
Also the “straight tease” is a very real stereotype that gay and bi men need to steer clear of unless they’re in it for the sexual frustration. These guys like being the main character and having a puppy hanging on them satisfies that need and they don’t want anything sexual beyond on that.
And this is not what you’re asking, but in my experience guys who focus on men they cannot have and reject the men who are available are often subconsciously trying to sabotage their own success in the dating world. They’re scared of losing something if they find a real relationship so they overly criticize the men who are available and they overly worship the men who are not available and then wonder why they are still single.
The commenter above emphasized that gay and bisexual men who constantly fall for unavailable men may be subconsciously sabotaging their dating life. Do you agree with him, guys?
Another gay man commented, “Okay well obviously your roommate has his own internal issues. I was the same way. I initially thought guys were fun and nothing more. Then I realized I could actually fall in love with a man and have a beautiful family and future together.” Some straight men enjoy male attention without fully understanding what they’re doing. For many, they see it as playful and harmless. But that doesn’t mean they’re secretly gay, and assuming they might be can lead to a painful wake-up call.
Lastly, another guy said, “Honestly what got me over falling for straight guys was falling for a straight guy hard.” He added, “It hurt too much in the end so I stopped taking straight crushes seriously. You begin to realize that their acceptance and friendship is more important than their body.” Unfortunately, some gay men learn through heartbreak. After experiencing the inevitable disappointment, you begin to realize that friendship and acceptance are far more valuable than a one-sided attraction.
But how do you move on?
First, recognize patterns. If you constantly fall for straight guys, ask yourself why. Are you chasing the thrill of the unattainable? Are you, like the guy above said, sabotaging your chances with men who actually want you?
Second, shift your focus. Instead of lamenting the lack of attractive gay men in your life, expand your social circles. Attend LGBTQ+ events, join interest groups, download Adam4Adam iOS/Android app here or sign up to our website. and give openly gay or bi men a real chance.
Third, set boundaries. If a straight guy is leading you on, it’s okay to create distance. Prioritize your mental and emotional health.
Having said all that, what about you Adam4Adam blog readers, have you ever fallen for a straight guy? How did you get over it? Share your thoughts and stories in the comments section down below!
give this straight routine fantasy a rest! It is 2025 not 1985 if it is straight, it isn’t available except between the ears not upon the mattress
From the profiles on these apps and gay culture in general.. it’s seems everyone’s fantasy is falling for “straight” guys…
Reddit attracts some of the worst and dumbest of humanity
haha. harsh man!
Or you know… they could just be young. Like we all were once.
Just know whom you are and what you mean in life. You probably good to go
thank you!
Being young isn’t an excuse. We all didn’t act that way when we were young.
I love the rating this got, because I think we all have; if it was a teacher, co-worker, etc., but we learn don’t we, lmao?
for me it was a classmate. But at least it was just a harmless crush.
catholic school?
yes, born and raised Catholic! How did you know?!
went to catholic school and met 5 suspecting classmates: one died from Aids; another suffers from Aids; one had a sex change; one is in a nursing home because of dementia because of cocaine and I am here unaffected!
I didn’t go to a Catholic school nor am I Catholic, but I can relate. From around 9th-12th grades, mid/late-1970s, OMG I couldn’t take my eyes off of one particular kid in school. And I always knew there was no way in hell he could be anything but 110% straight, so I never dared approach him. But he became basically my personal obsession.
Oh, tell me about it, lol, but it felt good, you know, your body sexually waking-up.
There must have easily 1/2 a dozen boys I had serious crushes on. There two teachers; my drama teacher tall, handsome Jewish guy, funny how even grown men wore bowl cuts, lmao, the other was a hunk in my middle school, he too, had bowl cut! It was 60-70’s style I guess along with Tom Selleck mustaches.
Does “falling for” count crushes on tv/movie stars & athletes…or do you mean people you actually know?
people we actually know.
Who cares? Given the chance to have the Cincinnati Bengals quarterback, I’d be in absolute heaven. But he appears to be as straight as they get. I could reel off plenty of hot actors too, but then we’d be edging into a different subject matter altogether.
I remember staring at Bruce Jenner on Wheaties box every morning for about a year. But the meaningful crush is someone we see probably every day. Running coach, a classmate, and one of the other guys who lived in a different dorm at Catholic school.
We all have fantasies but most of us know how to separate them from reality. Yes, I have had straight male friends that I found attractive, but I’d like to think I am mature enough to know that there are certain lines you don’t cross if you want to keep a friendship. Making passes at them or “falling” for them are two of the top NO’s.
Exactly, keep your distance, keep it to yourself, respect for yourself and them, too.
Most of my straight friends are very attractive. I make it a point not to cross that line. Even when they questionably flirt with me, I just smile. I would never do anything to make them feel uncomfortable. So no, I’ve never fallen for one of my straight friends. I have fuck buddies that happily satisfy my every needs.
I guess I have very quick short fuse. I recall a co-worker who jumped on my lap; he’s married, too; shoved him off of me so fast had hard, he traveled a few feet, lmao. I apologized, asking what would happen if I did that to you, he said, “you’re right, I’m sorry, too” everything was cool.
Ha ha ha!! I bet he won’t try that again. You did right.
My workout partner was a married straight guy. I had such a man crush on him that he could get me to work out much harder in the gym than anyone else. We paled around together and went to ball games together but never hooked up. I will admit that he was the frequent fantasy of many jo sessions, but I never made a move on him. Although I don’t see him very often these days, we are still good friends. Sometimes friendship and respect are enough.
Plus you will always have that fantasy! If you had approached him and you both agreed to have sex and it was fair or bad, then you wouldn’t have that hot fantasy anymore.
True, plus friendship is an awesome thing.
The instant a guy tells me he is straight I lose interest.
It is self-sabotaging to “fall for” a straight guy so why even humor the possibility?
It’s rude to try pushing that boundary with someone who just isn’t interested.
There’s nothing that bothers me more than a gay guy who doesn’t take “no” for an answer, so why would I do that to someone else?
Agreed. The whole idea of “falling for a Straight guy” is disrespectful and childish. What is it with some Gay guys who flitter through life with no self-control? And when things end up badly, they’re “the victim”?
If a guy presents as Straight, it’s disrespectful to treat him otherwise. Too many Gay guys demand everyone respect them for who they are and then they have no problem not respecting others.
When I meet a Straight guy, there’s no teasing him. There’s no flirting. No initiating comments about sex.
And no masturbating fantasies either. He’s Straight. Move on.
I know a few openly gay guys, and neither of them have never gotten out of the way with me because they don’t know me like that, they think I’m straight as a arrow, so what I’m saying is we all tend to think that our friends are straight because they show no signs, I show no signs around family and friends, the only people that knows about me is the men I’ve been with , So the friends that we think is straight, maybe more submissive than any bottom we know, but we don’t know, because married guys like… Read more »
Sadly, yes. And it doesn’t end well. But they also fall for me, but some will just not put out. They are chicken.
I am currently head over heals in love with a straight male and have absolutely no intention of getting over him. He’s kinder and more attentive than any gay male I’ve ever been involved with. This man opens doors for me, he cooks for me, he takes care of my lawn and has even helped me make beds in my home. Get over him, hell naw!!! Although I love all the attention, I know it’s never going to develop into a sexual relationship, and I’m fine with that because I have gay men that come and go for sex. I’m… Read more »
I will never understand the obsession with “straight” men… if they are hetero they don’t want you! I personally don’t fantasize over people who don’t want me or if I don’t want them..
The gay community is really strange about the str8 guy stuff. When I go to the gay bars most of the guys think I’m str8. Many have come out and said so. I don’t have any of the stereotypical gay attributes other that wanting to have sexual and emotional relations with a man. But, hey, seems to me lots of gay guys are like women – they really don’t know what the hell they want.
My question is what would be a good way to let a top/bottom know that you are a top/bottom without actually saying you a top/bottom, Yeah I know, that is a crazy question, sometime I think we be waiting on a signal from each other without outing yourself, goes back to what I said earlier, that one friend you think is straight, may not be, and waiting on you to make a move
I have fallen for a few straight guys over the years. But I had not accepted my own homosexuality so I would never have made any sexual moves on any of them…as much as I wanted to. One was in junior high school. He had a identical twin brother, but I could tell them apart. Then there were three different guys at college I had the hots for. The one said and did things that made me wonder if he was baiting me. I do not think they knew I had feelings for them. If they did they never let… Read more »
Kids the opposite for me. I was straight, and horny gave in to letting a guy give me head while I watched porn. Best head ever so it quickly turned to passionate love making. He made me fall in love with him, but was not about settling down and it was too risky to make a relationship happen since he never said no to cock.
So, you’re bi is what I gather, which is nothing wrong with that. Love is love, and it you can’t undo feelings. We feel what we feel, and sometimes we can’t explain or understand it.
When I was younger I fell for so many straight guys it ain’t even funny. I got lucky from time to time with a handful of them, but it feelings fizzled out after that and the lust and feelings went away. That’s when I knew I was just a guy, just like them. Haha.
I was straight and was at a bar and had a gay guy convince me to come to his place, that was my first time. Now I can’t get enough ass.