Speak Out: Have You Ever Fallen for a Straight Guy?

(Photo Credits: Monkey Business Images from Shutterstock)

If so, how did you get over him?

We are asking because a gay man on Reddit asked, “How to get over falling for straight guys?” He further shared his frustration, saying:

Every single time I have a crush on someone they are always straight and it’s really destroying my mental health at this point.

I’m a bi 22m and my roommate’s a straight 24m. He’s an absolute flirt, I came out to him and instead of him putting up boundaries he got closer to me. He randomly touches me, always sits close to me, he makes awkward sexual jokes with me, and locks eyes with me like he wants me. Just every time he interacts with me it feels like there’s sexual tension that he’s purposefully or unintentionally creating. But every single time I ask him about his sexuality he clearly states that he’s straight, he wants kids, and longs for a girlfriend. Yet I still can’t help but be obsessed with him. Literally all my crushes have been this exact same way and it feels like there’s something terribly wrong with me.

Outside of dating apps, it feels like gay people don’t exist. They’re like unicorns. On the rare occasion that I actually meet someone who’s openly gay, I’m almost never attracted to them. Every openly gay person I’ve met has always been too flamboyant for me. I really do hate being bi—I wish I was straight and could just hang out with my guy friends without daydreaming about hooking up with them.

Many gay and bisexual men can relate to falling for a straight guy, only to realize it’s a painful and frustrating cycle. Here’s what some gay men online had to say about moving on from these impossible crushes.

One gay man advised:

You need to have a serious chat with yourself. You need to imagine yourself opening up your feelings to this straight guy and imagine him being turned off and cutting off the relationship you have at the moment. That is where this is going to end up unless you realize there’s no dessert at the end of this meal. Just let a straight friend be a friend and stop there and get your ass onto men who like to have sex with men.

Also the “straight tease” is a very real stereotype that gay and bi men need to steer clear of unless they’re in it for the sexual frustration. These guys like being the main character and having a puppy hanging on them satisfies that need and they don’t want anything sexual beyond on that.

And this is not what you’re asking, but in my experience guys who focus on men they cannot have and reject the men who are available are often subconsciously trying to sabotage their own success in the dating world. They’re scared of losing something if they find a real relationship so they overly criticize the men who are available and they overly worship the men who are not available and then wonder why they are still single.

The commenter above emphasized that gay and bisexual men who constantly fall for unavailable men may be subconsciously sabotaging their dating life. Do you agree with him, guys?

Another gay man commented, “Okay well obviously your roommate has his own internal issues. I was the same way. I initially thought guys were fun and nothing more. Then I realized I could actually fall in love with a man and have a beautiful family and future together.” Some straight men enjoy male attention without fully understanding what they’re doing. For many, they see it as playful and harmless. But that doesn’t mean they’re secretly gay, and assuming they might be can lead to a painful wake-up call.

Lastly, another guy said, “Honestly what got me over falling for straight guys was falling for a straight guy hard.” He added, “It hurt too much in the end so I stopped taking straight crushes seriously. You begin to realize that their acceptance and friendship is more important than their body.” Unfortunately, some gay men learn through heartbreak. After experiencing the inevitable disappointment, you begin to realize that friendship and acceptance are far more valuable than a one-sided attraction.

But how do you move on?

First, recognize patterns. If you constantly fall for straight guys, ask yourself why. Are you chasing the thrill of the unattainable? Are you, like the guy above said, sabotaging your chances with men who actually want you?

Second, shift your focus. Instead of lamenting the lack of attractive gay men in your life, expand your social circles. Attend LGBTQ+ events, join interest groups, download Adam4Adam iOS/Android app here or sign up to our website.  and give openly gay or bi men a real chance.

Third, set boundaries. If a straight guy is leading you on, it’s okay to create distance. Prioritize your mental and emotional health.

Having said all that, what about you Adam4Adam blog readers, have you ever fallen for a straight guy? How did you get over it? Share your thoughts and stories in the comments section down below!