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The world of gay culture is filled with shared experiences, from coming out to finding your first love or crush. But what happens when you are unable to relate to some of the so-called “universal” experiences that many gay men seem to go through? A gay redditor sparked this conversation by asking, “What is a ‘universal’ gay experience that you didn’t experience?” He added, “Apparently lots of guys have jerked off with their friends at some point, I have not and honestly I can’t even imagine doing it.” The topic left many others reflecting on the gay experiences they hadn’t had yet. What are some of these experiences, and why might they be so common, yet out of reach for some?
One of the most popular answers that arose was the so-called “slut phase.” This phase is often depicted in stories about gay men, where many recount their younger years of casual sex, hookups, or promiscuity. One redditor mentioned, “I’ve never really had this slut phase people talk about.” For many, this phase of experimentation and exploration is seen as a rite of passage. However, for some, this phase either didn’t materialize or never felt right. Whether due to a lack of opportunity or personal preference, many gay men find themselves not participating in what others consider a universal part of their gay journey.
Another common experience many gay men talk about is the feeling of early gay love or first crushes, often referred to as a “young gay love.” One gay man expressed, “Yeah, I wish I had a young experimentation phase. Wish I could’ve had a young gay love, or something. Hell, I wish I could find someone now, it’s not easy when you live in the boonies.” For those who grew up in small towns, the idea of a young gay love is often more of a dream than a reality. It can be especially isolating when the gay community feels distant, leaving people longing for experiences others seemed to have with ease.
Physical fitness also seems to be another “common gay experience” that many feel left out of. “Enjoy going to the gym and have ripped physique,” shared one guy. The gym culture in the gay community, often associated with beauty standards and body ideals, is another experience that many gay men either don’t relate to or don’t participate in. While some enjoy building muscle and working on their physique, others may have different interests or feel disconnected from the pressure to look a certain way.
Friendship dynamics in the gay community also come with their own set of experiences. “Having friends that are mostly girls?” another commented. It’s a familiar trope for gay men to bond closely with women, often forming strong, platonic friendships. However, not every gay man experiences these tight-knit bonds with women, and instead, they may have a more diverse circle of friends or may not feel they fit into this social mold.
For some, getting bullied for being gay a prominent part of their journey. However, one guy revealed, “I was never bullied for being feminine, bullies were too busy mocking me because I was fat.” Experiences of bullying often differ, and while some are targeted for their femininity, others experience different forms of bullying based on body image, personality, or other factors. This highlights the unique struggles that come with being part of any minority group, where even common experiences like bullying manifest in diverse ways.
Finally, the experience of being “out” to someone is another universal gay experience that some may have missed out on. As one guy shared, “Being out to someone.” For many, coming out is a life-defining moment, but for others, it may never for them. Whether it’s due to family dynamics, cultural barriers, or personal preferences, the process of coming out is not a one-size-fits-all experience.
What about you, Adam4Adam blog readers, are there any so-called “universal” gay experiences that passed you by? What were some moments that you expected to experience but never did? Share your thoughts and stories with us down in the comments section below!
This don’t really pertains to the subject matter, but when I seen universal, this came to my mind. One summer morning at about 10 am, I was driving on a busy highway about 30 minutes from my house. A handsome Hispanic guy passed me and gave me a stare. He was gorgeous!!! I then sped up and passed him and I stared at him and smiled. He smiled back. I was in front of him now so I looked for the next exit and pulled off the road and drove down the side road hoping he’d follow and he did.… Read more »
As far as sticking to the subject matter, I didn’t start having sex with guys until my late thirties. I lived as a straight male, only having sex with women. The universal experiences this subject matter speak of, don’t associate with my journey.
Matt – this is somewhat similar. Although I started w/ guys younger (18), I got married in my mid-20s and stopped all gay sex until my mid-30s, then started again and never stopped (now in my mid-60s). Nobody knows other than those I’ve fucked. Here’s the relatable part: At age 24, I was walking down a NYC sidewalk, passed by this gorgeous guy. Kept walking but turned back to get another look at him – he had turned back too! We connected, exchanged info, then went to my place for sex. Never saw him again but will never forget it.
Anal Sex
What is a ‘universal’ Gay experience?
All gay guys are different. Not all like the same sexual acts.
Some kiss. Some don’t.
Some like to bottom. Some like to top. Some don’t like either.
Some suck. Some don’t.
Some like to be sucked. Some don’t.
Some swallow. Some don’t.
Some like to be masturbated. Some don’t.
Is there some set of sex acts that if guys don’t do with each other they’re not Gay?
By now, I’ve tried most things that interest me!
My one “I wish I would have” was not taking up two married guys on a parking lot hook up when I was 17 and later on not saying yes to a boyfriend’s allegedly straight brother, a married pro-football player, who wanted to experience pounding a man’s ass. Just once he said (yeah, right).
I questioned that myself when I’ve read the blog and I like how you describe how different every gay guy are in the world. It’s spot on and straight to the point.
I didn’t date nor have a bf until I graduated college. So I’ll never know what the “high school sweetheart” was all about.
The time I DID date/have a bf only lasted 3-4 years & have been alone/single since.
To sum it up, I’ll be 51 this year & have been dateless/alone for 47 of them.
Ive had several group play experiences but alway wanted to try getting or giving in a double fuck situation. More bottom theses days but could definitely enjoy rubbing cocks with someone inside another buddy . And while the thought of taking 2 cocks at once in me scares me a bit it also excites me me!
Double Penetrating. Asian and black
To be in love with someone at the same time he was in love with me.
I’m a closet bottom that’s married to a woman, I enjoy both men and women, I love submissive women, and I enjoy being submissive to men, I except who I am, so I am not lying to myself, But I don’t ever want to come out,
Nailed It!!! It was like I wrote it..lol I agree and I am the same way (except for now I’m now divorced). Submissive women, yes please.. but dam i love being submissive with the guys…
Bingo…. I could have wrote that as well…
From chatting with other married bottoms and some tops, I usually get most married bottoms are submissive and more likely to be into dressing in sexy things while behind closed doors with a top, not all but most, I’ve chatted with some tops and I’ve had a few tell me that they prefer married bottoms because they’re very freaky with men, being submissive and being in panties while getting fucked is a really big turn on for me, once behind closed doors with a top I like to be who I what to be even if it for just a… Read more »
I’m a married totally submissive cross-dressing sissy.
I’m on Adam4Adam as FISHNET-SISSY
Respect and admire you for being yourself and having no problem saying what want and like. Enjoy reading your responses on here.
Thank you
The slut phase, definitely the slut phase. Being a married bi male, it’s hard to meet and talk to another male with the same interests, very hard. But right now, I’m just in the mood to suck cocks, lots of them. I find myself watching more and more bukakke porn. I get hard as a rock thinking about gang bangs even though I’m a virgin. I can’t go to the gym anymore, I get hard in the locker room walking around with all those naked men and then in the shower, wow, oh well, hopefully this will pass.
In all of my years being out, I have yet to walk with a guy holding my hand open, freely and uninhibited.
Being Bi and not out. I dream about going away with a male lover, for a week end and enjoy being open and lovable.
I often fantasize about going away for a weekend with a lover, just hangout and for the most part , just to be able to lay around naked having sex and just being able to sleep with him and in his arms all night . And not have to worry about rushing home, just be free all weekend
I would like to take a week or two vacation with a lover and enjoy each other without worrying about scheduling or where to meet up. Just enjoy each other.
So many universal experiences and desires. One I would share because I surprised myself. I live in a very family oriented suburban area, south of the main city. One Saturday afternoon I decided to go on craiglist and advertise a gay group sex party, not expecting any hits because of the location. Surprisingly, my email was blowing up, so I got the place ready, only expecting a handful of people. Over 25 guys showed up and showed out in a good way. They followed my house rules, no drugs, smoking, pnp, and I was watching everyone having a blast; young,… Read more »
I’ve had sex with about every ethnicity of guys out there. Each guy was beautiful in his own way. For some reason (I’m white) making out and fucking with someone who is interracially different is a turn on. About the only thing I haven’t done is double penetration (in me), not for not trying. Ouch!