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Everyone tells a little white lie now and then, but when it comes to gay men, are there certain things we tend to lie about more often? Whether itās exaggerating experiences, downplaying feelings, or fibbing about something as simple as gym habits or body count, what are the most common lies in our community? Do we lie to fit in, to protect ourselves, or just to make life a little easier? What do you think Adam4Adam blog readersāwhat do gay men lie about the most, and why?
A recent question online touched on this topic. The original poster (OP) asked, āWhat do gay men lie about the most according to your own observations?ā The responses were candid, humorous, and, at times, surprisingly relatable.
Here are some of the most popular answers from the thread, offering a glimpse into the little white lies and bigger deceptions that seem to pop up frequently in the gay dating scene.
“Age for sure,ā one gay man replied. āAnd it’s weird especially when older top men do it because most younger gay boys loooove older tops so it’s like, why lie? Makes them so unattractive when dishonest.” Age deception seems to be a common lie. While societal pressure often pushes people to appear younger, this comment highlights the ironyāmany younger gay men actually find older partners attractive. The dishonesty, not the age, becomes the dealbreaker.
On the other hand, someone replied, “Willingness to meet. There will be a lot of talk but when you actually start planning it they ghost or block.” This points to a frustrating pattern in online interactions: plenty of flirtation and promises that vanish when itās time to make concrete plans. Whether itās fear of commitment or just playing the game, the inconsistency can be disappointing.
Another gay man said, “To me itās a tie between pictures and dick size.” Photos and physical attributes are classic areas where embellishments occur. Whether itās outdated photos or exaggerated measurements, these fabrications often lead to awkward meetups when expectations donāt match reality.
Meanwhile, someone pointed out, “Relationship status seems to be a common one.” Misrepresenting relationship status isnāt just limited to straight couples. Some gay men shared experiences of finding out that someone they were talking to was already in a relationship, leading to feelings of betrayal and mistrust.
Lastly, someone shared, “That they are into you and want to know more about you. It’s all flirtatious and sweet until they start asking for more explicit pics, that’s the moment you know they are just interested in your body. Or when you come up with a plan to actually meet up in person, they’d be like ‘oh shit he is serious’ and start ghosting. He added:
āSome guys just enjoy playing with other’s feeling because they got hurt the same way in their past. If that isn’t toxic, I donāt know what is.
Other than that, I’d say it’s weight and dick size in my experience. IDK man, I get it could be frustrating but men with soft belly and small dicks are HOT, so as honesty.” This user dives deeper into emotional dishonestyāpretending to be interested in someoneās personality while only seeking physical satisfaction. The cycle of hurt and dishonesty can perpetuate a toxic environment where genuine connections are harder to find.
Having said all that, these answers reveal that dishonesty in the gay dating world isnāt just about vanityāitās often tied to deeper insecurities, societal pressures, and past experiences. Whether itās fudging the numbers on age, weight, or size, or pretending to be single or genuinely interested, these small lies can have a big impact on trust and connection. Donāt you think so, too?
So, what about you, Adam4Adam blog readers? Have you ever encountered these common fibs in your online dating life? How do you handle situations where someone isnāt being entirely truthful to you? And do you think honesty is always the best policy, or is there room for a little embellishment in the name of romance? Share your thoughts and stories in the comments section down below!
Most annoying is no face pic. Then showing a pic that is 20 years old. Worst of all is ghosting.
The biggest thing is the meeting thing you talked back and forth with a bunch of e-mails then when you’re ready to meet that is it nothing even when it only meeting for the first time over coffee you still get ghosted
Your wording gets a little wonky here, but I think you’re saying you have dozens of texts back/forth, then just as you’re looking to set up a real in-person meeting, the guy vanishes. If so, I agree – it’s happened to me countless times. Not only frustrating and downright confusing, but all that time wasted!
Yes. Same here.
Happens on a regular basis and I agree completely…What a waste of time
Yet…we all keep on doing it and wasting yet more time. LOL
Where to start? They’ll say they are vers or ver/top but they are only looking to bottom. They say chubby in their profile and tell you they are 5’9″ and 200 pounds but they send a pic and they’re pushing 300 pounds. Say they are hung and 8″ and send a pic or you meet them and they’re barely 6″.
I hate when a guy tells me he’s masculine cause he has a beard, but when you meet him his voice and his body language Screams I’m open and out,, or a100% top what’s me to fuck him, After I’ve told him I’m a 100% bottom, or I tell them I don’t like my dick sucked, but soon as we’re naked they want to suck my dick,, or they tell me he has a 8″ dick, which turns out to be weak 6″ , A really big turn off, Why lie, I am a very masculine very discreet DL 100%… Read more »
I don’t know how many times I’ve heard total top here then as you say they want to get pounded like a bitch , even double penetrated and fisted.
I get that all the time, and especially the guys who claim they are very masculine , but when you meet them they’re sucking on a blowpop, with driving a Honda, then they want to talk shit when you walk away,, I tell guys, I am married and I’m very masculine and dominant in my everyday life, but once behind closed doors with a masculine dominant top, I can become very submissive and sometimes a panty bottom, so they will know what to expect, no surprises
So basically – EVERYTHING? š
So many times. I hooked up with a guy once, super hot, his pics were accurate. He said we was 5’9″ and about 8″. When I got to his house, I could tell it was him, his pics matched, but he was barely 5’3″ which meant his dick was more like 6 1/2″. Still a good fuck, but like I won’t notice you’re 5’3 instead of 5’9?
I think we all exaggerate a bit. I been in your situation and naturally be horny when we arranged the hookup. You said his face pic matched his online pic and was a good fuck. That’s a decent match. I would have sex with him as well plus 6.5 ain’t bad at all. I don’t remember having many bad sex sessions so I really don’t mind if a guy lie about his height, weight, dick size as long as he is fuckable. Lol
It’s one thing to exaggerate. 5’9 when really 5’8, ok whatever. But I expected a guy taller than me to one shorter. It’s like if you lie about stupid shit, what the fuck else are you lying about?
My own so-called policy is that I’m 100% honest about anything sexual or physical. As for personal stuff, like my real name, actual address, etc., I won’t lie about any of it – I just won’t reveal it. But when it comes to what I’m up for doing in bed with a guy, what I look like, my actual ht/wt/cock size, etc., my sense is, why lie? What’s the point? To show up somewhere and meet only for it to unravel within a couple of minutes? Stupid.
They lie about everything. From the age to their shoe size, lol . I hate it when they lie about stupid dumb bullcrap (dick size, face n body pics from 40 yrs ago). Itās ok to be yourself and not someone else. You dont have to lie to get attention.
I used to say most men lie about cock size. Of late it seems to have evolved (or devolved) as
more and more it seems to be about relationship status, i.e., claim to be single when involved or dating others to even being married. Alternate reality, apparently.
First thing I’ll tell any guy I’m looking to hook up with is that I’m married to my wife and I’m doing this completely behind her back. If another guy doesn’t want to deal with me because of that, so be it. We move on.
I myself be straight up front, I tell guys that I am married, even when I meet other women I tell them I’m married,
Fake widowers is common now. Scammers lie about everything, of course.
You’re on it with scammers. I was sent a message from an out of stater wanting to get to know me. He was pictured on a sailboat without clothes on. My profile states that if you’re from out of my area, I won’t reply unless it’s indicated you’re here visiting. But this one really got my attention. I replied, “What kind of vessel are you pictured on?” He responded, “What do you mean?” I said in turn, “If that is really you in your profile pic, you’ll know what I’m talking about.” His spelling and English began to falter. I’m… Read more »
We all lie. Regardless of straight or gay. We live in a consumptive society where supply and demand rule so we are forced to sell ourselves. smart people lie realistically; dumb people lie wishfully.
I do not lie. Keep your bs to yourself.
Well, basically all the things their not……
“Looking for: Love/Relationship” …when all they want is sex. And they care more about someone’s body than true connection. And there are guys who explicitly SAY they want a “real connection”, but all they judge is your body. Another lie I frequently encounter is typically from guys over 45: they use a body picture they took when they were 30. I’ve been on A4A on and off for 12 years. Some guys have the SAME photo now that they had then. They reach out with a pretense that they still look like that, but then I see them for real… Read more »
Cheney, KS
Acara, Africa
Unless Cheney KS is 90% gay the detector would determine that is a lie. Also when they say they are local but their profile says they are 5000 miles away
The Cheney issue results from an unknown IP address location….actually, it started from a misplacement of the US geographical/geolocation center as Potwin KS, Cheney or Cheney Reservoir by Maxmind, an IP address location service. If the address couldn’t be determined, Maxmind defaulted the location to Cheney…see https://www.denverpost.com/2016/08/10/lawsuit-kansas-home-600-million-ip-addresses/ and other citations.
In any case, the bottom line is the use of Cheney, KS is a clue that someone is either hiding or trying to hide their current location and, to me, that profile is automatically suspect and rejected as a real profile.
Thanks for the info.
After receiving several messages from guys in Cheney, KS, out of curiosity, I Googled the place. About the ONLY thing there, or at least near by, is some kind of military base. That is a gigantic RED FLAG!!! I take it to mean, the guy is stationed who knows where in the world and it could be part of some setup to trap me, you or military personnel. I simply block each and every one without reading any messages. These days, with all the shit going on in Washington, better to not answer.
It doesn’t mean they’re on a military base. It’s a malfunction on A4A’s end.
Yeah, please advise. What’s with all these guys posting from Cheney, KS. You’d think A4A would have a handle on it by now and stop it.
seems to be some kind of a prostitute ring or escort service? we have all reported the location and the chats.
Do you have any evidence for this claim?
I wrote…it seems not is fact
Those are certainly all words.
and yours are all rhetoric
I see Sedgwick, Kansas all the time, too.
Van Wert Ohio is another one.
Dick size and old photos would be at the top of the list from my experiences. Big dicks or 9 and over online were actually 7 to 8 in reality. And using old pics of your younger self only to find you have aged quite a bit since that pic was taken are big turn offs. And guys wonder why they can’t get a man online. There seems to be too much embellishing going on.
Everything. Weight, cock size, age, location…
Being Mother Hennepin.
Agreed. He was voted Most Likely to Anally Prolapse in high school
Who cares about little lies like weight/height/dick size/age unless they are MASSIVE and apparent! It’s the ones about relationship status and Health that cause the most trouble and problems ~ nothing like FALLING for a fantastic looking sociopath that’s married or in a relationship š Harder to find out the TRUTH about those lies, then about age, weight and physical characteristics!!!
I think some people are dishonest about their relationship status because they are afraid of potential scammers who look for committed/married/vulnerable men who they can shake down when they say or do something compromising. People often lie about willingness to meet because they are afraid of consequences and flirtatious conversation leads to successful masturbation which reduces desire and invites guilt into the equation.
Reading through the comments, itās mostly lying about age, dick size, being a vers/top, body type, and old pics. The shallowness of it all. I am sure most of the commenters are bottoms. We should be used to gay men lying about something by now; especially when it comes to getting sex from online. Majority of us are not % honest when it comes to hooking up, regardless of what our profiles say. My expectations are not low, but they certainly arenāt high. I met my ex on A4A, and we both were a train wreck from the start. However,… Read more »
1. A4A weirdos, in every major city and the 35 states I worked in while using Adam, who profess their interest and want to meet but, somehow, something comes up, they just don’t show, or they exaggerate some defect to announce why you are not longer acceptable. Lol. If only they knew how predictable and trite. 2. The face pic demanders. This isn’t linked in. It’s a gay meet/pickup site where they’re not interested in your face. When you offer to send you an email, they ghost. 3. The bots that, if you do fall for one, send you an… Read more »
Some refer that methodology as “the gay catch and release” programme.
One of the most annoying things I’ve discovered on this site are the numbers of scammers that claim they are into someone, then several conversations later they get around to asking for money and want you to purchase gift cards for them. My profile states that I am not a sugar daddy. I support myself and I’m not here to support others financially.
to their wives or other men?
All I can say is look at the things we endure, hoping to hook up with a piece of ass.
ha! true, this!
The year was 2000, I haven’t heard of any dating apps yet but there was mIRC. There I met a guy who I thought, at the very least, became my online friend. Months after we decided to meet in person but alas, I waited until the mall closed and he was a no-show. I experienced being ghosted way before a term was invented for it.
They lie about being perfect, no one is smhā¦
If that’s a lie you believed, that’s on you, no the person who said it.
I just hate when they’re not who they say they are, period.
That sort of begs the question, doesn’t it?
Height, age, weight, dick size, marital status, financials. Not necessairly in that order. That about covers things. To quote Edith Ann: “Lies are not the truth, but the truth can be made up if you know how”.