(Photo Credits: MAOIKO from Shutterstock)
The online dating and hookup landscape has evolved drastically over the years, and platforms like Adam4Adam have become spaces where diverse members of the LGBTQ+ community connect. But for older gay men, experiences on these platforms can vary significantly based on perceptions, preferences, and biases in the online dating world.
Adam4Adam blog reader scratch recently posed an intriguing question: “How are older gay males perceived and acknowledged on sex sites?”
This raises an important discussion about ageism, sexual preferences, and how older gay men navigate online dating challenges.
Older gay men often find themselves in a unique position on sex and dating sites. While some users actively seek connections with older partners, others might dismiss or exclude them entirely. Preferences and perceptions can depend on cultural norms, personal biases, or individual sexual attraction.
On one hand, many users appreciate the maturity, life experience, and confidence older men bring to the table. Terms like “silver fox” and “daddy” often celebrate age and experience, particularly within the gay community. For these men, online platforms can be places where their desirability is acknowledged and even celebrated.
On the other hand, ageism persists. Some profiles explicitly exclude older users with phrases like “no one over [insert age].” This can feel dismissive and alienating for older gay men seeking connections, sexual or otherwise.
It’s important to recognize that preferences are deeply personal. While one user may prefer connecting with partners within their age range, another may exclusively seek older partners. These dynamics shape how older gay men are perceived and how they experience platforms like Adam4Adam.
Here are some of the experiences older gay men have reported:
- Feeling overlooked: Some older users mention being ignored or excluded due to age-related biases.
- Being fetishized: Others report being sought after only to fulfill “daddy” or “mature” fantasies, rather than for genuine connections.
- Finding validation: Many older gay men find online platforms affirming, as they connect with users who admire their age, experience, and confidence.
Online dating platforms like Adam4Adam have a role to play in ensuring inclusivity. Features like customizable search options, inclusive language, and visibility for all age groups can help users feel respected and valued.
For individuals, being mindful of the language used in profiles and interactions can foster a more welcoming environment for everyone.
Having said all that, have you ever experienced ageism or bias on Adam4Adam or other platforms? Do you feel celebrated, overlooked, or misunderstood? More importantly, how do you navigate perceptions and biases as an older gay man online? What advice do you have for creating more inclusive and supportive online communities? Share with us your stories and insights in the comments section below.
I am a stereotype. 5 10 170. Trim white beard. Guys think they are cute when they call me daddy. I don’t think so. Not worried about being validated at this point. Some people are intimidated just by my fitness level. No gym rat but in shape. Some guys get really nasty when they get turned down. I go from daddy stud to creepy troll as soon as I say no thanks. The biggest issue I see is an impotency epidemic. The last 3 men I have been with, limp dicks. This “chastity” fad is ridiculous. “OK if I’m in… Read more »
It turns me on when they call me daddy.
I learned to “validate myself” first off. It is much more difficult dating as a “senior citizen”; there, I said it, lmao, but hell, I’ve always been old in a matter of speaking. Problem being though, as I prefer another like me, many have penile dysfunction/s due to conditions/compromises in their health conditions, etc., unfortunately, so, they can only cum by penetration anally. I’m now in and for the last 21yrs., living in Soflo., too many HIV+, as I’m an African American, I’m not about to fall into that number at this ripening age, lol, no way, so, I stick… Read more »
Women look at me and smile all the time now. It never happened (or I just did not notice it) when I was younger.
As a youthful older man, most men my age are very unappealing; fortunately, there are a number of younger men who find me appealing, but not nearly enough of them, and far too many want money.
It’s hit and miss. Most younger guys looking for older are bottoms. I’m a older guy with the libido of a 30 year old and still get rock hard…..i just don’t enjoy being a top as much as i enjoy a hot young top. Thank God i can still attract guys to my liking…..but as i said they are fewer and far between. I have been called nasty names as well by younger guys who don’t understand the dynamic. I have tried a couple of the daddy sites…..but most are filled with guys hundreds of miles away, and of course… Read more »
I’m 70; I have a waiting list. I’m fit, not looking for love, have a thick hard eight inches, and have too much fun. If this is about sex, I’m doing well. Lots of eager guys, variety, in this era I’m doing great. I hope others are, too.
We were separated at birth…. Seventy-one and going extra strong. Live your best life, my brother.
You both sound immature.
So being sexually active & enjoying it is immature? Judging & name calling sounds like you’re just not a nice person. Maybe jealous. Having a life style you disagree with doesn’t make them immature, just different than you. And sounds like, more fun.
Geography is definitely a factor, in a city with good transportation you have many more options.
The size and age of the gay community you are closest to are other factors. Areas that have bars that have been open for 30 or 40 years tend to be more supportive of all age groups.
Man that dude is living pathetic, he never has anything positive to say, I think he just a troll, and want other people to be miserable like him, most people on here never reply to him, he’s a sick and lonely shit rag
Immature for enjoying sex & not being ashamed of it?
Sounds pretty judgmental. Jealous?
You got me by 12 years, but I’m not really as active as I used to be by choice, so no waiting list here. I’m tired of all the eager bottoms… too many where I live. But lately finding more younger black guys who are tops approaching me. I find that interesting because I’m a tall older black guy and we are usually ignored in certain environments.
There ARE many eager bottoms. Too many, well maybe, I like to flip, too. Younger guys have stamina, I have stamina, we all go home smiling. Groups are a favorite of mine. A stiff 8″ on a guy was a tasty treat when I was young, and I’m happy to return the favor. HMU next time you’re in Indiana.
I am a 69 year old Bisexual man. I have been noticing how hard it is to meet anyone, whether it be a man or a lady. I do suffer from E.D. so I don’t pursue a relationship because of that. I also don’t like being called “Daddy”. I just want someone to hangout with and have occasional sex.
not enough silver foxes in my area to play with
Geographic is usually a hinderance for some of us.
As an older “Daddy” i am surprised at the number of younger guys that are attracted to me, which i have zero issue with … my current lover is 30 yrs younger than me and absolutely adores me which is extremely satisfying
It all depends on if you are a bottom or a top. If you are a bottom and want to date an older guy, be prepared to be treated as a child. I prefer to top older guys, then I don’t have to be told what to do or be treated like I’m dumb for not wanting to settle down or be apart of the “in crowd”. As a top I can fuck, and live my life until I want to fuck again.
I have a son, 38, so I am already a biological daddy. that is enough for me so when a gay male refers to me as a daddy, I correct him, I already have a son, no interest in having a surrogate son. the smart ones get the message and refer to me using my first name, the others leave me be. I do not find being called a daddy a compliment.
Is sir the same thing to you or is that just “alright” or feel more respectful sex wise? I’ve never felt like using daddy in general. Interested in men’s opinion on it
just doesn’t apply to me. i understand it for what it is. my son calls me Dad and that i acknowledge. others can call me by my name not my age.
Noted, been wanting to ask around about it and messaging people assume it’s leading to a hookup and dont respond past an introduction “hello how are you” to start a vanilla conversation so- yeah.. lol
Sir is much better & a more generic sign of respect for a man you really don’t know. Calling a man “daddy” especially one you don’t know you’ve already decided his role fore him.
Asking a man how he would like to be addressed shows respect
Really not much different than asking a person’s pronouns.
I understand what you are saying and agree with you. I do not care to be called daddy or sir either. I have a first name and prefer that others use it. Surely if we are going to get naked, we can be on a first-name basis. And yes, I realize that many use fake names.
Age, yes I’m older, has been no more of an issue than any other “must” certain guys must have as they foolishly scroll past guys on sites such as A4A. Top/Bottom/ Sub/Dom, Kiss/No Kiss, Safe Sex/Bareback … age has been in there as A factor as much as them. No more. No less. I don’t specify an age preference in my profile. I’m looking for guys who have their shit together, sexually and otherwise. Guys who will discuss what that means for us both. I’ll hit up guys or not based upon their what they may specify in their profiles.… Read more »
Not quite 60 yet, but the in the past couple of years, I’ve been approached by younger men, like 25+ younger. And most of them are well educated and established so I don’t think it’s about the daddy thing, but they are looking for mature and well-established men to be in relationships with. I usually disappoint them because I prefer older men when it comes to sex. However, I usually enjoy the conversations I have with younger men. Sometimes, the chemistry is intense, which leads to sex, but nothing more on my end. Give me a silver daddy any day.… Read more »
I am seventy-one years old. I look fifty. I counter ageism by writing the one lie contained in my profile; I shave fifteen years off my age. I do not mind being objectified because I’m unusually over-endowed. Similarly, I’m not concerned about what attracts my much younger lovers to my phallus. Invariably, I share my true age with lovers after our initial encounter. Three of my lovers are 38, 37, and 31. Each has been coming by for over a decade and have become good friends – although, as a parent who raised my two Preciouses alone as a divorced,… Read more »
I don’t think you need to shave any years off. As a younger guy I like over 50 and not ceiling.
Very informative and interesting. I am a bit older than you.. I also shave off some years. Everyone on my mom’s side has had the situation, where they look significantly younger than their age. Yes I have been ridiculed by some younger guys just for being over 40. Years ago I was 36, dating a guy for 6 months I thought was 25. One day he tells me he was 18. I kinda freaked out. I hated the thought of someone calling me a ‘cradle robber’. Thru the years two of my 4 lovers were 12 years younger than me,… Read more »
Diabetes, Spinal Stenosis and Prostate Cancer have pretty much wiped out participation. I have an implant that works well. I’ve found lists to be disappointing but occasionally meet someone that pans out during outside activities. In the past I’ve always looked younger than my age and I’ve met some guys who were 15-20 years younger who enjoyed the experience as did I. It’s too bad we don’t have the book stores in Charlotte anymore.
The photo is not of two older men…
I LOVE A OLDER MAN they are just don’t go right into sex they go like touching and rubbing and kissing and then sex plus they have been with more guys and when I see that they are older I am hitting them up
Because I’m married to a woman and being a closet bottom, I prefer older men(tops) because they don’t run around telling their or your business, I’ve sucked plenty dicks and have been fucked so many times, it wasn’t until I met this 65yr old black guy , he showed me the true meaning of getting fucked, he was in great shape and looked like he was about 50 yr old, most of the younger guy’s around my age 40ish either their dick didn’t stay hard while fucking or until the older guy showed me that they really didn’t know how… Read more »
Closet bottom, wow what a scene! I would love to meet a guy like that!
As an older man, I do find it more difficult to connect with someone on sites like Adam. What makes it more difficult is that i prefer to bottom. I dont think older tops have as much of a problem. With younger men, if they reach out to me, its usually because they think im a sexy Daddy. Once they know im a bottom they either lose interest or all of a sudden money is discussed. As a rule, I pretty much prefer older men, always have, so my only problem there is finding a mature man who tops. And… Read more »
I am only 63, and mostly the people I have met who are younger than me and they all just think I’m a bank and they want money or me to pay their bills for them. and they use sex to try and get it. otherwise I’m told I’m to old. and this is from guys ages 40 to 60.
Im 48 – 63 is the perfect age range IMHO – the only problem is older men can manage to get or stay erect in a condom – I don’t play any other way either as a top or bottom – My question is why are so many older men against using ED medications? I have a hard time find the ones that do in los Angeles
I am not a fan of being referred to as ‘daddy’. In fact, it’s a bit creepy to me when you think of the implications. Dating at this stage of my life (age 69) has been a challenge… I have met a few guys and dated for several months but there were always obstacles. The biggest problem I have found is people drinking too much and too often. Consequently they are unable to perform. The other issue is that I really want a long term relationship and everyone I run into just wants to get laid. I have never been… Read more »
Gee, consider this..
Guys are not good at LTRs, Straight or Gay.
But I’ve found many guys who are looking for LTRFWBs (Long-term Friends With Benefits). Some of my FWBs have been in my life for over a decade.
We met not by wanting to “date”. Yes, we were looking for sex, but we also wanted to connect with guys who wanted more. Not dating, or monogamy. Just not hookups. But ongoing relationships.
It’s worked out well. I don’t just have one guy in my life, I have a few. And yes … we’ve acknowledged there is a “love” factor.
Hunter, you and I really connect on your response. It makes so much sense. We get the rewards of a long term relationship and don’t have to put up with the drama of a real relationship. I have 3 fuck buddies I met on here and I love them to death. We can fuck passionately half the night and then say good bye and go home. The next week or two, it may be another fuck buddy.. You nailed it sir.
It’s different strokes, for different (older) folks. It’s not one size fits all. I (age = 64) like being called daddy; and likely because I like 20-something young men with all their emotional challenges, lack of social skills, and “boy” energy; and the term “daddy” also strokes my ego. 🙂 Am I a bank to some of them? Absolutely but only if they are a decent bottom. 🙂 As a top, there’s never a shortage of bottoms (young or old) and currently, I’m not having any issues with impotence. However, as I’ve aged, the sex thing isn’t that interesting or… Read more »
Trying so hard to make ‘wokeism’ an issue by using terms like ‘ageist.’ It’s no more difficult to define except by individual preference. How difficult can that be to comprehend?
I was young and creeped out when men decades beyond my age approached me. I wasn’t unkind but I also wasn’t interested. Every now and then, though, I was charmed. Now that I’m that age, I accept rejection. I don’t accept unkindness though, although I frankly don’t experience much age-related unkindness. Tell me your not interested and I’ll move on and I’ll do the same If you take dating apps too seriously you will experience much rejection I see these as opening variations at a cocktail party (and sometimes you’re only dealing with a cock or a tail). Move forward… Read more »
I cant seem to find a functioning silver daddy – I am a closeted man that is attracted to older men 59-70yrs- I am 48- in los Angeles – the silver daddies I find cant seem to flip and/or don’t take care of themselves – I thought A4A would be a hunting ground but even there its tough to find that masculine, blue collar daddy type.
My experience has been varied from the “Oh, you’re disgusting old man, you’re older than my grandpa” to the 18, 19, and 20 year olds that can’t wait to get me in bed repeatedly.
Being a 65 year old bottom is definitely a mixed bag – from those that pretend I don’t exist to those who won’t leave me alone.
Thankfully there are enough of the latter to pretty much keep me busy and satisfied!
I’m so old my dick has shrunk, but then I got good use out of it, since I fucked many thousands of hot men. Many pornstars, escorts (for free, many “top” escorts contacted me when they wanted to get plowed) and even main stream celebrities, but mostly thousands of really hot nobodies. I mostly fuck my husband of 30 years now. I only married him because his fuck tube was one of the best I ever plowed and not because he was a genius with a doctorate in physics and made us 25 million dollars. Thanks to my magnificent cock,… Read more »
I really believe that the only guy you should be calling Daddy is your dad.
I’m 27 and find nothing hotter than a fit silver fox who you assume is 50 or 60, and he says he is in his 70s. But also, more conversation, more kissing, more touch, leads to a greater connection, and great sex.
That’s the way I roll! Would love to meet you!
If I get called ‘Daddy’ one more time, . . . !
I’ll be 68 soon and enjoy hooking up with men 55 and up. They are more laid back and not usually aggressive. How ever I’m less than 10 miles from a college town. The bois are always looking for daddy dick. I’ve gotten a lot of anal virgins. They just love being with an older guy and will do just about anything you tell them.