Hooking Up: He Thought He Was Curious—Now He Says He’s Straight

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Curiosity gone cold?

So, a hookup said he was curious—curious enough to explore something new, take a chance, and dive into uncharted waters. But after a few hookups and flirtations, he’s saying it’s not for him and that he’s “straight after all.

Has this ever happened to you? If so, how did you handle it? Care to share your story?

One Reddit user on the popular forum r/askgaybros posed an intriguing question: “How would you feel if a ‘str8 curious’ guy stopped you mid-hookup and sincerely told you he’s realized he really is straight?” This is a real scenario many gay men have encountered, and it raises questions about how to manage both your feelings and the delicate situation at hand.

Whether you’re the hook up or you are the one dipping a toe into the world of same-sex attraction, remember: curiosity can sometimes lead to unexpected realizations—or confirmations.

Having said that, if you’re in a similar situation, here are some things to consider:

First, it’s important to understand that sexual identity can be fluid for many people, especially when they are in the process of self-discovery. When a man who thought he was curious later says he’s straight, it’s not necessarily a reflection of you or your attractiveness. As one Reddit user shared, “I’d feel insulted for like 2 seconds, but then realizing he’s really not into it, I’d want to ask him about how he’s feeling and what made him want to try.” Showing empathy and being open to discussion can be key to diffusing the awkwardness of the moment.

Another user shared a similar experience: “I had a guy do that once. Older guy…he was nervous…we got naked and went down on him. About two minutes into that and he stopped me and just said, ‘Sorry, I can’t do this.’” While the encounter might have left questions, this user chose not to push further, respecting the other man’s feelings.

For many gay men, these interactions can be frustrating or even emotionally draining. Some men may feel undesirable when this happens, wondering what they did wrong. As one user stated, “I suppose I would feel bad for both of us, and I couldn’t help but feel a little undesirable or unsexy, but I’d be totally understanding and not pushy.”

In reality, these situations aren’t about rejection but rather about someone coming to terms with their own identity. In some cases, there may be underlying factors like societal pressure or religious guilt, which can make it even harder for the person to explore their feelings or curiosity in the bedroom.

So, what can you do? If you find yourself in this situation, the best approach is to be respectful and understanding. The other guy is likely feeling confused or conflicted. As another Reddit user humorously put it, “Okay, see ya!” Sometimes, just letting it go is the healthiest way forward. If you feel comfortable, you could explore whether the man wants to talk through their feelings, but always prioritize your own emotional boundaries.

Adam4Adam blog readers—have you ever experienced something similar? What did you do when you encounter a ‘str8 curious’ partner? Share your thoughts and stories in the comments section below!