(Photo Credits: LightField Studios from Shutterstock)
Adam4Adam blog readers, do you want to have children? Why or why not?
The decision to have children is one that many people face, and for gay and bisexual men, the question can come with additional layers of complexity. Somebody asked gay men to share their thoughts online regarding this topic. Some responses were heartfelt, while others revealed that parenthood is far from everyone’s goal.
Asking gay and bisexual men if they want to have children can bring out a wide range of responses, as each person has a unique perspective on parenthood. Adam4Adam readers, where do you stand on the subject? Do you dream of having kids one day, or is fatherhood not for you?
Here’s what some gay and bisexual men online have to say about it.
One popular response reads, “I wanted kids when I was younger. Then I got older and didn’t want kids. Now I want kids for dinner because the little bastards are annoying as hell.” This sentiment sums up the experience for some who may have once entertained the idea of having children but ultimately decided against it. Age and changing priorities can significantly influence a person’s desire to start a family.
For others, the answer is a clear and emphatic “no.” One respondent shared, “Fuck no. I can’t stand kids. I can’t stand their shitty parents who let them scream and do whatever they want. Like fuck off.” It’s not uncommon for some individuals to feel overwhelmed or put off by the behavior of children, especially when they see parents struggling to maintain control.
On the flip side, some men discovered their desire for children later in life. As one gay man shared, “My husband and I only met 5 years ago at the respective ages of 39 and 41. We didn’t want kids when we were younger. But after we met each other, we knew we wanted to raise a child together! We now have a baby boy who’s almost 2 years old! We adopted and we’re so happy.” This heartwarming story highlights how love and partnership can sometimes inspire a newfound desire to raise a family.
Of course, not everyone feels the need to become a parent. Another popular comment simply stated, “No. Didn’t want them before, don’t want them now.” Some people know early on that having children isn’t for them, and that decision remains unchanged over time. And that’s okay too.
Parenthood is a personal choice, and while some gay and bisexual men embrace the idea of raising a child, others are content without that experience. For many, the decision is shaped by their lifestyle, relationships, and individual preferences.
Adam4Adam readers, we want to know: where do you stand on the question of becoming a parent? Have your views on fatherhood changed over time, or have you always been certain about your stance? Let us know if you want kids or if you’re living your best life without them!
I went back and forth on this. When I decided for sure that I wanted a kid, my then husband and I were on too rocky of ground. Once we split in September 2011, I picked up the pieces, and by October 2012, I started looking into single parent adoption, and 35 months later, I was a first time parent in my 40’s. Wouldn’t trade the experience for the world.
HELL NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHY COMPLICATE WHAT IS ALREADY COMPLICATED BY HAVING CHILDREN OR ADOPTING CHILDREN?
Anyone who finds it complicated and scary, just needs to not hookup or get involved with guys who see it as desirable and rewarding.
I WAS COMMENTING ON THE INHERENT COMPLICATIONS OF A GAY RELATIONSHIP AND THE FURTHER COMPLICATIONS A CHILD MIGHT BRING NOT NECESSARILY ON HAVING A CHILD OR ADOPTING A CHILD.
And I was commenting that when guys who want to be Dads connect with other guys who do, they see achievements and rewards in overcoming challenges.
agreed! we both understand each other
This is simple. Pretty straight up actually.
Don’t date guys whose parental plans, or not plans, don’t line up with yours. Meaning, before deciding to date you need to have talked about your futures.
It only becomes an issue if you don’t communicate in advance or don’t navigate the field intelligently.
Perfectly said – thank you!
This is clearly a preference to expand your family. If a person wants a child and has the emotional, financial, and spiritual bandwidth to have children, then go for it. If you don’t want them, don’t have them. But I don’t get why some people have such an aversion to children as if they are some kind of monster. Most kids are actually pretty pleasant and innocent people who only need their family’s love and support to become good, productive adults in society. If someone wants to do that, good for them. That is also good if a person doesn’t… Read more »
Dealbreaker. No interest in having kids.
As long as you don’t get involved with guys who want to be Dads, there’s no deal to break. Move on early.
Just as you would if you weren’t compatible from Top/Bottom or Kiss/No Kiss, Rim/No Rim, Suck Swallow/No Suck Swallow, political beliefs, etc..
Parent/No Parent is not different than any of the other factors Gay guys choose to separate themselves for other Gay guys over.
I have two of my own, one of each. Both were “accidental” as it were. Both raised by myself and the women I impregnated. They are well into adulthood, well adjusted, successful and have their own children now. I didn’t intend to have kids when they came along but it happened and I wouldn’t trade them for anything. I never let on I liked guys and their dicks until I decided to go totally gay close to mid life. I told the kids about it as adults and they dont seem to have a problem with it. I’m damn glad… Read more »
Superb answer! Any to all of the above points can easily be involved in having, raising, and being responsible for a child. Personally, from a young age I expected I would have a child one day. However, I also distinctly remember making a promise to myself when I was age seven that I would NOT have a child until I had certain conditions met. I have kept that promise, as unfortunately, things beyond my personal control got in the way. Secondarily, something I never anticipated happening, has been the terrible glut of child pollution in the world: in less than… Read more »
I have been bisexual all my life .I struggled with accepting that fact almost as long . I have had relationships with both men and women . When I told my first wife she was less than supportive but eventually she accepted the fact that because I was bi did not mean I was going to cheat on her . But we eventually grew apart my second wife was very accepting and even excited due to the fact so we she she really has the biggest part of me accepting and learning to love myself we have 3 girls and… Read more »
Hell no! I have relatives with children who keep visiting and bringing their snot-nosed, disease-infested brats over. Schools are nothing more than a cold and flu swapping factory. In addition, they are spoiled, undisciplined, self-absorbed brats.
Blame your shitty relatives for not making them behave.
My ex-wife began descending into schizophrenia shortly after my son was born in ’86. Fortunately,, she filed for divorce that year. Within a year of my divorce, I met the first male I’d ever touched in life. I was thirty-four. It took three more court cases for me to finally win full custody of our two Preciouses (don’t ask how my daughter came to be [during five minutes of the worst sex in my life…]). Raising them alone have been the absolute best decades of my life. They’re 38 and 32, very well educated, very gainfully employed, and very financially… Read more »
I am married to a woman and have kids, I’m a closet bottom bi/gay black man with three teenage boys that looks up to their alpha/dominant dad,, although I’ve excepted the fact that I’m bi/gay, I would never open up to them about my sexuality,, most of their buddies come around and seek advice from me cause either their fathers not around or he not the father that I am to my boys, they look at me as their hero, and of one of them turns out to be gay surely I will understand, but I much rather stay in… Read more »
I don’t remember a time when I didn’t want a houseful of kids. Unfortunately, my self-absorbed ex wasn’t parent material. I’m 60 now, so I definitely missed out. Probably my greatest regret.
I’m at a crossroads:
I personally don’t want kids as I still consider myself a kid. However, I’m the last male to carry on the family name.