(Photo Credits: Andrey_Popov from Shutterstock)
Whenever we’re in love, we are on cloud nine, so much so that we don’t notice even when the other guy is a walking red flag.
Before anything else, what is a relationship red flag?
According to this article, a relationship red flag is defined as “a repeated toxic behavior that is often a warning sign of much bigger problems to come within the relationship.”
Which brings us to the matter at hand. While entering a new relationship can be exhilarating, but it’s crucial to keep an eye out for potential red flags that could indicate trouble down the road. Recognizing and addressing these warning signs early on can contribute to healthier and more fulfilling connections.
When asked what they think are relationship red flags, below are what some gay men had to say on the issue, and we quote:
- Lack of empathy. Low emotional intelligence. Inability to admit mistakes. Poor communication skills.
- Alcohol/drug abuse
- They can’t be platonic friends with other gay men.
- forbidding any kind of friendships
- Love bombing, quick attachment, avoids meeting or making solid plans, doesn’t ask any questions about you, matches on whatever app and won’t message first… the list goes on. I find in dating you have to learn to read people fast. Maybe that’s my red flag
- An obsession with an aesthetic of a relationship rather than finding out if we’re compatible. Example: Masc 4 masc or fem equals bottom or “woman in the relationship”
- Extra focus on superficial things (parties, income, status) with minimal to no interest in growth, real life, community outside of the queer spaces
- If all their friends look the same
- If they exhibit any forms of shame (body, hair, age, sex etc)
- They lift themselves up by dragging others down
- Drama follows them or they’re messy
- Transphobia or bi-erasure
Do you agree with this list, guys? What would you add to the ones mentioned above?
One prevalent red flag is a lack of communication. Effective communication is the foundation of any successful relationship, and when partners struggle to express their thoughts or feelings, misunderstandings can fester. If conversations become consistently difficult, or if there’s an unwillingness to address issues, it may be a signal that the relationship lacks a crucial element for long-term success.
Another warning sign is a noticeable lack of trust. Trust forms the bedrock of a strong relationship, and when it’s compromised, issues often follow. Constant jealousy, unfounded accusations, or secretive behavior can indicate deeper trust issues that need addressing. Building trust takes time and effort, but a relationship without it can be fraught with tension and uncertainty.
Incompatible values or goals can also be red flags. While differences can enhance a relationship, fundamental misalignments in areas like life goals, family plans, or core values can lead to significant challenges. It’s crucial to have open discussions about these aspects to ensure both partners are on the same page.
You may also want to watch out for signs of controlling behavior. Healthy relationships thrive on mutual respect and autonomy. If one partner consistently tries to control the other’s actions, decisions, or social interactions, it’s a red flag that could lead to an unhealthy power dynamic.
Lastly, pay attention to patterns of disrespect or manipulation. Any form of emotional, verbal, or physical abuse is a severe red flag that should never be ignored. Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, kindness, and empathy.
While red flags can be concerning, addressing them head-on with open and honest communication can pave the way for growth and understanding. Recognizing these warning signs early on allows individuals to make informed decisions about the future of the relationship and prioritize their well-being.
Having said all that, have you ever been in an abusive relationship, guys? How did you escape from that relationship? Share with us your thoughts and stories in the comments section below.
When all is read…
understand –
the concept of “Baggage”.
“Baggage” is the “Unknown”.
“Caveat Emptor”!
Everyone has baggage. A good relationship is where you can carry each other’s baggage.
How Trite, Padre!
Actually, it is really how well each carries his luggage fist;
Once that is accomplished –
then
each and both can help carry the other’s baggage!
Would it please my fellow brethren if I altered “Caveat Emptor”
to
“Caveat Homo”?
“Caveat Hominis“?
As usual, Kasper is not without correcting himself –
when necessary!
Kasper’s advice is always on point.
Caveat Hominis (roughly) means “Be warned about men”.
Yes, men, in general, suck. I stick to those who either don’t suck … or do it very very well.
Hunter0500:
A MULTITUDE OF HUGS AND KISSES!
However,
Hunter0500, there is an “Upside” to engaging in a relationship and sex
with males:
“Boys Are Toys”;
“They Will Get You Off”!
“Girls Are Weapons”;
“They Will Get You Into Court”!
Which is more preferable?
Looking at this exhaustive list, between the perpetrators of its heinous acts and just about every guy being “guilty” of one item on the list, it’s no surprise so many Gay guys complain and whine they just can’t find a good guy.
Hunter0500:
What is delineated within this Blog is the “Human Condition”.
This “Human Condition” is neither right nor wrong; It is indigenous to the Species. Society designs
such “Rules-Of-Conduct” and forces “Conscription”.
Thus, it is the society’s members who must “Conscribe” or be relegated as
“Undesirables”.
Society –
evolves and so does its rules of accountabilities.
Thus, the “Human Species” is always forced to play “Catchup”. When you are a
part of something,
you are susceptible to the “Slings & Arrows” of its “Archers”.
No one wins; no one loses!
Who selects stock photos for the site? Really, the pain in this photo would never have come from the “SUBTLE” in the topic’s title.
(Photo Credits: Andrey_Popov from Shutterstock)
So Andrey owns the photo as was cited. The question is “who selects photos?” This one is, once again, not in context with an article’s topic.
I’m just curious as to what’s wrong with that stock picture? You’re saying it’s not in context with the article topic? Please explain…As an African American, I get pissed if I don’t see African American people in stock pictures on here.
You are aware that “You Can’t Always Get What You Want?”
Of course!!! But I can freely voice my opinion, complain, protest, disagree, etc.
Of course!
As do I!
First of all. They say You should not go grocery shopping, when Your hungry. It works the say way in meeting someone in the begging of a relationship. Myself, I like a nice Guy. LOOKS, BODY,ATTITUDE,SEXINESS and .SEXUAL POWERS are all nice. They are turn ons, BEING A NICE GUY is GREAT!!
Choosing solely on looks is the problem. And “performance” in bed. A relationship has to be something deeper and stronger.
Padre:
Each and both (Looks & Performance) are “Bedrocks” of any sexual relationship…
be it –
straight or gay.
I’ve been married to my multi-millionaire husband for 30 years (10 legally) and we still have great fucks 3-4 times a week! I married him for his great ass, not the money.
SURE JAN…………………………
Today for lunch he made me fresh cracked crab (all shelled) with garlic noodles and strawberry short cake he made fresh this morning….There is no husband on this planet better than mine.
Get shovel, shit is getting deep.
Just watch out for the narcissists, it’s one thing to be shallow, but that, no. Drinking-drugging (partying) has always been a thing with us gay people, it shouldn’t be a crutch, that is where the problem is.
“Do you agree with this list, guys?”
No, a lot of dumb stuff there. “Masc 4 masc”, for example, isn’t an “aesthetic”. And I suspect by “transphobia”, you mean not being attracted to trans folks.
You required to be “Politically Correct” at all times!
24/7
12 months/year;
52 weeks/year;
365 days/year;
From Birth to Death!
No. They mean either 1) denying that they exist, 2) thinking that they shouldn’t be allowed equal rights, or 3) shouldn’t have access to affirming healthcare. But good job on quietly calling yourself out there in front of everyone.
Nonsense. No one is going to say that stuff in a profile, but they might say “not interested in trans men”. It’s quite common on the political left to equate “not attracted to” to “bigoted”. Looks like you’re one of those.
lol, “on the political left.” I have no idea why you’re inserting politics where they don’t belong. I love Trumpers. They’re the smartest! “Looks like you’re one of those.”
They have equal rights under law. Law is created in the nature of our constitution and by democratically elected legislatures which are limited by the constitution. You should be glad of those facts as, if it were left up to democracy alone with no constitutional limits, the gay/trans/bi genes would have been eradicated long ago.Try not to confuse law with the right of people to associate with or like/dislike whomever they want. If you don’t like our form of government and the laws various legislatures enact then perhaps you should try moving to some other country you might find more… Read more »
Your understanding of biology is abysmally poor, but thanks for the lecture in how the law works, Seymour.
Agreed. And what the heck is “bi-erasure”? Some of us think with emotion and others think with logic. To me, logic is best. That’s not to say emotion is bad but I find that minimizing it’s affect on decisions is a better way to come to viable conclusions. Lots of emotional thinking seems to go on in the gay world.
That said, there are some reasonable pointers there on red flags.
OBVIOUS RED FLAGS FOR ME: 1) HOW THEY TREAT WAITERS AND SERVICE PEOPLE (PLEASE, THANK YOU, ETC.) . 2) SHOWING UP AND BEING ON TIME. 3) ANSWERING TEXTS AND VOICEMAILS QUICKLY. 4) DOING WHAT THEY SAY THEY WILL DO – THEIR PERSONAL INTEGRITY. 5) WANDERING EYES – CHECKING OUT ANYTHING IN PANTS WHEN OUT TOGETHER IN PUBLIC….INSTEAD OF PAYING ATTENTION TO ME/US IN OUR CONVERSATIONS. 6) CONSTANTLY COMPLAINING ABOUT THEIR EX’S 7) TAKING NO RESPONSIBILITY WHATSOEVER FOR ANYTHING THEY DO, AND BLAMING EVERYONE/ANYONE ELSE – THE TRUMP COMPLEX. 8) GROSS PERSONAL HYGIENE….
9) Turning off ALL CAPS tab just to make the point(s) without ‘online yellin’…. 😛
Don’t forget the biggest red flag of all: WRITING IN ALL CAPS.
I definitely get tired of making the first move. A lot of claim to be shy but I actually feel like they’re prideful. Too much ego
Few can have more ego than me. But then I’ve plowed celebrities (married ones with wives and kids) Porn Stars and dozens of San Francisco escorts ( the ones that advertise as tops, love to take my dick raw, they chase me). I told my now 30 years going on husband (who has a Ph.D), he had to be my dog, before he could be my boyfriend. 30 years later we are still madly in love….
Get a shovel, shit is getting deep and man does it smell
This is nothing but a political indoctrination piece… Trans have *removed* themselves from normal homosexual circulation, and are obsessed with crying about men not being interested in freakish behavior and disgusting body modification. A homosexual man wants a *man,* not a facsimile of one or one who has made himself look unappealing (or downright disgusting). Get over the political agenda, and stop insisting that everyone be delusional.
I’ve plowed many thousands of men, so have ran in to all types (Andrew Cunanan was one), But the most bizarre was meeting Adolfo de Jesus Constanzo in Los Angeles in 1988. He was just weird so I excused myself and he said “It was an honor you talked with me”. Anyway the next year when his picture was all over the news it was a shock.
I haven’t had a long term relationship in 26 years. I suspect that would be a major red flag for anyone looking for long term relationship. Thoughts on that?
Most of the Gay guys I know aren’t looking for long-term. Have had several FWBs for over a decade; none of us want that. I know two couples who have been coupled for years, but they are open it comes to sex, having it with each other but other guys as well.
The couple of guys I know (Straight and Gay) who said they like long-term say they never found a person when they actively sought one. It was only when they stopped “interviewing” and relaxed that they found someone who they clicked with.
Long term for some is greater than the 90 minutes necessary to meet, get to your place, get naked, get it on, get dressed, and get gone. Just ships that pass in the night and scrape hulls.
Strangely enough, it does seem like a red flag for many men, monogamy; just being decent seems like a red flag to too many, it’s crazy and upside down, really.
“Emotionally unavailable” another point, I would never bother, I don’t even want friends like that either, really.
Monogamy is not “decent’. It’s just boring, controlling and limiting. I would never get in a relationship with such a psychopath.
Monogamy is what two people who wish it should be able to have.
If someone doesn’t want it, they should shut the fuck up and move along with their life..
Of course you wouldn’t. After all, it’s all about you and what you want.
In a word “NACISSISTIC”, exactly, just what I was saying.
I’ve LOVED, ENJOYED, LOOK FOWARD TO; pretty much 100% guaranteed SAFE, no, not just good sex, but GOOD OLD-FASHIONED LOVEMAKING. . . because we were actually, in love.
I NEVER relied on those who are unreliable, those of unknown HIV status, and they don’t even give a flying fuck either, let alone passing it to me.
Clyde, I’ll take boring any fuckin’ day, thanks!!!
When speaking of himself uses the term “we”. Disappears for days on end. Won’t introduce you to his friends. Little interest in meeting yours. Always low on cash. Shoplifts / five finger discount. Crashes events to get a free meal. Often states: “If it’s not fun, we’re done”. Treats waitstaff like serfs. Hogs the remote and it’s YOUR TV. He thinks splitting the bill is 20/80. Social butterfly when at bars. His idea of an opening is your wallet/checkbook. Forgets your birthday/plans/important dates.
And –
will marry you for the eventualities –
of your greater Social Security Benefit;
Retirement Fund(s);
Deed to your house upon your death;
Furnishings, Paintings; Cars; Jewelry –
and
even the eventuality of being buried within your family’s burial plot!
But see, if good communication skills are valued why is it that communication is becoming so limited on “the apps”? IE preventing end user arrival, word flagging that triggers ai chat bots, and worst of all chat loss.
This is a really good topic and most that are listed are really good red flags to look out for. However most in the gay community tend to fail or are doomed from the start due because of these six: a. Extra focus on superficial things (parties, income, status) with minimal to no interest in growth, real life, community outside of the queer spaces b. All their friends look the same(superficial garbage) c. They exhibit any forms of shame (body, hair, age, sex etc, basically more superficial crap!) d. They lift themselves up by dragging others down(drama and insecurity alert!)… Read more »
These are all good red flags.
I definitely watch for red flags from the start. Since my last relationship (that ended in 2015 and had lasted for almost 6 years) when I sat down and thought about the relationship I realized that all the signs were there. Everything wrong was right there in my face and I ignored it because I was “in love.”
Never again.