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Hey, guys! A gay man posed this question online which I know many will find interesting, he asked: “How many of you guys actually want to get married? I feel like I don’t really know anyone who aspires to be a husband. Is it really uncommon?”
Do you agree with him? Is marriage among gay men truly rare?
A respondent confessed, “It’s a dream of mine. To know you have a partner to face life with.” His comment was met with a response that read, “Just curious how you equate this with marriage Vs say a long term committed relationship?” The man simply explained, “Personally I don’t think marriage is necessary to achieve this.”
On the other hand, one gay man who isn’t averse to marriage said, “I am down to marry but I am skipping on a wedding ceremony. I am not spending money on guests when I can use it as a long-time honeymoon.”
Meanwhile, a man who’s been there shared, “I swore I’d never state vows with anyone again. I was with my ex for 16 years. We were together long before marriage was legal for us. We chose to have a ceremony anyway. Fast forward 16 years and he started cheating and destroyed me financially. I swore, ‘never again.’ He added, “It took another 15 years but I’ve now met who is a far better person, man and partner. I very much hope to marry him some day. Old wounds heal with love.”
Another man replied to this particular post, and said, “This absolutely terrifies me. I’m monogamous and dream of having a long-term relationship, but I fear having the man I love change into a scumbag of a human and start cheating or abusing me when we’re already 10+ years in.” You can read the entire thread here.
Having said all that, are you the marrying kind? Why or why not? Share with us your thoughts and stories in the comments section below!
I have been with my husband for 32 years. We’ve been married for the past 9 years. We didn’t have a ceremony. It wasn’t about the wedding. It didn’t change anything about our relationship except now we have legal rights. Like hospital visits (should that happen), tax breaks, etc.
But, just like with straight marriages, gay marriages aren’t for everyone.
You actually had legal rights to make a written declaration as to who visited you in a hospital, medical directives, powers of attorney, etc. before marriage, didn’t you? Riddle me this – why should childless couples who are married get any tax breaks which were designed to offset the costs of child rearing? In fact, why should tax breaks exist at all? Why do I, a single guy, have to subsidize through higher taxes those who decide to marry and especially those who no child will be born of it? So much for equal treatment under the law, huh?
Not sure what tax break you are looking at. There is nothing but a marriage penalty. An individual tax payer with a 579,000 income is in the top tax bracket of 37%. If you are married, that same tax bracket applies when you have only 694,000 combined (347,000 each). No break, just penalty. Same type of penalty for Roth phaseouts etc.
Marriage is easy to get into and hard and expensive to get out of. Been there, done that with 2 women. I’ve had great long term relationships with men twice without being married. When they fell apart no lawyers, judges, or screwed up state laws got in the way of ending them and going our separate ways. Anything marriage can do can also be done without a marriage with alot less cost and pain in the ass except collecting surviving spouse social security or pensions.
yes, marriage is costly, hell even the wedding itself is costly .. if the wedding you just had was expensive, obviously the marriage will add more $$$ to it! “mo money, mo problems”, honey!
The truth is, No one knows what’s in the cards for them. I know that most days I’m happier being single and truthfully, in many ways being single is the happiest I’ve ever been in my entire life. Some of the unhappiest moments in my life on Earth have been spent in unhealthy and/or failing relationships, and I know I don’t ever want to feel that way again. For my single Adam guys out there who struggle with family and friends asking are going to get married my answer is this. there’s nothing wrong with never getting married. It’s perfectly… Read more »
i’m so happy being single too, in fact, i’m totally blessed! like Cameo once sang, “i’m livin the single, single, SINGLE .. LIFE!” .. and i too struggle with uncle this and auntie that, grandma asking bullshitty questions about marriage, it ain’t your life, honey, it’s mine! why you fucking care? just gossip all you want if that is what makes ya happy! and if that shit hits yo face, ain’t my fault in the first place!
It is just becoming part of the circus?
Hell no. The thought of being stuck to one person permanently is abhorrent. The idea of sharing my home with anyone gives me the heebie jeebies. Getting unconscious in the same bed with someone, snoring and bedfarting? Ugh. Disgusting. Sex buds who share activities and friendships and then go home after the action? You bet. There are many of us who have no interest in raising brats or tending to pets. Pets, another filthy cash bleed. I cherish my solitude and I have had a lot of fun. Now that I am older I have no regrets and feel no… Read more »
exactly, to be stuck to one person is like ball and chain! and indeed, raising brats who will prolly end up asking for a hefty inheritance anyways, hence you be working for them and not you, waste of time, honey!
It is the end result of propagation, replenishment and multiplication.
Bitter, table for one…
Solitude is great! Not bitter, just prefer to be alone. I bet you want a partner so he can take care of you when you are ill, or give you money when you fall on hard times. Selfish and shameful.
I love my pets — anything else on that list – nope.
i see my parents argue for so long, mother suffering over father’s adultering it’s pathetic .. the institute of marriage is bullshit, honey! two people don’t really need to bind themselves up with a piece of paper, no fancy dancy ceremony, no 10-tier wedding cake bound to topple over, nor do they ever need 10,000 guests showin up who really never liked the couple in the first place! what is the fucking point of it all? and don’t get me started on that “open relationship” thang either! if you gonna open yourselves to others, then why bother committing in the… Read more »
How time has change I had a partner of 42 years everyday he would say I love you Everyday I would say Me too we got marries 9 years ago after that everytime we met someone he would say I want you to meet my Husband Bill He took sick in May of congestive heart failure I took him to the Cleveland Clinic where he was operated on and told he would be a new man by September We were home 5 days and he took sick again Right back in the hospital again right back at it again telling… Read more »
I have several married friends…they are on the “3 year plan”…at that point…renew or split…no questions, explanations etc necessary. There is a lot to consider in any marriage. At my age, I don’t know that I care one way or the other….it depend wholly on the best interests of my husband. (only because I like guys significantly younger…the odds are in his favor to survive me LOL)
Sensible and realistic.
Gay guys are too often footloose and fancy-free, hoping upon hopes that everything will “gee gosh golly just work out for my best!” As they say, “if you fail to plan, you plan to fail.” Your married friends are planning to be successful, and if not they’ll end in a decent place with each other. That second part is a plan in itself. They can remain on good terms, even if they need to move on.
There are guys who want only hookups, often only once with a particular guy, but sometimes repeated now and then. There are guys who foster Friends with Benefits relationships with an ongoing, but sometimes changing, group of guys over years. There are guys who connect with one guy in an intensely emotional, psychological, and spiritual level, their Top Dog, so to speak. These guys find sex as recreational, something to be shared with other guys. They may play alone with other guys, or with them and the Top Dog as the two of them agree to. The two may, or… Read more »
I love the idea; however, the realities of life gets in the way. For that reason, I love the idea of a lover, do we live together, no! Personally, I love the idea of swapping who’s place we play at. But to be clear, I will not hunt for another piece ass or whatever, every time the mood strikes, which is still quite often. Not being shallow enough to get caught up in the “chasing another nobody-just another body) hook up scene; there are too many undesirables! I love getting use to that someone else; above all the rest, I… Read more »
No. Never. I am not going to be fleeced for money after some guy thinks he’s done and wants to chase something younger or whatever only to find out that younger guy was after money, drugs, etc.
Those who want to – have at it.