(Photo Credits: Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels)
Finding the one is already difficult as it is, there are things like personal and societal expectations, and even unrealistic expectations, add dating online to the mix and it becomes harder.
Because it’s online, and unfortunately, some online daters do lie, or they tend to misrepresent, deceive, or give false impressions of themselves. According to a study, some online daters lie about their age, location, availability, relationship status, body/figure, financial status, and even their entire identity. As to why they lie, others find it fun, it could also be that they do it in order to scam you, or they want to hide some insecurities. Read the article in full here.
The good news is, there is such a thing as “dating red flags” that you can look out for in order to make your online dating less challenging. Take a look at our list below, some of which we learned through personal experience, some we got through an online thread.
- People asking for money, your bank or credit card accounts, gaming cards, etc.
If someone asks for money or your bank account, it’s a scam. You’ll never see that money again, so don’t ever, ever give them some. Don’t give them your personal information like your bank or credit card accounts either. There may be some asking for your phone numbers or email account as well. There’s a reason why we created the Video and Audio Calls, and it is to make the A4A community safer for you. This means that if you use the feature, you don’t have to give them any of your private information like your phone number and your email address, you guys only need to talk within A4A. Read more about this particular feature here. If you wish to know more about how you can better protect yourself online, click here.
- They don’t have a profile picture or they refuse to send you a picture of themselves.
This is somewhat related to the first one mentioned above. When you receive a picture of them, or when you get to talk to them through our Video and Audio Calls, you get proof of who you are talking with and it ensures that our beloved users here on A4A are real and authentic.
- Party with Tina.
It means they want to have sex with you under the influence of crystal meth.
- They continue to talk or bash their ex.
If they talk about their ex nonstop, then they simply aren’t over the guy yet, and they aren’t ready for a new relationship.
- They talk about no one else but “me, myself, and I.”
Unfortunately, when a person talks about themselves all the time, or they “constantly turn the conversation toward themselves,” then they are “generally uninterested in what other people have to say.” Read more about it here.
Having said that, please feel free to add some red flags that you can think of in the comments section below.
Pretty much everyone gets a red flag, until they prove their merit. The more romantic and passionate they are, the more likely they are catphishing or scamming, particularly when they are far away. Never using the word I is a tip-off, starting sentences with “am.” Using uncommon language, like calling you “dear” is another clue. And if they look too good to be true, they usually are. Over 90% of my approaches are in this category. Half of the rest want to talk dirty while they jerk off, and will never meet you. In other words, it’s like going to… Read more »
First & Foremost… seeing a relationship – online – is a “Red Flag” unto itself. Instead, go out into the world to meet – face-to-face – and pick up on whatever vibes noted. Courting a future relationship – online – is an “Oxymoron.” I understand “Convenience” but seeking a relationship should never be convenient. Seeking sex might make more sense but it, too, renders mishaps and follies. “Gut-feelings” are innate and therefore, a part of us all, go-with-the-flow, go to where the “Boys” are and engage. It may – initially – be inconvenience but, at least, whatever the inconvenience(s) may… Read more »
Dating. The whole “heterosexual find the Prince for the white picket fence happily ever after” thing. Blog after blog after blog after blog topic here that’s not what members say they are looking for. Yes there are those who wish that. Good for them and good wishes that they find each other. It can and does happen! But when we look at the bulk of everyone else who chime in on this site, it’s either hookups or friends with benefits or single. When will the A4A staff begin to address the kinds of topics all these others would be concerned… Read more »
You do realize that’s not the reason for the site in the first place, right. It was meant initially for gay men to connect with other gay men in a world of homophobic neanderthals. Now if they mostly address topics that those not seeking a relationship would want to read,(which in my opinion, the constant flow of different topics is on par with being fair), would the blogs be read? Obviously you took the time to read this article and be upset about it, even though it apparently may or may not pertain to you. For some people this is… Read more »
A red flag for me is when a guy profile states that he’s 60 years old and post old pictures of himself looking like a 40 year old.
“Kitten fishing” like catfishing except the person uses outdated pictures of themselves. Though I still agree with you on seeing it as a red flag.
The article hit most of the major points, but another *major* red flag is profile pictures clearly taken of someone below the age of 18. A lot of internet porn appears this way, much of it from exploited minors in Eastern Europe, some of whom were photographed in the late ’80s and ’90s, and are much older now, if even still alive. English proficiency is another tipoff; although there are idiots who grew up speaking the terrible English they use daily, most of the fake accounts are very clearly not native speakers. It isn’t just that they cannot communicate in… Read more »
Well thia goes for any site, but a major red flag here on a4a is when I get emails from guys who are in another state…That is not to say that there aren’t those random guys who genuinely who want to give a shout- out after checking out your profile; I am talking about guys who live hundred of miles of way, have no plans of coming to the city where you live and right off the bat they start talking about finding their soul mate. That’s just BS…I called out this guy who hit me up from Chicago last… Read more »
Not to mention all the Russians who send smiles! Or others who write some whole “story” of searching for love, then ask for your email address. What’s that all about? Then there are the ones on a4a who seem legit in an initial message, so then you respond with a “sounds good, what are you into”-type of response, then they never respond or even open your message. What’s up with that? And a last one: Why do I (in the NY area) get these periodic messages from guys in Cheney, KS? Anyone else?
As of the 2020 census, the population of Cheney KS was 2,181. By the number of profiles on adam I have to think 60%+ of the population is gay! … AND in the “military”
The “smiley face” emojis gets an immediate block, as you stated they are not lookin for anything but a green card relationship.
Not in my experience. Local guys often send the smile to see if there is an interest in a conversation: same in all the gay sites. And, at least half the time it ends up generating a worthwhile exchange to find out good fit/sane or not.
Along with this are guys who list their location as Cheney, KS or Kern County, CA. I don’t know how so many are from these two locations, and a few more, but they always turn out to be scammers. And if someone asks for your name and phone number within the first few lines of chatting, they’re fishing for the info they need to get to your oibe accounts. My hard and fast rule is, no phone number until we meet face to face.
What is the deal with all the fakes from Cheney KS and Kern County CA? Why those spots? And why do the fakes chose that when it’s a signal it’s fake?
Stephen – as you can see above, you’re not alone with these (whoever they are’s) contacting us from Cheney, KS. Very odd. I haven’t gotten anything from Kern County though – probably will soon! Must all be phishing, as Eric pointed out above.
Reading these comments impresses on me what a charmed life I’ve led. I’ve never had these kinds of problems. The only issues presented to me in online hook ups is, thousands of men who want me to plow them silly and I have an incredible husband with a PhD and he’s hot and we have great sex 3-4 times a week now for 28 years and counting. Sodomy has been very, very good to me…
Red flag for me when relationship section left blank. Your single, married, open relationship, put something if your looking for love.
Art – I can tell you exactly why I leave the relationship section blank (but fill in all the other sections quite completely). I’m bi-married-closeted, but a good fuck in bed and that’s what I’m on this site seeking. Some guys won’t go near married guys seeking dick, so I removed that long ago.
I’d like to hear from your husband. One wonders if he feels as lucky as you do.
” thousands of men who want me to plow them silly and I have an incredible husband with a PhD and he’s hot and we have great sex 3-4 times a week now for 28 years and counting.”
Sounds like a red flag to me.
Oh, God, I just throw all of my cards on the table so to speak, good and bad, take it or leave it, I’ll do likewise, hoping there’s someone just as crazy fucking honest and brave enough like myself, to be seriously, wanting for someone real. Someone who actually wants to talk on here or whatever site we’re on, then after we’ve had a sufficient enough conversation on the dating site, because I really do not exchange emails. Only then exchange digits, talking on the phone as a closer inspection for both parties, lastly, set a date to actually meet… Read more »
My profile is clear about who I am and what I’m seeking. I’m hit up several times each week by guys who are for sure not anywhere near a snowball’s chance in hell match based on what I have in my profile and what they have in theirs. I routinely ignore them and delete their message. Yesterday, I took an experimental flier and replied to a guy “you must have read in my profile how totally turned on I am by guys who don’t read profiles.” His response was “are you going to open your pics?” So routinely, red flags… Read more »
What you espoused is part & parcel of a free, sex site. Also, an abundance of app users who are disconnected to this site and unto the world itself.
They are no more interested in you – as a person; they are only interested in you – as a body. See them for who they are and understand what they want.
A free sex site invites those who are too smart to go on a pay site for what they will never get – whether free or pay.
Always remember: Ugly online = Uglier offline!
The “smiley face” emojis, and anyone out of my specified area get ignored and the Russians get blocked.
One major Red Flag that most seem to brush off or try to justify is Lying. I’m one for being 100% honest and if a person is going to start off with not being truthful, in any way, then I don’t want anything to do with them. Period. Online social media platforms have made it easy for a person to be/act as somebody that they are not and that can be frustrating for the person who is looking for an actual honest connection.
A friend is starting to see a man, who when they are done with thier date or whatever my friend’s “friend” immediately get on sniffies, grindr, A4A, etc. That is a major red flag.
I other words, good luck with the .0002% of the guy online who don’t meet at least one of the above.
Only can meet at your place.
There is something very wrong if an adult man cannot have sex in his own home.
As a closeted D/L. Bl man, my profile is extremely clear that l don’t share any pics with a total stranger. So for me, asking me straight up in your initial opener for a pic just confirms your either too stupid to read or you are a scam artist.
Either way any chance of us meeting up evaporates with your demand for a pic in the first paragraph.
It has been my experience and that of close friends, the longer one talks to a guy, the more you learn he is not the one for you. Despite there being a high initial interest. You may learn with rapidly appearing red flags, it’s time to set out the orange traffic cones and move on. Add to the above list: 1) only available to meet at cetrain days/time which have nothing to do with a work schedule, 2) needing a place to crash for a few days, and 3) start using “terms of endearment” even before meeting.
The big one is I am in the military, or I am over seas, five minutes into the conversation they call you babe or baby. I love you, I am like bitch you don’t even know me. My personal favorite is when you call them out they get all insulated like you’re the one being the asshole! I had one guy just totally rip off someone’s life from Instagram, and swore that’s who they were, and spoke broken English, and the real guy spoke perfect English when I pointed that out he still vehemently insisted he was indeed that guy.… Read more »
Unfortunately, folks DO fall for the bullshit
A new crazy trend is when a guy from out of state with a very weak empty profile hits me up and says “I just added you as a Favorite!” I just delete their post.