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Would you date a guy with kids?
For some people, the answer is an easy yes. Others, however, see it as a challenge they aren’t ready to take on. One gay man recently shared online that he often notices interest fade after mentioning he’s a single father. How would you respond if someone you really liked told you they had children? Is having children a dealbreaker, or does it simply mean finding someone who’s looking for the same kind of relationship? OP added:
“I’m a 26-year-old single parent with a young child. I’m not into the hook-up scene. I know dating is hard anyways. But do guys see that as a turn-off? Seems like when I mention that I’m a single father, guys seem to lose interest.”
Some commenters had success stories that offered encouragement to OP, like this one guy who shared, “I did – and like you, he has one kid. I married him.” While others said the children’s age would make a difference. “Only if his kids are already independent adults; otherwise, no.”
In addition, several commenters explained that parenthood simply isn’t compatible with the lifestyle they want. “No, never.” He explained, “One of the greatest parts of my life is never having to worry about kids ever under any circumstances.”
Conversely, other gay men saw fatherhood as a positive quality. “It depends on the type of father the man is to his kids. If you’re an active part of their life and show up for them, it’s a yes. If you are looking for someone to take care of your kids while you slack off or treat them like a nuisance, then no.
For me personally, I’ve always wanted kids. Being a potential stepdad would kinda fill that hunger for family for me. That and I find good dads sexy and endearing.”
On the other hand, some guys acknowledged that dating a parent isn’t impossible, but they worried about finding enough time to build a relationship. “I’m not saying I wouldn’t ever. But the thing is, I’ve tried to meet a guy once who had two kids, and we could never meet. Your life revolves around the kid, as it should. But then that means time for us is borderline nonexistent, so it’s a challenging arrangement.”
Further, older commenters also reminded the original poster that not everyone rules out dating someone with children. “Ya, I’m an older gay guy with older kids. I’d date a guy with kids. Don’t give up. Not all gay guys are anti-kids.”
Meanwhile, one of the more debated responses focused on personal dating preferences. One gay man commented, “Respectfully, I would never, since you hit two of my biggest non-negotiables: parent and history of sex with women.”
The original poster replied: “The ‘history of sex with women’ is the most ridiculous theme on here.”
The commenter later explained: “Because it’s almost always an indicator of baggage. Baby mama drama, cheating, kids, custody battles, step-parenting are all possibilities that enter the room when you pair up with a man who sleeps with or has slept with women. You don’t have to understand it because it’s not for you. It’s a screening mechanism I have made for myself.”
Having said all that, the responses show there isn’t a single answer. Some gay men are looking for a partner to build a family with, while others prefer a life without children. Neither approach is right or wrong—they simply reflect different priorities and relationship goals. Finding someone whose expectations align with yours may matter more than whether children are part of the picture.
What about you, Adam4Adam blog readers? Would you date a guy with kids? Does the age of the children make a difference? Have you ever dated a single father, or are you one yourself? What challenges or rewards did you experience, and what advice would you give a single father out there in the gay dating scene? Share your thoughts and stories with us in the comments section below!
“Some gay men are looking for a partner to build a family with, while others prefer a life without children.”
People, regardless of their sexuality are, or are not, looking to have children. Once two people who are seeking a long term relationship find a connection, being parents or not should become part of that discussion. If that topic doesn’t get on the table within several months, they’re not communicating.
I don’t know if this is any relavence. Anyway here it goings, I went to school with a dude (his name was “Kenny”) who was seen as one of the school “hotties” starting in middle school. He was cute and nice looking, top student, athletic(hit all sports with a body to prove it),he was one of those boys who could have any girl in the school (He had several girl friends since middle school). Fast forward some years later at a reunion his younger brother(“Tony”who I graduated with) told us that his brother had been married for a while and… Read more »
is it a deal breaker for me ,??? NO not if the children are well behaved and respectful of others. if the kids are unruly un disciplined and just have no respect for other people or their things then hell NO if ya can’t make ya kids mind or be respectful no i would never date someone like that
I dislike headlines with silly lead-ins. Having kids in ANY dating situation (gay, straight, bi, poly) is a deal-breaker if you haven’t had that discussion as the dating progressed. You have that discussion long before you decide he’s future husband material.
Likely a better topic is: Would you date a man who has kids?
Agreed on the dislike of silly headlines where there’s a clear attempt to split readers into Pro or Con, Black or White, Either or Or, Us or Them groups. Where you have to think one way or an only one other way. The situation worsens when being Gay somehow should control the answer, as in the recent ad suggesting that Penis Pumps somehow were different for Gay men than for anyone else with a penis. Looking forward to the day when the A4A Blog comes to understand that being Gay means only that you are sexually and/or emotionally attracted to… Read more »
I have.
If a bottom can’t get a sitter for an hour in a motel, then yes, a deal breaker. As is being too broke in the first place.
You have to love how “Would you date a guy who has kids?” gets automatically morphed into “Would you fuck a guy who has kids?” without even the blink of an eye. Only on AdamAdam.
Not at all. In “my time” adoption really wasn’t an option and I often thought how I would love them but wasn’t willing to jump into a fake relationship or lavender marriage to have them. Very few men I knew wanted anything to do with guys with kids.