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Is your relationship strong enough to handle a threesome? More importantly, is it ever a good idea to have that threesome with your boyfriend’s ex?
Threesomes can be a fun way to experiment in the bedroom with your partner—but what happens when the third party is his ex? Such is the case of a gay man online who found himself in an awkward situation after his boyfriend begged him for a threesome with an old flame. He shared, “My boyfriend begged me to have a threesome with his ex-boyfriend. We did. Now his ex wants to see me alone and my boyfriend is jealous. What to do?” Now, he’s caught in the middle of jealousy, unexpected attraction, and the messy aftermath of mixing past and present lovers.
Naturally, the situation sparked a lively discussion among gay men, with opinions ranging from “you did nothing wrong” to “this is why you never invite exes into the bedroom.” One commenter sympathized with the original poster (OP), saying, “Well, you did nothing wrong, but I wouldn’t see the ex on your own. Sounds like you and your boyfriend should cut contact with him.” Others were more blunt, pointing out that the boyfriend created his own dilemma. “You reap what you sow! Your boyfriend will have to live with the consequence.”
For some, the real issue isn’t just about the ex-boyfriend wanting to meet alone. As one person noted, “I’d be questioning the ex’s intentions. I doubt he wants to hang out alone with you because he likes you or liked the sex—it’s more likely that he’s being vindictive and wanting to use you to hurt your boyfriend.” Meanwhile, some gay men are questioning the boyfriend’s motivations in the first place. They also questioned the boyfriend’s own feelings, wondering, “Why did your boyfriend want to bring his ex into the bedroom? Sounds like he’s not over him—so you guys got to solve [for] that.”
Another commenter pointed out the common mistake many gay couples make when introducing a third person into their sex life. “Welcome to the common consequence of what happens when one partner eggs the other for a threesome when they might not be 100% into it.” He advised, “Talk to your boyfriend and see where he’s at. If he’s not comfortable discussing something that he pressured you into, I’d seriously consider counseling or dumping him.”
Other responses were more playful, highlighting the irony of the situation. “Tell your boyfriend, ‘Oops, guess we shouldn’t have done that,’ but reassure him that he’s your boyfriend, not the other guy.” One person summed it up with a short but cutting remark: “He played himself.”
Some saw the boyfriend as an attention-seeker who wanted both his partner and his ex to fawn over him. “The moment both of you prefer each other’s company more than him is the moment he got upset. Not before, when he suggested the threesome.” Another commenter jokingly suggested, “You should just dump him and date his ex—that would really piss off his narcissistic personality traits.”
For others, this situation was just another reminder of why they prefer to keep things simple. “Open relationships make me tired just thinking about them.”
So, what, for you, is the best course of action? Should OP cut ties with the ex and focus on repairing things with his boyfriend, or is this a sign that their relationship is already doomed? Would you ever agree to a threesome with your boyfriend’s ex, or is that just asking for drama? Adam4Adam blog readers, let’s hear your thoughts and stories in the comments section below!
Before they broke up, I had a threesome with two guys. After they broke up, I dated one of them for three years. Turns out he was a jerk, literally abandoned me in our apartment to move in with a guy who could afford his expensive pot habit and even brought up that threesome with his ex as part is his decision to break up with me.
I don’t think its a good idea to invite a 3rd person in your bedroom when you’re in a serious relationship with someone. Only time it MAY be considered, is if we’re on vacation in another country.
The short answer is No. I am personally fine with the idea of a threesome with your Partner as long as both of you have had a long healthy discussion and set some ground rules. But I would NEVER feel comfortable having a threesome with my partner’s ex, or inviting my ex.
Personally for me I’m not into group sex.
IMHO: Sex is personal and should be between two people.
I’m not opposed to having multiple partners, just not all at the same time.
No!
If you’re one of those men who need to create chaos in their lives then go for it
Absolutely NO.!!
I doubt it, seriously.
A “Menage a Trois”? A “Threesome”? A “Monkey-in-the-Middle”?
Never had a “boyfriend”. It’s because I’ve always wanted FWBs and never wanted a monogamous, couple-like, relationship. My small group of FWBs feel the same. We play in twos or however many more of us can group up as schedules allow.
We each have friends who we met and valued, but who come and gone over time as their boyfriending desires have been met for a while and then failed. The key is respecting what we each want in relationships, but always being there for each other.
I love three ways and group action but I would never do it with a guy with his ex because there’s just too much emotional baggage
It would all depend upon the dynamics of their, relationship. If there are separation issues left unresolved then no. If they had moved into amicable friends places then it might be considered. I have done just that with a boyfriend in the past and it was great; I admit his ex was a really good fuck! Would I do it again with those two – yes!