Speak Out: Is It Ever a Good Idea to Have Sex with Your Ex?

(Photo Credits: VladOrlov from Shutterstock)

Going by the discussions regarding this topic online, it’s a dilemma many gay and bisexual men have faced: should you sleep with your ex or not? Whether it’s out of loneliness, unresolved feelings, or simply convenience, the question of whether to hook up with an ex-boyfriend is a common one. Many gay men have shared their experiences, and the opinions are mixed. Let’s explore what gay men online have to say about the pros and cons of hooking up with an ex.

For some, the answer is a firm no. As one gay man put it, “He’s an ex for a reason, and people truly never change, no matter how much we want them to.” This sentiment highlights the risk of reopening old wounds, especially when emotions are still involved. Revisiting the past can often lead to disappointment, as another commenter added: “Fucking your ex is like wearing a dirty pair of undies that you found under the bed… you can, but usually, it’s not a good idea for various reasons.” These reasons range from emotional baggage to the risk of falling back into unhealthy patterns.

A common thread in the discussion is the idea that exes might exploit the situation. One responder mentioned, “You shouldn’t have done that, now he’s just going to booty call you and manipulate your feelings.” This is a common fear when sleeping with an ex—emotional manipulation. Some exes might take advantage of lingering feelings to turn casual sex into a way to keep you in their life without committing.

However, not everyone is opposed to the idea. Some argue that hooking up with an ex can be okay under the right circumstances. One gay man shared, “My rule if it’s going to be a help for you—I don’t hook up with an ex again unless we parted on good terms.” If both parties have moved on and there’s no bitterness or unresolved issues, the occasional hook-up might not be as harmful.

For others, the sexual chemistry is hard to ignore, even if the emotional connection has ended. Physical attraction doesn’t always disappear with the end of a relationship, and for some, the familiarity can offer comfort without the need for long-term commitments.

Ultimately, the decision to sleep with an ex boils down to context and intent. If you’re looking for closure, it might do more harm than good. But if both of you are on the same page and there are no lingering emotional ties, it could be a harmless fling.

Before you take that step, though, it’s important to ask yourself: are you truly over the relationship? And are you ready to accept whatever consequences might follow?

What do you think, Adam4Adam readers, is it ever a good idea to have sex with your ex? Why or why not? Let’s hear your thoughts and stories in the comments section below!