Image credit: Andrew Neel from Pexels
If you’re on Adam4Adam, the understanding is you’re looking for someone. There’s nothing wrong with looking for just a hookup or staying single, but if you’re looking for a relationship and nothing seems to be happening, it might be time to do some self-reflection.
Rather than be disheartened by your lack of success, maybe look at the five reasons we’ve compiled as to why you’re still single and see if one of them applies to you. After all, knowing where you need to be better is the first step to getting better.
1. Maybe you like the idea of a relationship more than being in one
This is a hard question you need to ask yourself. Is a relationship, with all its ups and downs, really what you want? Or do you just like the idea of having a boyfriend around because every one of your friends has one? When you’re actually in a relationship, do you find yourself getting bored easily? Maybe what you want are regular hookups, and there’s nothing wrong with that! Once you’ve come to terms with this, it will be easier to not beat yourself up for still being single.
2. You’re afraid of being rejected
No doubt about it, getting rejected hurts. People will understand if you withdraw for a while after a particularly tough rejection. But if you refuse to put yourself out there because you’re afraid of getting rejected again, you’re never going to have the relationship you’re longing for. How can other people find you if you’re keeping to yourself?
3. Your expectations are sky-high
You’re only willing to be in a relationship with a 6’ 9” blond Swede who is also the CEO of a billion-dollar startup, is masculine, willing to pamper you with gifts, and has a nine-inch dick he makes love to you with. It’s a good thing to have standards, but it’s quite another thing to be fully delusional.
4. You refuse to compromise
It’s perfectly okay to have standards when choosing a guy, but it’s also good to be flexible about those standards as well. Maybe the guy who wants to be your boyfriend isn’t earning as much as you’d want. But if you can clearly see that he’s working hard and has ambition, what’s stopping you from saying yes to him?
5. You don’t think you’re good enough
In today’s media landscape, it’s understandable if you’re feeling a little down on yourself. You’re constantly bombarded with images of men with six-pack abs, perfect hair, perfect skin. But it’s something you have to fight against because thinking you’re not good enough to be in a relationship is often a self-fulfilling prophecy. Always remember that you’re good enough and that you also deserve to be loved.
6. Your Adam4Adam profile is not up-to-date
I’m always browsing Adam4Adam in my city and what is striking to me is that many guys have the same profile text, same age, same photos for over 10 years. Guys, people are not stupid, they know that you are not 29 anymore. And that pixelized photo of you holding your daily catch from your fishing trip is not relevant anymore. You have a phone with a camera, uploading a new photo takes 1 minute and modifying your profile text, an extra minute. So head over your profile now, by clicking here, and adjust these elements. Put all the chances on your side.
Adam4Adam readers who have been able to find relationships, what advice would you give to those looking to be in a relationship? Share your advice and stories with us in the comments section below.
7. You’re a complete bitch that has nothing but drama and negativity in your wake…..
8. You simply have no interest in rushing into the same mistakes you’ve made in the past.
Waiting, I don’t think that’s very fair. If someone has drama and negativity in their wake, I’m willing to bet you that there are others causing the same amount of drama and negativity within their orbit. We gays feed off of each other when it comes to drama and negativity.
I’ll take that bet, AJ … and win. Talk about presumptuous and unfair! Not all “we gays” feed off each others’ drama and negativity, so speak for yourself. When I say, “I’m drama intolerant,” I mean it. I’m referring specifically to self-made drama. Sometimes, Life hands us a lemon; our adult responsibility is to quietly make a pitcher of lemonade and move forward. I have a problem with people who hang out in the orchard and shake the lemon trees, then bitch and moan when lemons fall on their heads. Waiting for Better’s point is valid.
I just saw a great bumper sticker the other day that said “If life hands you lemons, say ‘F**K YOU, LEMONS!'” to which I would add, “…and then make lemonade.”
LMAO! PERFECT!
Whoah hold te F*** up? Expections are too high? Are you kidding me? GTHOH with that BS.. My expections are just that my expections and if you do not meet them, then kick rocks with open toe shoes. I’m not going to lower them just so I can date a guy. A4A is full of people who are drug users ( what do you thinks poppers, mary jane/420/bud/”T”/PNP is?) & you want me to drop my expections for those men? In that case I rathet stay single then deal with druggies. Not to mention the broke men asking for money… Read more »
You don’t need lemons. You’re already sour!
True that
yea its true,,sooo many druggies & losers whos only goal is being a spongecake,,
The picture part I agree with you. I’m in NJ and you have stuck up people whose like in their 40-50 still trying to relive their youth with old pictures. One dude has the same picture of him on a balcony for 10+ years. Ask him he has another one , he doesn’t which is BS. Then you have the ones who have picture of them skinny or great body and meet up they have a few pounds…which in my opinion isn’t bad because I don’t mind thickness but why lie about how you look to get likes or something.… Read more »
The main reason? I want to be single, I’m tired of the leeches, the lushes, the tweekers,
the mo rons, and the idiots. This pseudo psychobabble is useless.
It’s always been that way, and I had my youth in the ’70s. The very few who DO pair up for life usually have a business or money involved, as did most of the bar and dance hall owners back in my era. Meth came in in ’78, which enabled the pandemic by an order of magnitude, and a short while later, after a boyfriend I’d had high hopes for, pozzed up and died four months later, I just threw up my hands and gave up. After 25 years of pandemic and death, I realize I made the right choice… Read more »
What insulting messages to feed to single men. I’m single because: I don’t drink, don’t hang out in bars, don’t waste time with inappropriate people, I have moral standards, I am educated, and I am a little picky in some ways, I don’t have money to spare. I’m not into stereotypical behavior, not into fashion, fitness, and other buzzwords and trends. So I have been spared bad relationships with cheaters, bores, flakes, fluffs. I had a twink yes, a twink, but he is going to be a dentist, he is smart and sure of himself.
how do i get into contact with you? lot in common
9. You can’t take care of yourself so you need a crutch. 10. Financially, you are needy and you are looking for someone to take care of you. 11. You are much too obvious about your needs; your needs are many & complex. 12. Your excessive baggage requires a moving van that follows you everywhere you go and no ones’ driveway is long enough or wide enough. 13. Time and beauty have passed you by…by the time you’ve come to realize there is more to dating than being a sled-dog. 14. Death is eminent and no one wants to bury… Read more »
I dealt with 9, 10, 12 and 14 through the ’70s and part of the pandemic, after which I just threw up my hands and gave up. Now, I’m dealing with 13, but know better than to put myself out there for today’s crop. All this did was verify Quentin Crisp’s on-air statement of years ago, that being, “Homosexuality is a TERRIBLE disease!” That crazy queen was right all along!
NOMOFOME:
You are one-of-the-few who read what I wrote and understood what I meant. I learned the hard way.
9 – 14 is quite true but many do not wish to acknowledge it. Glad you recognized the truth.
N.Z.H.:
Those of us in the know had to learn the hard way by dealing with 9 through 14 personally and by suffering the consequences of same, which in my case, marred me for life. Those who do not comprehend your points are headed for a RUDE wakeup call, especially with the postpandemic crowd. And I thought I had it bad in the ’70s….sheeeez Louise!
A4A is primarily a sex/hookup site…it’s hard to think “Husband/Boyfriend” when your ass or his dick or both are in full view of EVERYONE on here…not to mention all your sexual desires and “group” action openness…lol….don’t mean to sound jaded(well maybe just a little) but old pics or new this is a odd place to find sincerity.
I think you’re wrong…many guys found love after a hookup…
Many got married after using a4a…
We receive many emails every year from couples that formed from A4A
David… you are the one who is wrong! Really? Wow, you received many emails every year! C’mon dude… an email does is just an exception! It is not the norm!
No matter how much you cherry-pick from your product, at the end of the day, A4A is still a sex app. It will never be Tinder.
I’ll add to what Waiting said:
9. You’re using pictures of porn actors on your profile because they look similar to you.
10. You’re a hobosexual. You’re not looking for a relationship, just a place to live.
WHAT AJ SAID! I added No. 11!!!
Every post says something very important and valuable. Love can be found in the strangest of places. U never know what you may stumble upon while hooking up. But you may have better chances and choices on a Dating site. Not a site where there are too many negative quality’s to filter through. Ist and for most, this Is a hookup site. If you profile says you seek a relationship, friendship, networking, NSA hookup ect, and the profile pics are sexual or suggestive, prepare to get Someone most likely to be uncertain of what they want. But, if you have… Read more »
Dave I don’t mean to be Snarky…but have ya read some of the earlier post…though some are harsh they are based in truth!!….A4A is a odd place to look for and find a relationship…. thought I must say I have met a nice few guys who are now fuck buds…but a husband? not so much.
I like most have standards…we can fuck on the reg…but your NOT moving in!…God bless the guys that have made that leap with guys from here, they DEF not the majority…but minority..
I’m not saying out of 11 million guys, hundreds of thousands got married. But many met their boyfriend on A4A, in the thousands over the 17 years we’ve been in bizz. Many got married, in the hundreds. I mean my support team sends me these messages.
A4A could do two things that other site do very well. Develop a formula to automatically update age and delete profiles that have not logged on for one year.
And connect blog responses to active profiles. The bloggers name would be a link back to their profile. People will say anything (usually negative) when they’re anonymous.
“Six Reasons You’re Still Single”
What kind of big giant guilt trip is that to lay on anyone?
Why is someone who hasn’t partnered with a “one and only” somehow a failure? (keyword being “still”)
This blog topic is far from helpful. Hateful maybe. Hurtful for sure.
Oh pffft… Wake up and smell the coffee, sweetcheeks. Those “hurtful” comments are the REALITY, the recognition of which is blinded to you by a bad case of cognitive dissonance. Scroll up a bit for N.Z.B.’s comment..THAT’S the reality. One night in a hot dance bar in old WeHo, I was spinning records in the booth, accompanied by an arch leather queen then in his 60s, but still svelte and curiously handsome, to whom I’d asked a very earnest question, to wit: “I dunno, Keith…I had to kick him to the curb. His dope habit was far too much for… Read more »
Jesus! You have more drama than Telemundo and Univision together. Glad that you won’t lower your expectation, but you should relax to show that you are in control. Your dramatic ego and counterexamples show that you are NOT, EVEN THOUGH some of your argument is right.
And that last one about having the same picture from 10 years ago, I live in NJ and there’s really no variety on here hence why I’m barely on this site anymore. When I say there a lot of the same profiles with pictures from like 5-9 years ago being stuck up and picky. I find it funny especially the ones who has 1 picture and claiming they don’t have more pictures which is a lie. So many technically and you can’t take an updated picture??? I had one dude who used the same picture for 6 years and I… Read more »
That’s not all true. Some men do look better as they getting older. I met some young 20s and 30s that look like a mess. And I met some older that try to keep in perfect shape. This is a4a and to me most people on here looking to hook up and there is nothing wrong with that. Some on here looking for connection and fun and some just want to get fucked. And you got mad and stopped talking to that man because he lied to you about something and you don’t tolerate liars ?? What you think you… Read more »
Obviously you misinterpreted what I said. I never said men who are older don’t look good for their age. It’s the fact that you have people on there using the same pictures for years ago and lying about updating their pictures because they trying to relive their youth. Furthermore, if he lied about how he look, who knows what else he lied about. Not everyone looks down on men with alittle meat on them. I like my men with meat. Obviously I know this isn’t match.com but my thing is if you want to get to know someone for friends,… Read more »
Seems like all the guys that posted comments think they have all the answers. Except they don’t.
With little exception, they are all so bitter and jaded. Evident by their oh so loving comments.
After reading the list I find it to be accurate. Most of the guys I’ve met over the years claim to want to settle down and get to know each another, but somehow flip it and after decide they want something sexual then turn it around as if I wanted somthing sexual which I never did in the first place. I think that guys now a days want the whole package right away. Instead of trying to get with someone who is working hard to better themselves physically and emotionally it sometimes can be a little discouraging. Your putting in… Read more »
I think an up-to-date A4A Has little to nothing to do with singledom. Do you have any data whatsoever to support this claim?
You know, I’m pretty old-fashioned/conservative when comes to the dynamics of a relationship, and I’m honestly flexible, genuine, open-minded or unconventional, sexually, I’m a one-man, man. I not very trendy, either, I believe in taking one’s time, there should be some anticipation and like a climax; the excitement should build. There should be boxes that are checked, besides the obvious physical-chemistry (you could just eat each other.) Additionally, you both have to possess other qualities both are attracted to about each other. . . I’m just beyond the typical messy stuff, if it doesn’t work out after all of that,… Read more »
Interesting as I read these comments,.. People Change n so do Lifestyles, and People of Different ages ( in my Opinion) have little to no respect for one another. Many under 40 have no Idea what Gay Rights even are,.. Many over 50 may be widowed or scorned or burnt by past relationships we are all just so unique,.. Dating ( if you can call it that) is nothing in 2020 as it was in 1979. Digital era No one talks to each other, and Texting can be so impersonal,.. Sex is fun, no matter what Age you are,.. I… Read more »
Hold on Lone Ranger! I have proof most men DO NOT CHANGE! There are guys on Adam 4 Adam using the same picture they’ve used on other gay hook up and dating sites for 10 years. (Sadly I have been the same sights long enough to notice.) Using the same profile lingo, “Looking for my soulmate.” Blah. Blah. Blah. However these are the same guys you see at big gay events and they are the total opposite than what they say in their profile. For example 10 years ago they had in their profile, “look for a man who loves… Read more »
7. You are a drunk or druggie, who would rather sit in a dank apartment and drink until drunk or get high as a kite than get out and discover the world in daylight or have meaningful conversations that lead to an affirming relationship. A thorough review of A4A profiles within 30 miles of my location will show that an estimated 90% of members drink or use drugs more than “occasionally.” In fact, A4A is a popular platform for drug suppliers to advertise their products, and apparently, A4A is okay with that. I reported one such member, thinking meth dealers… Read more »
We always check convo when someone reports such profiles. If our support team didn’t find anything it means he is not talking about drugs on a4a
Okay, Dave. “I got Tina for you” is a perfectly innocent statement. It means he’s trying to set members up with his girlfriend. Sure. Right. Got it.
i sent a support message to a4a explaining why someones profile was about meth (sk8ing) and they said they took him down. he made another profile tho and if i feel like it i might report that. a4a could get the police involved
I think a person can find a good relationship anywhere. However, I believe there are places that will increase that probability. I’m not sure that A4A is the best place to find that quality relationship, but it does happen. I feel that one good reason that someone can’t find a relationship is because he doesn’t know what he wants. It is like when someone says that they just want to be happy but they don’t say what happiness is to them. If you want a relationship with someone it is important to know what you want or need. Do they… Read more »
My last relationship ended (thank God, he’s a nice guy but we would not have lasted) 21 years ago. At first I thought I was taking a break but now I suspect I will always be single. In all honesty there is only one man I can ever even imagine seriously being in a relationship with and he’s married, very happily, to another man. I’m just not inspired enough to do the work a relationship takes.
11. Online he’s presented himself as badass. funny, wants a real relationship and interesting. In person, you discover he’s: boring, dull, shy, reserved, anxiety-ridden, cheap, paranoid, and only out for a cheap handjob in the Men’s Room before his parking expires!!! Do you know how many guys I’ve met online that sound great “on cyber paper” but yet in person you the could be the poster excuse for starting a TV show called, “What Not To Date?” OMFG! For example, I clearly state in my online profile on Adam 4 Adam I’m a muscular, hairy, dark-skinned mulatto who is educated… Read more »
OMFG. Are you fking kidding me ?? The story is kind of funny when I read it but I guess that can happen when dealing with online hook up.
Why is being single such a bad thing? I love being single. Absolutely love it. It’s one of the perks of being gay.
I don’t like sleeping next to someone and I don’t like sharing rest rooms. I like to take vacations or travel around the world as I please. I don’t like the stress and anxiety provoking drama that comes with relationships or even dating. I like my single free independent life. Thanks but no thanks to anything else. To each his own.
I read all the comments and they were all very interesting. My take is that I been on both sides of the fences like most of us. When I dated or was in a relationship I absolutely loved the companionship. Holding hands walking through the park/mall/beach, holidays together, going on vacations and to the movies, going to weddings and even funerals together. I absolutely adore cold winter mornings under the blankets having warm passionate sex about 4 am on a Saturday morning when neither have to get up for work meaning no rush, etc. That was great!!!! Then I look… Read more »
Wow. I’m liking it. Totally understand what ur saying.
How about this…the gay community is so toxic that some folks DECIDE to stay single and are OK w/ just the occasional hook up?
That’s what I arrived at in 1984.
I totally disagree. The gay community does have toxic people however YOU CHOOSE to let people’s toxicity rub off on you. Many gay men don’t even like themselves let alone love themselves. Can you imagine if gay men actually took the time to work on themselves and love themselves BEFORE they tried to date? How would that change the LGBTQ community and the world?! Always take the high road. Be positive. Think of the effects of your actions before you do them.
I think a person can find a relationship anywhere…just remember there are ALL kinds of relationships …I have often thought A4A is a GREAT platform for Hookups and glad they are here!…but I have often wondered what it would be if just a couple new rules were implemented like…ALL of us would have to pay a small fee to be on….ALL profiles NOT signed into in six months automatically deleted…lol…you certainly would get rid of a lot of the druggies and hookers…maybe you would attract MORE men that were serious about finding something more than sex?…anyway….just a thought.
Here’s my take on the supposed dating scene… Too many HIGH ass, if not, OUTLANDISH expectations and standards! I know why I’ve been single for the last 17 years and I’ve come to LOVE IT! When one has to rearrange and set standards that are beneficial to one’s self, then you see what you’re getting…I cannot begin to tell you how many guys get heated, when they realise that the standards you’ve set for yourself, puts you out of THEIR league! As for myself, I will not date a man who doesn’t exercise (swinging naked from door frames DOES NOT… Read more »
I’m struck by how incredibly angry many of these comments are. It is something I see in a lot of the profiles, too — guys who just seem consumed by bitterness. I don’t think this is a “gay thing,” but I do think it might be a “guy thing.” A lot of men are walking around carrying a load of anger. Totally apart from the negative impact that must have in relationships with others (romantic, sexual and otherwise), it seems like just a miserable way to go through life. I think a lot of guys out there would do well… Read more »
ARE MY ROMANTIC EXPECTATIONS TOO HIGH? When we contemplate leaving a relationship, it is usually because – in the privacy of our hearts – we harbour expectations of being able to meet another, and in key ways, better kind of person. We are restless inside because we can no longer overlook the shortfalls in the present partner: a problem around emotional intelligence or sexual compatibility, beauty or vigour, wit or kindness. But no sooner have our doubts arisen than we may start to wonder whether we really have any right to harbour them. Anyone with a modicum of self-awareness, and… Read more »
Yeah….right! LMAOOOOO!
Have you ever considered the race factor? It’s the big elephant in the room. Whether its hookups or dating, we all know race plays a factor in addition to body type and a billion other things. There are some gays who won’t date outside their race and some who would only exclusively date a certain race. I am not judging this situation but a racial preference eliminates a lot of potential candidates. So, the pool is even smaller for gays who are rejected solely based on their race. There are layers of complexity to the dating scene.
I am in incredible shape, Im Very active in LIFE, Im just finishing up a ground up restore on a 1989 jeep wrangler. And I post comments like, While you guys have been sitting online, Chasing Dick, I built my own jeep.. THERE is a big issue with alot of the guys on a4a, Never even getting a date, Hey Im 66 years old, and still hott as fuck and i get hit on 10 times a day from all over the world.. I know the Answer, My self Confidence is Incredibly High, I work out to Rolling Stones videos… Read more »
“I’m looking to settle down when I meet Mr Right, but Mr. Right now is okay 10 or 15 times a day”. Typical attitude I notice online. Seriously, no one wants a serious relationship with a slut. Only a total fool wants to deal with that kind of drama, disease and/or drug use that the ‘Scene’ lifestyle so often entails.
Single is bad? Sorry you’re so sad, but some people have no problem being alone. Maybe the problem is unrealistic expectations set by pandering media? Get a grip.Write an article about how it’s okay to be alone.Stop popularizing the fallacy of relationship. Each and every one of us know marriage (in any form) is not usually healthy. Two sick people do not make a healthy couple. It’s a recipe for disaster. Why not post articles about how to be stronger as an individual so that one can be better as a duo? You’re manipulating lonely people to further your own… Read more »
I don’t feel that what I have in my likes/dislikes makes me picky. My roommate, on the other hand, thinks it’s too specific of a description.
But why is it so hard for these stats: my age or younger, smooth, not overweight, doesn’t have tattoos nor piercings, not into drugs, & HIV-?
Yet, it’s ironic people on A4A call me out for this….when their want list basically describes just 1 race (which they’ll state they DON”T want anything else), +/- 2 years of an early 20’s age, a very specific hair/eye combo, & a minimum height?