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Have you given up on dating, guys? If so, you’re not alone.
Dating is often seen as the path to finding love, companionship, and long-term happiness. However, for many gay men, the reality can be far more complicated. Endless messaging, awkward first dates, ghosting, mismatched expectations, and disappointment can leave some wondering whether dating is worth the effort at all.
Such is the case of a gay man online who recently asked, “Are you happier not dating?” He added, “What are the signs you would say that someone should give up dating and not do it anymore? Personally, I have never enjoyed dating and found it a waste of my time.”
His question sparked a lively discussion among gay men, many of whom admitted they have complicated feelings about dating.
One commenter summed up a sentiment that many gay men could probably relate to: “I’m as unhappy dating as I am unhappy being single, but at least with the unhappy being single, the only bullshit I have to deal with is my own.” While being single can sometimes feel lonely, relationships and dating often bring their own challenges, conflicts, and emotional stress.
Other guys were even more direct like this guy who said, “Dating isn’t for me.” For some people, dating simply doesn’t feel rewarding. Whether due to past experiences, personality differences, or changing priorities, not everyone enjoys the process of searching for a partner.
In addition, another commenter explained that stepping away from dating brought him greater peace. He shared, “A hundred percent happier without. Don’t chase anything. Allow your peace and own flow, and things that align will come your way and also pass on.”
This earned a thoughtful question from the original poster: “Would you be open to a relationship if the right man came along, though? I agree with not chasing anything.” The commenter further responded, “Yes, I would be 100% open to it. In the meantime, [I am] improving and stabilizing my life.” He added, “If it comes, I wish to go very slow.”
This only shows that while some gay men are giving up on actively pursuing relationships, this doesn’t necessarily mean that they are closing the door to love entirely. Is this the same for you, guys?
Of course, not everyone finds happiness in staying single, like this guy, who replied, “I get lonely.” The original poster replied by sharing a different perspective: “I have been more lonely trying to date TBH, than just ‘giving up.'”
Meanwhile, one gay man replied with humor, “Ya, when the street is full of quality meat, why settle for someone?” While his response is clearly tongue-in-cheek, the comment reflects another reality of modern dating: with seemingly endless options available through apps and social media, some people struggle to feel motivated to commit.
The discussion raises an interesting question. Is there ever a point when someone should stop dating? Or is it healthier to simply take breaks, focus on personal growth, and remain open to possibilities without actively searching?
Having said all that, what about you, Adam4Adam blog readers? Are you happier when you’re dating or when you’re single? Have you ever taken a break from dating because it felt exhausting or unfulfilling? Do you believe some people are genuinely happier without pursuing relationships, or do most of us still hope to find the right person eventually? Are you actively dating, taking a break, or done with it entirely? Share your thoughts and stories in the comments section down below.
When it comes to relationships, guys are all over the board. Some only want frequent hookups with random partners (rarely repeaters). Some want Friends with Benefits (guys they’re known for a while and have ongoing sex with. There can be a certain level of emotional attachment.) Others seek their “one and only”, “their Prince”, someone they can care about and who cares about them. They connect on not only a sexual level, but emotionally/spiritually as well. Monogamy when it comes to sex is usually the case; they may have sex together with others or singly as they agree. Dating comes… Read more »
Dating is spending time and money on someone you probably won’t ever want to see again. It’s not a process of selection, rather one of elimination. And you can probably find that out easier without the need for appetizers, drinks and/or a menu.
I’m mostly happy without dating. I have a great group of friends but there are times that I miss the intimacy that comes with dating. What I am searching for is a FWB that can come over, watch a movie, do our thing and go home or dating without commitment. I am at a point in my life where I am not ready for the commitment of a relationship.
Thank you for BEING HONEST with your response there – not many would even mentioned all that w/o the ‘mind games’ that they usually put out there….
Well at least you have a cool group of friends to hang out a enjoy keeping your mind off the intimacy missing issue. I see those “groups” like yours all the time and that makes me feel a little lonely.
Totally agree!
So much for support groups, just socially speaking.
Dating locals in Soflo, it’s not a thing here, just “hook-ups.” They figure why date, it’s not as though it’s facilitating any kind of meaningful union/relationship, they’re not lovable enough or capable of love, period any longer.
They’re health status, I suspect is the real culprit, though. Not to mention, the narcissism in our “community” is really staggering, too, no one is really trustworthy.
Sadly there’s some truth to that. But fortunately not everybody is that way neither
That’s ‘why’ I keep the door/s of communication open, by way of keeping a few gay dating sites available; “keeping hope alive.” We’re never completely alone; those of ‘us’ that have, say a value system/s, but frequently far apart; one must exercise discernment, protecting and preserving yourself. Less baggage, period.
Expecting monogamy from gay men is on par with the “personal growth” delusion
For the most AGREE………most really have no desire to be tied down to Anyone. I have had a couple good relationships (one was Married and the other was ideal but I had to take a job transfer and relocate which killed the situation). Now I just make a play for what I want and strictly involve myself with some FWBs but if one of them decided to be exclusive I wouldn’t say No. Dating takes a lot of work and effort and if it is not mutual, I SAH will not even bother……….DONE with that.
My last date was August of 2018. I was at an art fair with a friend when he got a text, and said “B and K (friends of his who I knew) are here too. Do you want to have lunch with them?” When we met there was a third guy with them. We had a nice lunch and finished the fair. About 6 mos later, I was at a local Deli and saw a guy who looked familiar. It was the third guy. Then the bell went off. I called my friend and asked if that had been a… Read more »
I decided dating isn’t for me anymore. It’s too awkward and risky; anything from ghosting to deception. I met my ex on A4A. I actually pursued him. Our dating life was very short because we jumped into our relationship so quickly and I knew it was too soon, but he wanted a relationship and I didn’t follow my gut instincts to go slowly, or to just pursue a friendship. We drove in and it was a 3 year bumpy roller coaster ride in hell. We were too toxic for each other. It ended badly.
I think that maybe that’s what are some of our fears are with the rest of us. We’re afraid of something like that. What looks the best to us may turn out to be the worst!
I’m torn. While I wouldn’t say I’m done with dating, I’ve been alone since Fall ‘99.
So, I wonder if ~27 years is a good sign to accept my future.
However, it was after graduating college (when I was 22) that I had my 1st anything (kiss, date, romance, sex).
But then my parents have been married over 50 years & sister had been married about 30 (& dated B-I-L for 9 years before the wedding). & my nieces, nephews, cousins are either still with their bf/gf or married with kids. So, the sadness of being alone is always there.
That s/b “sister has been married”…
Yea same here dude. You started a little before I did. Sure I already had been on dates with guys I wrote back and forth with on personals(Online was just starting). I haven’t “been” with anyone since around the same time as you. The hangout joints back then there were more easier pickings to attract, but now I feel like a diabetic in a bakery, I’m allowed inside but can only have the refreshments. Yea I try to look stylish or hip, in different outfits reflecting various groups and still a “fly on the wall”. So there you have it,… Read more »
I say this more out of observance rather than personal experience as I have never dated but am now more receptive to the concept of committed relationship than ever. But, to dismantle many stereotypes, as a rule I find women far more emotionally attractive than men. But I haven’t been in bed with a woman in over 40 years. I believe there has been an unnatural attempt to conflate marriage and committed relationships with attraction in all areas and that one-on-one dating is the only way to explore that. To the contrary, I find such assessment easier to make when… Read more »
Was at a wedding between two great guys (one a long term good bud, not an FWB or Gay bud.) yesterday. Great ceremony by our Pastor (my huge US Church) in their now backyard (like 100 people). Both well beyond middle aged. Both after having partners of decades who had died. Both figured they’d never ever ever find another. They met volunteering after they had volunteered at several music-related events in our area. The reception was awesome. Unique food catered at an intimate local music venue. Great food and great local music artisans (not head banging CDs by a DJ).… Read more »
Just when I thought Tired of Making the Effort, Online Sites and Apps and out of nowhere I get a response from a Guy that I pretty much wrote off as a wasted effort. M aybe he felt the same but we finally decided to meet up and it actually was pretty decent.Met him at a public space and we spent a couple hours together including having dinner. While walking to our cars he asked So what do You think are you interested or not because I would like to see you again? We laughed about the awkwardness of meet… Read more »