(Photo Credits: VladOrlov from Shutterstock)
First times are rarely smooth, but when it comes to gay sex, they’re almost always memorable. So, how was it for you? Were you the top or the bottom? One young Balkan guy who is curious about gay sex turned to the internet with his bold question, “How does it feel to get fucked by a man?” He added, “I’m a discreet 19-year-old Balkan guy who has never had sex with a guy. I like men, but since I don’t go to bed with random men, I haven’t had sex before. How does it feel? What is it like afterwards? Both being top and bottom.”
It’s a question many gay and bi men have asked themselves at some point—especially before their first time. What does it actually feel like to top or bottom? How do emotions, connection, and physical chemistry affect the experience? And what advice do experienced guys have for someone who’s curious but cautious?
Anyway, the responses were dripping with details—equal parts sexy, funny, and oh-so-relatable. One gay man summed it up simply, “Feels awesome! Love it. 10/10. Would recommend. Not everyone likes it, though.” Sex, after all, is deeply personal—what’s ecstatic for one person might not be enjoyable for another. But the way he put it speaks to the joy and excitement that a lot of men feel when they finally dive in.
Others shared their journey from awkward first times to genuine pleasure like this guy who shared, “It was definitely uh interesting first time doing it. Felt strange I guess. But after a few more times, I really got into it a lot more and stuff. Being in the right mental state makes a huge difference if you’re going to enjoy it or not. One of the biggest things is wanting to please the other person, and by doing that, you also feel very good.” That “strange” feeling is common at the start, but with patience, comfort, and openness, it can become something intensely pleasurable.
Practical advice came through, too. One guy said, “If it is big, it’ll probably hurt. Have him go slowly. Use lots of lubes. ‘Spoons’ (side by side) might be more comfortable. If it is not large, you need no special instructions.” The message? Preparation and communication matter. Everybody is different, and easing into it with the right lube, position, and pace makes a world of difference.
Some men described the experience in more primal terms, like this guy who revealed, “Addictive whether you get penetrated or you’re doing the penetration.” The intensity, the closeness, and the raw sensation can leave people craving more—sometimes immediately after.
There was also some humor and local flavor in the conversation. One guy replied, “LOL, I am Balkan, and was in the Balkans last year. Lots of discreet guys… maybe just have sex with a traveler and not a local.” Another chimed in with: “The Balkans have a lot of macho men with thick bodies and dicks. If I were you, I’d be all over them. That being said, you’re only 19, and I didn’t lose my virginity until 25.” Both point to cultural and regional realities—discretion, masculinity, and timing all play roles in how and when men explore their sexuality.
And then there’s the playful analogy coming from this guy who shared, “It’s kind of like putting on your summer clothes after putting on a few pounds in winter. A little tight at first, but then you get used to it and your body adjusts. Afterwards, it gets a little complicated if they want to play chess. I’ve never been good at chess, and most guys aren’t interested in playing UNO for some reason. Bottom gets to pick the game after sex, but that’s the only difference really.” Humor like this reflects how many men look back at their first times with both fondness and laughter.
Sex is as much about fun as it is about sensation. For some, it’s sweaty, passionate, and physical. For others, it’s emotional, spiritual, or funny in ways you can’t predict. But no matter how it unfolds, your first time—and every time after—comes with lessons about yourself and what you enjoy.
Having said all that, first times can be messy, magical, or downright mind-blowing—but they’re always worth talking about. So tell us, Adam4Adam blog readers: how did your first time go? What was your first time like—topping, bottoming, or both? Did it match your expectations, or did it surprise you? Any advice for curious first-timers like our Balkan friend, or maybe a funny disaster story? Whether you’re a seasoned top, a power bottom, or still waiting for that moment, spill it in the comments section down below—we’re listening.
My guess is, most of us WEREN’T MEN, at our “1st time”. ‘nough said.
And AMAZINGLY, the question was about the first time with a man, not your first time. Comprehension is important.
In my case, you got that right.
I was a Top my first time. I was 45, and the guy i was with was 25. We had a fun FWB situation and I continued for 6 years until I met my ex who was 11 yrs my junior. He was a Total Top and I gave in. Because of my feelings for him, I discovered an emotional side of being a bottom that has kept me at this position even though we only lasted 6 years together. When mixed with passion and romance…..and the right mindset, there is nothing like it. While i do enjoy being a… Read more »
Hopefully FIRST TIMES will be MEMORABLE and FUN AS hell and pleasant!!! Almost ALL my “first times” have been 🙂
My first time I was a bottom and it was very nice but hurt but once’s I got use to it I liked it
I had met with an older guy for a while just trading oral. I had a little experience, but he was the first man I had ever kissed and the first to eat my ass. This day we had been fooling around and he turned me onto my stomach and started massaging me. He then started to eat my ass. After a while he asked if I’d like him to use a small vibrator on my ass. It felt so good that I couldn’t think straight. He asked if he could fuck me and I said yes. I told him… Read more »
Sorry For your lost and the feeling of lost you must be feeling, emotionally and physically. greive but continue to live fully.
It was equal,we just kiss touched felt one another dicks/ass,I was in my early 20’s when I first connected with another guy,the first time is the best,heart racing, nerves and don’t know just what to say or do,lol!Now I consider myself a top man, because I love butthole!
My first time bottoming (age 45) was absolutely incredible most erotic feeling i e ever had, it was a mqssuese and he was incredible
I was just a cocksucker (a dam good one so I am told) for decades. Then I started reading stories about getting fucked and began began to realize I was being selfish by not making myself available as a bottom. with a small white dickette I knew I wasn’t meant to top and i was a bottom. After my first time I had one regret, — That I waited so long and didn’t start sooner. Nothing better than having a big dick balls deep in either place.
First time as a bottom – I tried cruising at a local spot and ran into a guy who looked like he was interested. We talked a bit, but he didn’t make a move until I reached out and grabbed his crotch. He said later that was his way of making sure I wasn’t a cop. After I sucked his dick for a while (slightly wooded area near a lake, but other guys were around and some stopped to watch), we went back to his place and he ended up fucking me. Not great, but not bad. I would be… Read more »
Why is it still assumed that everyone is either a top bottom or both?
just as long as the hype sells PrEP
And Lube. We are forever the subjects of marketing, masquerading as “culture.”
It’s part of the “magic of being Gay” promoted by militant Gays and “The Community”. “Anal is the be all end of of being Gay” they tout and “You ain’t Gay you don’t do anal” or so they say. It was well past two years after I started to meet men that I did anal. Just wasn’t a want. Let one trusted guy top me after we met many times. It was fine for him, of course, but really did nothing for me. “You’re just not wired” my FWBs say. Tried topping, didn’t feel all that spectacular. I let a… Read more »
To me, it’s just imitating heterosexuals. Oral sex is truly gay, and frottage.
Exactly! I don’t top or bottom. Anal is just not my thing. There are many other things that can be shared between 2 guys other than anal.
I always knew I wanted to get fucked, But I didn’t want anyone to know, so I would buy cucumbers and keep them in the fridge. And when I knew my family would be out for a while I would use one, That wenton for a while, worked myself up to 8″-9″ Then the whole Internet came, I connected with a guy about 2 hours away, we chatted for about two months, then I made the drive to see him, it was just suppose to been a meet and greet, The vibe was there after about 20 minutes he had… Read more »
I moved away from home at 19, it took me until I was 20, “to come out.” I was a “late bloomer” so, I had wet dreams before while living at home but never masturbated; I was one of those kids, growing so rapidly, that “sexual maturity took a backseat.” The first time I was consciously masturbating, I was a natural humper, love to use my dick from day one, lol, I should have known. I tried playing with my own ass, first, then when I came out, I let a man 10yrs my senior top me, it hurt, he… Read more »
I was 18 (I’m now 65) and as hidden in the closet then as I am now (married, kids, etc.). The build-up to sucking that first cock (among other desired ‘activities’) was unreal, starting around age 16. Finally given the chance, I hooked up with this guy in his late 20s. It was in the late 1970s and he had one of those Village People-style mustaches and was a bit overweight. I also had the hots for guys around my age, so he wasn’t my desired type at all but my dick saw it differently: a male body with a… Read more »
If my first guy had insisted on anal sex, in 1979, I might have never had sex with a man again. I might have died, too, as his boyfriend was one of the first to die of AIDS. He was immune, but not his boyfriend.
I was deeply closeted through high school and into college. Knowing I wanted to get with another man but not knowing how. This was well before the internet and there weren’t many well known (to me anyway) avenues to explore. Finally hooked up with a guy at a convenience store whom I could tell was gay…. traded blow jobs…nice / it was a start. Then found the gay clubs in our city..had several satisfying hook-ups. About a year later, a guy wanted to top me… neither of us really knew much of “how to go about it for mutual pleasure”… Read more »
So it obviously depends on on your partnerfor your first time. I was 17and was lucky enough to find a generous mature patient top buddy ! He was 30 With long hair, beautiful body and an amazing cock. He took his time entering me and moved slow til i was comfortable, i was on my back with him straddling me and stroking my cock with each thrust. I came so hard my com literally hit the ceiling!