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Gay culture is often celebrated for its diversity, creativity, and resilience—but like any community, it’s not immune to critique. On social media, in group chats, and now increasingly in open forums, more LGBTQ+ folks are voicing concerns about toxic behaviors that seem to repeat in certain cities. A recent post by a gay man online sparked a lively discussion when he asked, “In your opinion, what city has the worst gay/queer culture? I have heard so many stories about people having bad experiences in different places having with toxic queer people (especially gay men), but I’m curious to see what the consensus is.” The responses came from all over the world, offering brutally honest, sometimes humorous, and often eye-opening accounts of what gay life feels like in different parts of the world.

Meanwhile, some respondents shared what it feels like to be excluded by their own community. Moreover, the answers revealed more than just cities with reputations. They reflected frustrations, disappointments, and the longing for queer spaces to be safe, supportive, and genuinely welcoming.

So, what places got called out the most?

“In the US, it’s Dallas and nowhere else comes close.” That’s how one commenter kicked off a brutally honest take on the gay scene in Texas’ most stylish city. “Take your pick: vain, superficial, image-obsessed gays or down low repressed closet cases. Not much in between.” Another gay man added, “First time around gays in Dallas I was taught about the ‘Dallas Gay’ hug—it’s where you subtly check the label on someone’s shirt while pulling them in.” Ouch. The criticisms weren’t just about individual behavior, but about a culture of judgment and superficiality that seemed baked into the local gay scene.

Our question is: do their experience hold true for you as well?

Even outside the U.S., criticism emerged. “Puerto Vallarta in Mexico, it’s getting full of scammers,” one Mexican commenter said. “I think the sex tourism is making everything y’all point out above the same here.” PV may be a paradise for gay travelers, but for locals, it’s a place where authenticity is getting drowned in profit-driven interactions and an ever-growing disconnect between locals and tourists.

That was another city that came up more than once and it’s Sydney, Australia.  The problem? Gatekeeping. “Extremely unwelcome to people who don’t look like their type of gay, and that’s for all the different communities,” one commenter explained. Another added a more nuanced take: “Sydney gays can be some of the most arrogant superficial people you’ll meet; akin to LA. And I’m a local from Sydney saying this.” Despite acknowledging that there are still “lots of friendly gays about,” the same commenter warned of a “very cliquey, very ageist, very looks-based” culture that favors wealth, beauty, and status.

This struck a nerve with one man from South Africa, who wrote, “I’m South African and this comment section has got me nervous.” That brief, uneasy remark says a lot: how people carry the hope that a new place might offer a better LGBTQ community—and how reading others’ experiences can shake that hope.

Of course, no discussion of toxic gay scenes would be complete without bringing up Los Angeles and New York. They’re both gay meccas, but according to some gay men, they each come with their own flavor of elitism. “I’ve heard that both LA and NY gays are very elitist and catty but over different things,” one gay man wrote. “From what I gather, the LA gays are very physically shallow and more typically elitist over looks, while NY gays seem more elitist over social climbing and financial success.”

In short: different coasts, same cold shoulder.

Whether it’s ageism, racism, body shaming, classism, or plain-old cliquishness, the comments made one thing clear: queer culture isn’t automatically inclusive just because it’s queer. Many cities with large LGBTQ+ populations still struggle with deeply ingrained issues that make some feel alienated rather than accepted.

And yet—people still show up. Still trying to find connection. Still believing that it can be better.

So, Adam4Adam blog readers, what’s your take? Have you ever visited or lived in a place where you felt unwelcome by our community? Do you agree with the callouts above? What makes a gay city or scene toxic for you—and what makes one feel like home?

Share your stories in the comments. Let’s talk about what’s working, what’s failing, and what we wish our gay spaces could be.

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