(Photo Credits: Artyart from Shutterstock)
We’ve all had those moments where we wonder: Am I doing this “gay thing” right? Maybe you’ve never been to a Pride parade. Maybe you didn’t know what “otter” or “power bottom” meant until recently. Or maybe you just don’t care for rainbow merch and can’t tell Versace from Gap.
We all know them—the unwritten rules of gay culture. Whether it’s worshipping Beyoncé, knowing every line from Mean Girls, or busting flawless moves on the dance floor, it sometimes feels like there’s a checklist for being the “right kind” of gay. But what happens when you don’t tick every box? This is the question raised online by a gay man who recently asked, “What’s a ‘gay sin’ you’ve committed that might get your card revoked?” He added, “Let’s be honest, we’ve all got at least one. That one thing that makes other gays go: ‘…babe, are you okay?'”
With that single post, the floodgates opened. Hundreds chimed in, dropping lighthearted “sins” ranging from fashion fails to pop culture betrayals. No gatekeeping, just giggles, gasps, and the occasional digital side-eye.
Let’s start with a classic: the dancing gene. One gay man confessed, “Um…I can’t dance. Does that count?” To which another gay man practically shouted from the digital rooftops, “Thank GOD I’m not alone on this one. I can stand in front of 1,000 people and talk with confidence about almost ANYTHING, but I’ll be damned if I can dance.” And just when you thought the story couldn’t get better, he added: “One time I drunkenly wandered across the dance floor in an attempt to get to the bar to order another drink. So drunk in fact they took my keys to ensure I wouldn’t drive. Imagine my surprise when they called me to the stage to announce I won the dance competition.” Sometimes, sinning pays off—especially if you’re too tipsy to notice.
Then there’s the issue of fashion. One man sheepishly admitted, “I’m bad at fashion. Spent 31 years in the closet and still can’t dress.” This is a reminder that not everyone emerged from the closet with an automatic sense of style. Some of us skipped that download. For every gay man in couture, there’s another one in cargo shorts and a mismatched hoodie wondering why they feel like a fraud at Pride.
Speaking of Pride, one guy admitted they don’t even own a single rainbow item. “I don’t own anything with rainbows on it and don’t particularly like the color scheme,” he said. The horror! But let’s be honest, not everyone wants to walk around looking like Lisa Frank’s dream journal.
Then came the ultimate pop culture confession: “I don’t like RuPaul’s Drag Race lol.” Silence. Then: audible gasps. While many treat Drag Race like sacred text, others simply can’t get into it—and that’s okay. Whether it’s the format, the fanbase, or the wigs, not everyone has to live for the drama, mama.
One particularly heart-wrenching “gay sin” stood out not for its humor but for the vulnerability behind it. “I tattooed ‘straight’ on my chest when I was young because I didn’t want to be gay, lol.” The “lol” does some heavy lifting here, masking years of internalized shame and survival instincts. But this, too, is a part of the gay experience: the things we did to hide, to pass, to survive—and the bittersweet laughter we now use to talk about it.
Then there’s romance. Not everyone is down for the polyamorous revolution. “I don’t like poly relations; I want a man just for me.” While ethical non-monogamy has become more visible and accepted, there are still many who long for that old-school, monogamous kind of love. And guess what? That’s not a sin—it’s just preference.
Body image also made an appearance on the list. One man wrote plainly, “I’m fat.” It may seem like an odd confession, but it speaks to the often unspoken standards of attractiveness in gay culture. To admit this out loud is, sadly, still treated like a breach of some unwritten code. But being fat isn’t a sin. Fat is just fat—and we all deserve love, desire, and dignity like any other guy with different body type.
And in a confession that might earn side-eyes from some corners of the internet, one guy bravely shared, “Twink porn turn me off.” In a world where youthful, hairless bodies are often fetishized and centered, it’s refreshing—and relieving—for some to hear that preferences do vary widely. The gay community, after all, is not a monolith. We’re a mosaic.
So, what about you, Adam4Adam readers. What’s your so-called “gay sin”? The pop song you never learned? The Pride event you’ve never attended? The celeb crush that might get your card snatched? Drop your stories in the comments section down below. Let’s laugh, reflect, and celebrate the full, flawed, fabulous spectrum of who we are.
Clearly this is written by a younger gay , I’m the Barbra Streisand generation, I’ve never been to a pride parade, can’t dance, could care less about fashion but do dress up once in a while. it happens to us all, aging out, even the good looking gays age out. though I don’t like that kind of music my big gay sin is I’ve had a thing for Tommy Lee even before his porn tape, always thought he was hot and sexy and yes he’s my age and I;d still let him hit it.
My life is a zone without: Celebrity, Diva or fashion worship.Favorite music being Disco, Diva or Pop.Attractions to feminine men, Trans individuals and Twink “boys”.Referring to a friend as “Babe”, “Baby”, “Girl”, “Girlfriend”, or “Honey”.Bathhouses, Clubs, Gay bars, and “Gay Friendly” gyms.Participating in group protests and group bans on businesses, politicians, or individuals that do not conform the agenda of “The Community”.Participating in PRIDE events and displaying the rainbow or rainbow flags.The notion that you are anti-LGTBQ+ if you are not a Liberal, Progressive Democrat.The notion that you are anti-LGTBQ+ if you practice any religion (especially Christianity).The notion that my… Read more »
Since the post pasted stupidly, one more try: My life is a zone without: Celebrity, Diva or fashion worship. Favorite music being Disco, Diva or Pop. Attractions to feminine men, Trans individuals and Twink “boys”. Referring to a friend as “Babe”, “Baby”, “Girl”, “Girlfriend”, or “Honey”. Bathhouses, Clubs, Gay bars, and “Gay Friendly” gyms. Participating in group protests and group bans on businesses, politicians, or individuals that do not conform the agenda of “The Community”. Participating in PRIDE events and displaying the rainbow or rainbow flags. The notion that you are anti-LGTBQ+ if you are not a Liberal, Progressive Democrat.… Read more »
In other words, you are a right-wing MAGA troll sent here in the guise of “thinking outside the box” to not so subtly articulate the anti-gay, ant- civil rights, and anti-economic justice program, a/k/a rolling back FDR’s New Deal and LBJ’s Great Society (which David stockman stated as reagans OMB director was the goal in 1983, platform that the Republican whores have been promoting for their John billionaires ever since the Powell Memo that got him a seat on the Supreme Court. To delete you is to be censored. To read you is an insult to intelligence. Focus group talking… Read more »
the real lifestyle is going out into the public domain with you back straight, your head held high and you eyes focused. you live, day to day and that is the life then one day you die and both the life & style die with you
The most gay thing I do is go to pride alone, look at the couples and the queens and get shook and end up in my feelings sad that I never got to be gay.
Closet gays. Send them to Prager U (ask for the Mike Pence special).
Noticed that the baiting pic here was of three, well-built, bearded, leathered guys at a Gay event, obviously. If you saw them around town they wouldn’t be wiggling their hips, limp-wristing, or wailing in high-pitched voices in public. That’s “UNGAY”, the things acceptance are made if.
I have zero gay friends. I do not go to gay businesses (ie clubs, bars, gyms, shopping)
My list consists of a plethora of character traits that o don’t participate in…from a propensity of wearing leather at bars, bathrooms or bedrooms orgay events to my mannerisms in my speech or body language to identifying my sexual preference in light or in-depth conversations…If someone asks me about my sexual identity, then, I will tell that person that I’m bi and, should my answer lead to more questions, then, I will give answers as long as that person is comfortable to chat about his or her sexual preference. Tit for tat has become more commonplace in my convos either… Read more »
We are a gay couple but my partner and
I definitely do not live the gay “lifestyle”. We work on our cars, do yardwork, chop and stack wood, do plumbing and painting. So all kinds of “straight” stuff. We don’t like drag, don’t do rainbows, couldn’t care less about fashion. We are not the stereotypical type of gays, and that’s ok. Different strokes for different folks.
The problem with the question is there is NO NEED to do anything. But it’s necessary for everyone to have dignity, and to sparkle if and when they want to do so– and only then. If you want to be in style, do it. If not, don’t do it. The rules are: Be Yourself, Whatever That Is. Do you want to be identified with a faction or tribe? Do it. Or not. Don’t diss people that don’t give off the fashion statement of a tribe you belong to. Respect is key. Be highly visible, or subtle, or anon. It shouldn’t… Read more »
Being gay simply means that you, a male, were born with an attraction to other males. It’s your sexual orientation. That’s it. Period. All of the other things like fashion or music preferences, taking part in various events or activities, or the restaurants and venues that you frequent are creations of society and what evolves as being “expected” of a gay, or someone’s depiction of what gay is “supposed” to be like. If you happen to be gay (like I am), then there is no “ungay” habit as suggested above. Seeing it that way only serves to erode the view… Read more »
“We’re a mosiac” while using only pics of ‘hot’ men here
As a gay black man, it never crossed my mind to have to “blend in” with the stereotypical perspective of a gay lifestyle unless it’s something that I have interest in. I’m not feminine in any way, I don’t dress up in drag, have no desires to wear rainbow-themed attire or accessories, etc. I would like to attend one Pride parade one day to test out the festivities and the “fun” atmosphere surrounding it. I’m just living my life to the best of my abilities and have no interest in being forced into something that’ll make me feel uncomfortable. I… Read more »