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How honest are we really—whether it’s with a date, a hookup, or chatting on Adam4Adam?
We are asking because apparently in the world of gay dating, sex, and relationships, honesty is not always practiced. Whether we’re trying to be polite, spare someone’s feelings, or dodge an awkward moment, little white lies have a way of slipping out. Sometimes it’s to avoid drama, other times to keep our options open. Whatever the reason, most of us have heard—or said—the same familiar lines.
Anyway, we are bringing this up because recently, a gay man online asked a question that struck a chord to many: “What are the biggest lies gays tell?” He added:
I think the most common ones I’ve heard are:
I got tested last week
I’ve never done this before
Let’s hang out soon
What have you heard?
As expected, the replies came pouring in—and they were as brutally honest as they were relatable.
One gay man admitted to hearing this all-too-familiar line: “I had a great time.” This response garnered a comment from someone who heard this all too many times: “Oh my god… the number of times I’ve been told ‘I had a great time’ or ‘let’s do this again soon’ after a hookup, and then I get ignored when I message them a few weeks later, and get ignored again when I message them a few months later… like, if you aren’t interested in meeting up again, that’s fine, you just don’t have to say anything.”
Another popular one? “I’ll text you!” We all know how that one goes. Sometimes it’s genuine. Other times… ghosted before the drinks even wear off.
And then there are the lies we tell ourselves and others to sound more evolved or body-positive than we really are: “I don’t care about looks.” And “I don’t care about size.” This one, too: “I like all body types.” Comments to these ranged from amused to cynical, with many saying they’ve heard these lines right before being ignored for not fitting a certain ideal.
The truth is, most of us have probably said one or more of these things—maybe to be kind, maybe to avoid hurting someone, maybe to get what we want. But it raises questions: Do we lie because we’re afraid of honesty, or because we’re trying to protect ourselves from judgment?
What about you, Adam4Adam blog readers. What’s the biggest lie you’ve ever heard in the gay dating world? Have you ever said one of these lines yourself? When is it okay to lie—and when does it cross a line? Share your thoughts and stories in the comments section down below.
I fell for “I’m single”.
Turns out I was made to feel special because he was currently fighting with real bf.
So “dumped me@“ because they resolved things.
This is one of the biggest lie I hear all the time but I don’t fall for it because, I could care less. The biggest darn lie I hear is being told, “I’m not really sexually active and it’s been over 6 months since I had sex”. Lying their azz off.
straight = great
bi = better
gay = best
Simple answer on the A4A site? Yes, I’d like to see you again
Here’s a couple that have had devastating effects on my life:
1) “I love you” and 2) “You’re the only one.”
The safe money is that we’ve all been victims of these. And that they are predictors of ghosting soon to come. Eventually, I’ll tell myself “Good riddance!”, but am still left with the feeling that I didn’t actually fall in love, but I sure did step in it!
for me it’s dick size and body type and age…in other words, everything….LOL
“I’ll be there”
“I am looking for a relationship.” – HA! most men don’t even KNOW what that means nor what it ACTUALLY TAKES to wanting/having one….