(Photo Credits: insta_photos from Shutterstock)
How honest are we really—whether it’s with a date, a hookup, or chatting on Adam4Adam?
We are asking because apparently in the world of gay dating, sex, and relationships, honesty is not always practiced. Whether we’re trying to be polite, spare someone’s feelings, or dodge an awkward moment, little white lies have a way of slipping out. Sometimes it’s to avoid drama, other times to keep our options open. Whatever the reason, most of us have heard—or said—the same familiar lines.
Anyway, we are bringing this up because recently, a gay man online asked a question that struck a chord to many: “What are the biggest lies gays tell?” He added:
I think the most common ones I’ve heard are:
I got tested last week
I’ve never done this before
Let’s hang out soon
What have you heard?
As expected, the replies came pouring in—and they were as brutally honest as they were relatable.
One gay man admitted to hearing this all-too-familiar line: “I had a great time.” This response garnered a comment from someone who heard this all too many times: “Oh my god… the number of times I’ve been told ‘I had a great time’ or ‘let’s do this again soon’ after a hookup, and then I get ignored when I message them a few weeks later, and get ignored again when I message them a few months later… like, if you aren’t interested in meeting up again, that’s fine, you just don’t have to say anything.”
Another popular one? “I’ll text you!” We all know how that one goes. Sometimes it’s genuine. Other times… ghosted before the drinks even wear off.
And then there are the lies we tell ourselves and others to sound more evolved or body-positive than we really are: “I don’t care about looks.” And “I don’t care about size.” This one, too: “I like all body types.” Comments to these ranged from amused to cynical, with many saying they’ve heard these lines right before being ignored for not fitting a certain ideal.
The truth is, most of us have probably said one or more of these things—maybe to be kind, maybe to avoid hurting someone, maybe to get what we want. But it raises questions: Do we lie because we’re afraid of honesty, or because we’re trying to protect ourselves from judgment?
What about you, Adam4Adam blog readers. What’s the biggest lie you’ve ever heard in the gay dating world? Have you ever said one of these lines yourself? When is it okay to lie—and when does it cross a line? Share your thoughts and stories in the comments section down below.
I fell for “I’m single”.
Turns out I was made to feel special because he was currently fighting with real bf.
So “dumped me@“ because they resolved things.
This is one of the biggest lie I hear all the time but I don’t fall for it because, I could care less. The biggest darn lie I hear is being told, “I’m not really sexually active and it’s been over 6 months since I had sex”. Lying their azz off.
straight = great
bi = better
gay = best
Simple answer on the A4A site? Yes, I’d like to see you again
Here’s a couple that have had devastating effects on my life:
1) “I love you” and 2) “You’re the only one.”
The safe money is that we’ve all been victims of these. And that they are predictors of ghosting soon to come. Eventually, I’ll tell myself “Good riddance!”, but am still left with the feeling that I didn’t actually fall in love, but I sure did step in it!
for me it’s dick size and body type and age…in other words, everything….LOL
“I’ll be there”
…and they don’t show up! Or, we leave off in our a4a chats “let’s discuss on here tomorrow and finalize” and they don’t log in and just disappear on me. Irritating to say the least.
“I am looking for a relationship.” – HA! most men don’t even KNOW what that means nor what it ACTUALLY TAKES to wanting/having one….
For me it’s dick size
Hookup lie: “I’m just going to jump in the shower.“
I’ve been lied to just about everything. From I had a great time to I don’t do this during intercourse. It ceases to amaze me that people lie about stupid and silly bs. If you’re not interested, just have the balls and say so. Quit being rude and ignoring like a coward. So disrespectful!
Political Correctness demands involvement and so we all play-the-game. some do it better than others so the degree and ingenuity of bullshit ebbs and flows…accordingly… .
How would you ever be able to tell whether “I had a great time” was a lie? Are you claiming to be able to read other people’s minds?
Perhaps, he is The Great Nostradamus in disguise?
He’s not.
Perhaps, he consulted Nostradamus? Perhaps, he had access to a Crystal Ball? Tea Leaves? Tarot Cards? Coffee Grinds? Ouija Board? Palm Reader? A Visitation?
I’m on my way
“Gay men … keep falling for…” A big lie for me is that “Gay men fall” for any of an assortment of issues. An idea promoted by “The Community” that Gay men flitter through their lives subject to an assortment of waves over which they have no control. Society blows them around like tumbleweeds. In they end they’re helpless victims of whatever is thrown on them. Never to be truly happy. They “fall for lies”. They “fall of Straight guys”. They “fall” for some guy and “find” themselves used and abused (physically and/or emotionally). They “fall” for a “great new… Read more »
When they say they’re looking for love and commitment but they’re in Yemen or Dubai at the moment om secret ops.
OR, home on leave but stationed overseas!
yes
I’d like to meet or it would be fun to meet but makes no effort to do so!
I expect you to weigh more than you say. I expect your cock to be smaller than what you say. Muscular, jock, fit & slender have also become more subjective terms over the years. I do not understand how you can be that tall? I’m barefoot, you have shoes on, I’m taller than you. There’s a mirror by my front door. Really obvious when you’re saying good bye. You are not as tall as you say. Still fun.
I don’t like it when the younger guys lead on an older guy, goes on for a couple of hours, or even days, and then they ghost you. It’s like a mean, nasty game. They don’t understand that one day they’re going to be older, And I pray to God!, That somebody does the same thing to them.
lookup “breadcrumming”
Weight: X (whatever it is, add 5-30 lbs.)
Age: X (whatever it is, add 5-20 yrs.)
“No, I’m not seeing anyone.”
“I’m not on here to just chat.”
“I’ll be right over.”
“I got lost/couldn’t find your place.”
“Nah, age is just a number.”
“I don’t HAVE to take drugs.”
“I don’t HAVE to cross-dress.”
And those are just the ones I can think of right off the bat!
Age.
It’s always their age. But at my age, which is 47, I no longer give a fuck!!!
I used to get worked up about it when I was in my 20s and 30s. Now, it’s whatever.
If you look good, then you look good. Just be legal.
However, I’m not looking for a senior citizen. At a certain point, you can’t get away with lying about your age.
DDF, usually from the “Depends” or “On PreP” crowd.
”No no….im comfortable with who I am….i just don’t feel the need to throw it in people’s faces”.
I’m just past the club/bar scene. Meanwhile they are on every gay internet sex site known to man. Usually the local town whore with community mattress.
The same thing that my ex-wife of 20 years said: I love you. The best way a top gets fuk’d EVERY TIME…emotionally, socially, mentally, spiritually, physically and, last but not least, financially. I’ve seen, felt and dealt with both semesters and with the other side of a coin called Love. The Hate coin only has one side. Think about it! ‘Nuf said.
The biggest lie: I am a real person here on a4a, not a cyber fantasy I created because I am weird and this site is free, and I would like to meet you.. The next biggest lie: I want to get together and plan a meeting but he doesn’t show up. The last biggest lie: I am not looking for generous nor am I from Kansas nor Dubai and the instruction to go to another Google site is to meet you.
distance means nothing when true love is found!
I am mostly a top, but on rare occasions I have an itch to bottom. It literally itches. And I need it scratched. Well, I have fallen for former partners identifying as vers when I met them. My last two relationships were sexually disappointing for me because both partners lied about being versatile. They were big bottoms with big beautiful dicks, which was a turn off because they lied and didn’t want to use those beauties between their thighs. I wanted them about three times within a year’s time to top me, and they weren’t interested. I wouldn’t be surprised… Read more »
HA!
None of these lines are unique to the “gay” world. The straight (and bi) folks are just as busy creating false personas and lines as gays. It is human nature, I fear.