(Photo Credits: nakaridore from Shutterstock)
Getting ghosted hurts. But getting ghosted because you’re “too old” at 29? That hits differently. One gay man shared his recent experience online — and it sparked a bigger conversation about age, attraction, and whether ageism is alive and well in the gay dating scene.
“I got rejected for my age and it is kind of hitting me hard,” the original poster (OP) shared on Reddit. “I was talking with this cute 39-year-old even exchanged face pics and all, he liked and complimented [me] a lot, emphasizing on looking young. We kept talking for days and then he actually asked me how old I was, and I said 29. And I got the weirdest response like ‘Ah you are already older… I thought you were 22’ and I got massively ghosted.”
The guy added, “I feel so bad, I already feel so old because I am approaching 30 and have conquered anything on my life yet (life sucks since 2020) and it just made me sad and for the first time I was rejected because of my age. Fucking sucks.”
His story struck a nerve with many gay men online — especially those who know what it’s like to deal with ageism in dating.
One guy replied bluntly: “I mean do you really want anything to do with someone so shallow?” A fair point — why chase after someone who’s clearly only interested in a certain number, not in who you are?
Another advised: “Put your age in your profile. It will weed out the unwanted who will waste your time.” It’s practical advice that not only saves time but also emotional energy.
Meanwhile, the others were more concerned about the red flags in the older guy’s behavior. “I think it’s more creepy that 29 is too old for a near 40-year-old. Congrats, you look young for your age and you dodged a bullet,” one commenter said. Another added: “He wants you young and dumb because he isn’t worth the time for someone who actually has life experience.”
In addition, many more gay men wondered why a 39-year-old would be specifically looking for someone as young as 22. “Now that’s just creepy why did he was someone as young as 22? Did he want someone easy to manipulate?” one person asked.
But not all stories about age gaps are bad. One older gay man shared his own experience to encourage the original poster: “Dude – I just turned 50. My BF will be turning 31 soon. Don’t let one experience get you down. I am not comfortable with the age gap but he totally is. They will be at ours and other ages some day and regret how they treated some of us.”
Another guy reminded him that turning 30 is not the end of the world: “You’re going through midlife crisis, who accomplishes anything by 30? I started a successful 2nd career in my 40s. Stop it. You’re too young to know what you don’t know. I’m over 50 now and I’m not even feeling old!”
And one final piece of advice stood out: “Now he’s shown you who he is. Believe him.”
Having said all that, Adam4Adam blog readers, is there an age when dating suddenly gets harder?
Moreover, have you ever been rejected because of your age? How did it make you feel? Do you think age should matter in dating? Or do you believe attraction shouldn’t come with a number attached? Lastly, how much of an age gap is okay for you? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section down below — we’d love to hear from you.
I’m currently in “Gay Limbo”.
Turning 51 later this year, I’m too old for some, but I’m not interested in those older than me.
What a shame. You don’t know what you’re missing then.
As I’ve posted before, my dating life started after I graduated college & only lasted 3 years (which was 29 years ago).
Not only is it difficult to date/be in a relationship, can’t even get people to just fool around or go for coffee.
what you ascertained is a reality of our time. it is the immediacy of instant communication and micro concentration. everything is reduced to here and now…not later
I’m not interested in those that are older than me, I’m 64 now. I’m not sorry; genetics haven’t been kind to many men, I’m really thanking ma’ and pops for their genes! I’ve pretty much always preferred another man my age 60’s especially now. Also, way too many put too much, of an emphasis on looks, ALONE, one should have cultivated a decent well-rounded personality at our ages. If your homo-life, has only been about the sex, because of your physicality/beauty and now, that’s out the window-gone with the winds of time; then you’re not desirable to anyone for any… Read more »
I’m admittedly one of those who eats with his eyes. I’m 65 and prefer guys from early 20s to mid 40s. For me, priority #1 is safety; #2 is boyish looks and #3 is being honest/friendly/reliable.
That all said, being 65, have I ever been rejected by, say, a 25-year-old? HAHA – of course!
I’ve only ever been rejected for not having enough muscle (and they tell me that, so there’s no confusion). Admittedly I’ve rejected guys for the same reason so I am just as shallow, and, honestly, I care more about that than age for a fling. If a guy is 60 or 22 but super built, then I’ll still be superficially into him. But if he’s childish, vacuous, dishonest, or unforgiving then I don’t care what he looks like: I won’t be into him. Ultimately, I’d rather be with someone with whom I can be fully authentic than with someone super… Read more »
Age up or down, this site and all the others are huge ghosting fields.
So Damn True Roger
I’m at the age of 40 now, look like in mid 20s, very fit and hung… But I can see where some kids in 20s would feel I’m too old even when I look much younger and so fit. Me personally, I’m not guys old enough to be my father… Generally I’m into guys 25-45
Believe me, you do not look like you’re in your mid-20’s. You might believe that and good for you! but you look like you’re 40. I’ll give you late 30’s, maybe, but mid-20s?
age = a noose or a ribbon?
I don’t really care about age too much. A little bit about looks but personality means alot more. I do have a thing for older men though. Don’t get me wrong, younger is nice. Older where it’s at for me. More experienced, know what they want, and they know good things to do in bed. Plus, although I’m not into obese, a little bit of a belly is good. I like to feel some weight on top of me. If the are clean and disease free,,,, yes please. So older guys if you are looking in the northern Virginia and… Read more »
As an open minded older guy (64) age is never a factor im sure guys arent interested at times due to my age but honestly ive had very good ecperiences with guys half my age
At age 73 I am the discriminator. My profile makes it clear that my interest in men begins when THEY are at least 45. No apologies.
Y am 70, but who meet me says I look 50, great ego booster, lol! I’m Bisexual, and generally I like being with younger men/women. But at my age most don’t have interest in me. I recently met a young girl (25) on a game I play, she knows what I look like and she is fine withe. Now, I know this is a gay site, I also have 2 guys that are FWB, we get together often, one is gay and 34, the other is Bi and 50. But, at my age I don’t. I’m interested in guys/gals my… Read more »
I have always loved men who were older than me. I have found that they have more to offer emotionally and intellectually. My experience has been that these men are more stable and have enough experience to be comfortable in who they are. I find that level of confidence to be very appealing. I think age is just a number since I have met some men who were younger and were well-rounded and stable. However, most men who are in that category are older. People connect with whomever makes them feel good and happy, regardless of age.
I was married until my mid-50s and never experimented with men until my marriage was over. So, I have been rejected by many who find me to be too old. It’s interesting because I am often told that I look 15 years younger than my actual age. On the other hand, I have rejected some who I consider to be too young. I’m not interested in being arrested for the delinquency of a minor.
Now you know why they’re not called “jail bait” for nothing!
oh yes i have been it is what it is but there are a lot of younger men that like older men for sex
Hi, 43 years old here. Have been rejected because of my age? Yup! By men my own age. As well as by men who are younger than I. Can it get you down? Of course, however, I also know it’s their loss, not mine. I’ve been rejected because of my race, disability, body type, height, you name it. I also believe that while getting older ain’t for sissies. It’s not the end of the world either. Yes, the quality of your life changes. But it’s suppose to. Think about it if we’re trapped forever in our 20’s or 30’s. I… Read more »
Hmm… Never saw it that way!
I’ve read almost everyone’s comments, and it looks like I’m one of the very few younger guys of 20s and 30s here so I kinda feel a bit out of place amongst everyone here 🙁 but aside from that, I personally haven’t experienced much rejection due to my age, though on rare occasions I’ve have come across other young guys that prefer guys 50 and older rather than guys like me who they share the same age group with. I myself have been guilty of rejecting guys 70 and up and feel bad when I do simply because they’re way… Read more »
I wouldn’t consider myself as picky as others on here (& have had them comment that that’s why I’m single (still can’t figure that logic out)).
I’m pretty much not a very picky person either, just have certain boundaries and standards that I wouldn’t cross. If anyone’s commenting you as to why you are single for not being as picky compared to others is probably why they’re still single to be honest. Being less picky is actually a good trait to have, so ignore the ones that believe having high a maintenance type of attitude would get them a man to fall in love with them verses a morally realistic type of person that looks beyond the glamour and expectations who really takes the time to… Read more »
I’m picky too, as well as I should be, considering. It’s not soley based on the physical for me either, but it definitely counts. I LOVE a grounded, down to earth, spiritual, masculine man, who is comfortable with himself, non-pretentious, not fake or materially obsessed, shallow. These are signs of a very intelligent man, I like, I like, I like. I’ve met many men of significant means, some are/were attractive, my age group, didn’t like their personalities; they ‘became’ their money which is a real turnoff to someone like me. But I digress, I’m difficult for a lot of men… Read more »
I thought I posted this earlier.
The profile of the person who said I was picky:
Looking for a guy 21-23, 150 lbs., 6’ tall, 1 particular race, blonde/blue, athletic/muscular with 6 pack, 7+”.
If the TOTAL LGBTQIA+ is 10-15% of the population, tell me HOW MANY would fit that description.
…in your city or close by. This guy sounds very particular, perhaps setting himself up for failure. How about no ages on profiles? I have never looked my age and have attracted guys of all ages based on profile pictures. I’ve always found it odd that guys who learn my age online and blow me off are almost always the guys who try to pick me up at a local bar. Why is this? Behaviors displayed behind a keyboard are starkly different than those in person, where real human interactions are at play. Perhaps guys should consider time away from… Read more »
I’m not sure where that guy was located other than it wasn’t in the same state as me. But you’re right that I was confused whether to be offended he called me “picky”, or curious to his search results even matching. I just remembered another thing: this guy was ~10-20 years OLDER than me. So, try thinking of a young man with that body description interested in somebody 50+ (not saying they don’t exist, just that his successful search % just got even smaller). My thinking is that you need to completely fill out your profile & what you’re attracted… Read more »
In that frame of age and mind, ‘why’ would you be with someone who’s 70, it wouldn’t normal; don’t feel bad about that, man, it’s just way too big of an age and physical difference. Don’t feel bad about being where you are in your journey. Age has EVERYTHING to do with the physical attraction, that being first and foremost, then, everything else comes into play, unless of course, one would be that shallow to disregard the deeper mental attraction; beyond the physical. Remember, if you ever knew, this is about NATURE that drives humans to procreate, that’s ‘why’ we… Read more »
Absolutely, I have been rejected because of age. I have also done the rejecting because of age. Honestly it doesn’t bother me, we are all attracted to a certain look. If we do not meet the look that they are looking for or they don’t meet the look we are looking for, most of us will decline. Fact of life. All good.
Wow, after reading all the comments posted, all I can say is what a shallow bunch of individuals are here. Like most, I’m on this site looking for sex, not a life-long partner. Turn out the lights and everyone is beautiful. Be a good kisser, give me a good lay and a great blow job and I don’t care how old you are. All you picky guys out there…..know what you are? Great masturbators.
with vivid imaginations & diaries?
At my age (77) I don’t get a lot of serious offers to play. I do get a lot of younger guys that like to talk. I think it’s more accurate to say tease the older guy and get themselves off. I do have a younger friend ( he’s 72 ) and we have a great time together. I usually top.
A decade or so ago, two guys (now FWBs) separately hit me up. Late 20s they were when I was in my early 50s. Both had careers, had places of their own, and did not seek an emotional or Sugar Daddy. The both said they were done with guys their own age because most of them were flakes, they were only interested in their own quick gratification, and not good when it came to sex. The two wanted to get to know older guys who they found to be stable, sexually experienced, responsible, and respectful. They’re just outside of “local”… Read more »
Not only being an older gay man gets rejected by the younger gay men, because I’m interested in them, I’m mostly rejected by almost all men because I am a deaf person. Guys don’t know what they’re missing in me if I’m not with them. I’ve been told I suck well with my mouth and that my ass is a good place to put their dick in. I’m not interested in older either. But some times, I will service an older guy just to make myself and him happy. But being rejected often is a very tough thing to handle… Read more »
Probably, but I don’t really pursue people, so I don’t know if they would reject me or not, depends I guess. Though as I approached my late 50s and now pushing 60, I noticed younger guys checking me out and smiling at me. It’s flattering but I just acknowledge them with a nod and smile and keep it moving, the reason why I’m alone. I’m afraid of potential rejection and drama I guess. Been there and don’t want to go back to it, regardless of age.
Rejected because of my age? Not yet. (62 here.) But if I am, who cares? It’s like any attraction (tall, short, chubby, skinny, bald, hairy, etc. etc.), it will work out, or not, for a variety of reasons. My profile contains my true age so it’s not a surprise should we ever meet. I’m not sure it’s true that as you age, you have less options, but that might depend on what option you’re seeking. Maybe age is a factor when you’re looking for a partner?? I’m not looking for a SO or LTR – just a roll in the… Read more »
no, never been rejected for my age, but almost always get rejected for MY LOOKS, MY APPEARANCE .. and when i do, i don’t fret, i just whip out my dick and i jackkitt good, honey! i like to call it my “personal rejection jacking session”, i think about the guy who rejected me and i wankkitt to him .. it makes me feel good for a few minutes, hey, at least it’s better than feeling sorry for myself, right?
Yea all the time