(Photo Credits: mavo from Shutterstock)
A frustrated gay man asked the question above online, he also quipped: “And why in God’s heaven do these sparks keep happening?” And then he added:
Thanks to everyone who has responded. I posted this because I’m a vers bottom and actually enjoy topping from time to time. I started dating a great guy and we had a great connection. He’s a bottom and said he got turned off at the idea that I bottom too.
Bottoming is not a sexuality, but why does this keep happening, where most bottoms are so acclimated to the idea of the other guy being a total top or nothing goes?
For our A4A blog readers who are bottom, is a fellow bottom guy a turn off for you? Anyway, we’ve gathered what some gay men online think about this issue. One guy in particular suggested that for this relationship to work, the couple must, “Buy a double ended dildo and have at it.”
Another gay man pointed out, “I swear why does every gay dude think being a bottom is a personality. Y’all got cocks don’t ya? Lesbians don’t have this issue.”
Meanwhile, a total bottom said, “I mean, most dude’s butts just don’t do it for me outside of porn. Yes, many are versatile, but some of us just plain ol’ prefer to bottom and like it that way.” This comment earned another response in agreement: “I always get turned off as soon as I’m about to put it in to be honest. There’s something about assholes that I just can’t seem to like.”
As to whether two bottoms can make a relationship work or not, one guy replied, “I absolutely HATE that gays have started treating being top, bottom, vers as a sexuality itself. It’s just a freaking position. I identified as a bottom only because it was generally less work and I was insecure about how long I would last.” He added, “I really hit off with another bottom once so both of us just switched up from time to time.”
It would seem that he’s not alone in this opinion as another guy replied, “You can use toys, your mouths, your fingers, let your imagination run wild and enjoy the process, it’s sad that 2 guys who have great chemistry can’t be together for something as trivial as their role.”
What about you, guys? What are your thoughts on this one? Do you agree with the others that two bottoms can make a relationship work? How? Share with us your advice and stories in the comments section below!
Wow! Sex should not be this hard!! To make this work requires two guys that want to have sex with each!! How they accomplish that depends on how well the two guys can work together that both parties enjoy the experience and are satisfied at some level! As was noted in the article, there are all kinds of ways two bottoms can give each other pleasure. Toys, hj, etc. We are talking about a position to have sex and receive pleasure. If you want to have sex with a guy, use your imagination and enjoy each other!!
I totally agree with you. I am not sure why folks make this a whole lot harder than it needs to be. lol I’ve had a bottom top me before. and I’ve had a top bottom for me before. It’s all about chemistry and having fun. It shouldn’t be a 300 page manual explaining sexual positions. nor should it be a long list of unnecessary expectations. For me, it’s as simple as going with the flow.
Yet another blog topic with the picture of another pair of white, young gay boys. One would think being gay meant you were white, young, had every hair groomed like a model and … were totally committed to the belief that good sex was limited to anal and being a bottom. Many Gay guys and the Gaystream Media, need to get their heads out of their asses when it comes to not only how varied Gay guys are physically, mentally, politically, culturally, etc., but also how varied when it comes to sex. “Total Bottoms” are only a fraction of the… Read more »
if THAT complicated, then flip a coin and choose heads or tails, tails wins and gets fucked, honey!
Ah, a really worthy subject, considering. One said, “it’s less work-topping” which confirms what I had suspected about many, is that just laziness and/or narcissism or both and sometimes, a cultural taboo? Honestly, nobody, has ever wanted to actually top me anyway for the most part. But here’s the thing with me; I’ve NEVER used my hands to masturbate, I’m a humper-period. I hump whatever feels good to hump (the body is a playground-John Meyer), lmao, so the whole bottom thing anally, is not for me, period. However, my lovers loved to eat my ass, and I like being fingered.… Read more »
Actually, John Mayer said “Your body is a wonderland”
Exactly, thanks for the correction.
Maybe I’m naive, maybe I’m just too much of an outsider since I’m BiMarried-discreet, but sexually speaking, I don’t understand the point of “total bottoms” and their roles, their obedience, etc. For me, being mostly a top but sometimes willing to take it up the ass too, I just like to get in bed w/ a guy and see what happens with us; no agenda. And if I’m in “bottom mode,” we could do plenty else happily if the other guy is also a bottom.
Bottoms do make it work. This hits at the great divide in the community here… 1) here for fun (gloryhole to FB), and 2) here for relationship (anywhere from FWB to marriage). I’ve been active with men for about 4 years, a late bloomer, so to speak. Being here for fun often focuses on meeting a guy’s own needs. I saw this with my early experiences when guys did not seem to care about the other party outside of looks and cock size, or perhaps a given bent (sorry for the pun). Self-satisfaction seemed to rule the experience. However, finding… Read more »
Just as long as there are suitable “Toys-In-The-Chest”?
PS.:
And an available “Battery Charger” nearby, too!
I personally think the key unmentioned word is “total”. I don’t think 2 total bottoms guys can survive in a monogamous relationship. I think 2 bottom guys that can top could work in a relationship. I met some bottoms with nice size dicks that told me they can and do top every now and then, but prefer to be labeled as bottom. I think 2 “total” bottom guys in a relationship would have to invite a top guy over from time to time or attend sex parties together or separate when they want good real anal sex.
There is, always, the customary “Dildo” or “Anal Wand” to Come-To-The Rescue when necessary…
Not-To-Mention;;;
any of –
ten fingers… .
Resourcefulness and Adoptability will provide whatever solution works!
Kasper dude, that’s why I ended with “good real anal sex”. I understand we have dildos and fingers of course. Lol. Dildos and fingers cannot duplicate a seasoned top guy, with a 9 inch fat dick, balls deep fucking a total bottom guy in the missionary position, tougue kissing the bottom guy the entire time. He go deeper and deeper absolutely wrecking that wet hole until that total bottom cum hands- free. Am I clear enough now bruh?
I simply commented on alternatives not on whether you prefer this or that or any other
such clarifications.
And you’re absolutely right. There are alternatives. I seen guys with gym bags full of toys, lubes, cock rings, etc. I was just saying two total bottoms (a couple) will need the real thing sooner or later for their relationship to work. I read what Hunter replied to Common cent seeker and was really enlightened with his response. I only give my opinions.
And, your opinions are always well sorted and well presented. Nice to read that
you got the “Gist” of my comment.
It was/is much appreciated, Marcus!
It’s nothin like the real thing,, nothing satisfies a bottom like a real man with a real 9″dick that knows how to use it
can you send that guy over here please 🙂
Not to mention, two people whom just really physically turn each other the fuck-on and actually being in love with each other’s characters, too. “You can work it out” (The Beetles?), unless I’m wrong about the originator of those lyrics, but that’s been my experience, twice.
Came across a profile this week. Attractive guy; nice specs until it’s owner stated “I’m a Total Bottom. Don’t contact me if you don’t know what that means.”
It meant “I’m looking for a hard large cock to plow my hole until my hole is filled with cum. Upon cum delivery, the cock and the guy attached to it can immediately leave.”
There are some Total Tops happy to fulfill this guy’s wants. They are not plentiful in number, however.
I identify as a versatile/top. When guys identifies as versatile but is really a total bottom, it is a turn off to me. I have dated bottoms before, and have some great sex. However, some bottoms lie about being versatile just so they can get laid and then not reciprocate. Personally, I like a partner who can from time-time be versatile, even if he identifies as a bottom. I know a couple of couples who are both bottoms and both tops. One is usually not monogamous. Two bottoms can make it work it they are in an open relationship or… Read more »
Your last point does make sense. I think there should be a follow-up blog to this one on two total 50/50 versatiles in a relationship and all the amazing things they can do together, flipping, taking turns, playing alternating roles, etc.
Agree. Ideal situation. Both be getting everything!!!! Exactly what I’m looking for..Not being conceded, but I would love to find someone that look like me and have my exact personality..
For what this is worth, much of the issue may well be expectations and limitations, biases and fears. All of these produce a form of conditioning, a sort of “learning your place”–which is accepting selfishness–or “demanding your place”–which is claiming selfishness. Let me explain, from experience. Before I ever had sex, before I ever told anyone I was gay, I used to get aroused and imagine topping someone. In those repressed years, I got to where I would suppress this, to the point I couldn’t guarantee keeping it up just on lust alone. When I finally tried sex, I did… Read more »
Gee, I wish I could find a guy with your kind of mindset.
See, this is what I mean, when two guys are genuinely turned on; generous, I think I would call what you described! Respecting each other’s needs and curiosities; brave-honest enough to express it. What you described is utterly positively ideal.
What you experience is a little different than mine, maybe a little bit opposite. What you are saying is like a fairy tale for some of us. When I was younger I was bottoming and topping, but I think I was the one refusing to kiss most guys I hooked up with, til this very day actually. As I matured, I was mostly being chased by bottoms. I got used to it and pretty much became a top by default with versatility tendencies. Not sure if demographics or geographical location actually matters, but in SoCal as a tall slender older… Read more »
I’m a married DL total bottom,,and I prefer total tops ,, I’ve met plenty total tops that will not touch anutha mans dick or let anutha man fuck him,, which is the kinda top I prefer,,and I’m sure it’s plenty bottoms like myself that have no desire to top,,is that the idea of being a bottom? If I want to top I may as well fuck my wife, when I with a man I want to be the one getting fucked, why should I have to or be expected to top when I’m a bottom,, I thought that’s what the… Read more »
honey baby darlin, just side and ORALIZE each other, it’s a more safer form of sex anyways – same goes with two TOPPS, just suck da hell out of each other the SKEET all over da place! less pain, less hassle and all gain
Is this not a psychological attitude? If one embraces a whole person with your heart, isn’t it just about being close with them in any way? The butt is not a vagina. I can’t see how it feels just so great as to be better than oral sex or a hand job. How much of it is from watching too many porn videos that over-emphasize fucking, and fake how “wonderful” it is? I’ve topped a couple of times, and once was nice, the other time I felt nothing. Sexualizing the anus is a conditioning, I think. On the other hands,… Read more »
not every gay man’s life revolves around anal sex
This is off topic but have anyone ever heard that DL, bi, closet bottoms, let DL ,bi closet top know that they are bottoms by having cucumbers in their basket while shopping in the grocery store ?,, meaning that is the DL signal
Everyone is twisting this and missing the point. Which is…DATING: CAN TWO BOTTOMS MAKE A RELATIONSHIP WORK? It just doesn’t work. I have had many friends over the years who have tried it. I may work for a while but then it doesn’t. You can’t help what you like. You can’t help what works for you. It may work for a while but then you can’t help looking for it elsewhere. I am a Top. I’ve tried to bottom probably twice in my life. It’s just not for me. You can’t get a Q Tip up there.
Maybe I’m just getting old (I’m 41), but is sex really this complicated these days? Some guys like to top, some guys like to bottom, and some guys like both. Depending on your partner, you will probably have to compromise sometimes. That was my experience growing up gay. For example, I consider myself a bottom. If I could find a total top, that would be ideal. But has that ever kept me from dating a guy I liked who ALSO considered himself bottom, or versatile? Of course not! These are not sexual identities, they’re sexual positions, which we are supposed… Read more »
Gave this some thought while driving around today …
If two guys break up because one or both of them weren’t getting their anuses and/or colons sufficiently massaged with the right tool(s), they were not, and will NEVER be, “relationship” material. Stay single; hook up; be gay and free. Leave it there.
My husband and I are both bottoms and have been together for 40 years. We are open and polyamorous, which addresses that one issue.