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Some people say things that they don’t realize are offensive, and while they didn’t mean to do so (some of them are even well-meaning), we couldn’t help but feel the negative impact of their comments. This, by the way, is called microaggressions.

According to Sue et al. (2007), as cited by the Psychology Benefits Society,  “microaggressions are the everyday encounters of subtle discrimination that people of various marginalized groups experience throughout their lives.”

What are some examples of this? For one, and I know that most of us if not all, have probably heard of this phrase: “That’s so gay,” and then there’s “No homo!”

Anyway, a number of gay men recently talked about this, thanks to a guy who asked the community:

What are some of the mildly offensive things that straight people naively say to you?

I’m not talking about overt homophobia, but more like some of the little societal micro-aggressions from people who probably mean well. Here are some that I’ve been on the receiving end of:

You’re gay? But you don’t act gay! (When it comes down to it, I act extremely gay.)

Are you and your husband still together? (I think the phrase they’re looking for is How’s your husband doing?)

Oh, My cousin/uncle/accountant is gay! (Do other minorities get this one?)

Really curious which ones you’ve been subjected to!

According to the respondents, here are some of such phrases they’ve heard:

  • “We’re cool as long as you don’t hit on me.”
  • “Would you sleep with a woman if you had to?”
  • “I accept you, it’s not my place to judge, I don’t decide who gets into heaven.”
  • “I don’t hate you; I hate your sin.”
  • “You’re gay, but you’re cool.”
  • “The gay community isn’t the only community you should spend time with…”
  • A girl finds me attractive and I tell her I’m gay. “Ugh. What a waste.”
  • “Hey I have a gay friend you guys should date”
  • “Martial arts? But you’re gay!” 
  • “You’re so handsome. It’s such a pity.”
  • “Who’s the man and who’s the woman?”
  • “I tolerate you.”

What about you, guys? Have you ever been on the receiving end of such comments? Share with us your thoughts and stories in the comments section below!

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