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Why would a guy like you, have sex with you, but not want to date you?
This is the sentiment of a gay man on Reddit who said:
I’m tired being the guy they want to fuck and not the guy they want to date.
I have about six to seven couples, of whom one or both I’m fuck buddies with.
Some I play with separately, some together some both.
And look, I don’t want to complain too much. I know a lot of guys struggle with any kind of sex life and mine is fine.
And with these couples, I get it – you found your person and you’re happy.
But WHY did I meet none of them while they were still single?
WHY does it feel like every single guy besides me just wants to fuck – if they want a relationship, they’re already in one?
WHY do I have to be the guy who everyone loves to fuck with (admittedly, I’m a lot of fun) but it seems NO ONE wants beyond that?
It’s isolating. it’s frustrating. and I just needed to get that out.
Thanks for listening.
Adam4Adam blog readers, do you feel the same way as this guy?
One reader commented on the thread, “If you start meeting single people, you’ll definitely get more luck.” Another replied, “Lol, stop playing with guys who are taken. Problem solved.”
Meanwhile, another gay man pointed out, “People often don’t want to admit sometimes the problem is themselves. I’m not saying you have a bad personality but you may have less than desirable habits or behaviors. It’s often easy to overlook character flaws if all the man is after is sex.” He added, “However I think personal growth should always be sought after cause none of us are perfect. My advice is work on you and you’ll attract a man with a similar mind frame.”
It’s no secret that in modern dating, navigating the complexities of relationships can be challenging, particularly because of the hookup culture prevalent in the gay community. One common scenario that often leaves individuals puzzled is when a guy expresses interest in sexual intimacy but shows no desire for a committed relationship. This phenomenon raises questions about intentions, emotional connections, and the dynamics of casual encounters versus meaningful partnerships.
For many, engaging in sexual activity without the expectation of a romantic relationship is a personal choice influenced by various factors. Some may prioritize physical pleasure and exploration over emotional attachment, seeking gratification without the commitment and responsibilities that come with dating. Others might fear commitment or harbor unresolved emotional issues that make them hesitant to pursue long-term connections.
In the gay community, hookup culture is pervasive, fuelled by the convenience of dating apps and social media platforms that facilitate casual encounters. While these platforms offer opportunities for spontaneous and noncommittal interactions, they can also perpetuate a culture of objectification and superficiality, where individuals are often reduced to their physical attributes rather than valued for their personalities or aspirations.
Moreover, societal norms and stereotypes surrounding masculinity and sexuality can influence how individuals perceive relationships and intimacy. Some may internalize societal expectations that prioritize sexual conquests and promote a detached approach to interactions, leading to a disconnect between physical desires and emotional needs.
Ultimately, understanding why someone may choose sex over dating requires open communication and introspection. While hookup culture offers freedom and flexibility, it’s essential to recognize and respect individual boundaries and preferences. Whether seeking casual encounters or meaningful connections, prioritizing honesty, consent, and mutual respect can foster healthier and more fulfilling relationships in the diverse landscape of modern dating.
Having said all that, what about you, guys? Have you ever felt the same way as OP (original poster)? Share with us your thoughts and stories in the comments section below!
Different horses for different courses!
“For many, engaging in sexual activity without the expectation of a romantic relationship is a personal choice influenced by various factors. Some may prioritize physical pleasure and exploration over emotional attachment, seeking gratification without the commitment and responsibilities that come with dating….”.
THIS
… and, personally I am just fine with it!
reality vs fantasy
Yep. It’s definitely reality. We all want what we want, and there’s no need for armchair psychology if physical needs are all that is desired.
(@@)
I’m only speaking for myself but for some people the only void they might have is the physical and sexual aspect of a relationship. They may have family or love ones that fulfill the void that you are seeking.
Having a relationship is harder and requires more work than having an sexual encounter from time to time.
I typically liked to get with people who appealed to me as friends or acquaintances, as that made us more comfortable and open. But it also made us more resilient, because, honestly, friends overlook and forget things that cause heartburn among lovers. We got the affirmation and the enjoyment, with no jealousy or demands. That was the biggest reason I never bought that old taboo about having sex with friends. Often, such people would be “in love” with someone every few weeks or months. I found less drama with non-exclusive partners. I met one once and we put together a… Read more »
This guy is having sex with COUPLES & wonders why he’s SINGLE?
*SMH*
Some men (Gay or not) only want hookups. Some want Friends With Benefits. Some want a steady emotional partner while also having Friends With Benefits. Some want total emotional and sexual monogamy. Some want polyamorous relationships. There’s no fault in any of those positions. A fault does come into play when guys are not honest and clear about what they seek. I’m a Friends With Benefits guy. I don’t hit up or chat with guys looking for only hookups or guys seeking total monogamy or polyamory. I’ve had some guys be displeased over the years because I wouldn’t “take a… Read more »
This, As a married guy I am always looking for NSA or FWB sex. I clearly state in my profile that am not looking for a relationship. However, I get many guys hitting on me who want a relationship, despite being very upfront and emphasizing my reasons for looking. I also find that many of the encounters end because the guy wants to “take it to a deeper level”. While I like having friends, I am not about to leave my wife to enter in a relationship with a guy. I really wonder about guys that look on a “hookup”… Read more »
Well, since I’m single and not looking for a relationship, I guess I’m in the “just want to fool around” camp. But as someone said earlier, I’m not going to be an armchair psychologist about it. The way I look at it, sometimes sex is just that: sex. I know that might come off as cold, callous and harsh but that’s the gamble one takes when they go on dating websites.
HE IS JUST USING YOU AS A CUM DUMP GIRL…………………….
Well have sex with him, enjoy it and date other people who want to date you!!
It’s you, it’s definitely you. Subconsciously you make yourself unavailable. Try dating single men, you’ll have more opportunities to begin a relationship. Best of luck, and take care.
It’s a definite no for me. Diseases exist…if you can’t commit out of fear or just wanting to use me, keep it moving it. I’m happy with me and respect myself too much to deal with some guy with insecurities or “preferences” or fetish or fantasy. I have happily with no regret turned down an exponentially high amount of men who look good but only see a hole and nothing else. Which they can easily get from one of you. I’ll be single and stress free for life if that’s what it takes. I refused to be a depressed relationship… Read more »
The OP needs to stop expecting everyone else to please him. He needs to grow up and seek the guys he wants. Sure, befriend other guys along the way, but seek those looking to be on the same path he seeks.
Instead of whining, being a victim, and complaining that “the world just isn’t making me happy.”
The OP is having sex with six, seven, or more guys who are couples and then complains that no one wants to date him? Maybe he could find someone to date if he wasn’t so constantly busy having sex with multiple partners who are already in relationships!
Hmm… Why hasn’t anyone yet mentioned closet cases? Here are two examples, both of whom had been 10-year plus “involvements”: One, who after observing a certain pattern of behavior, I asked if we would ever be friends. I wasn’t asking him to marry me or anything; I just wanted friendship. His answer was textbook closest case. He kept muttering repeatedly, “I can’t be friends with a gay! I can’t be friends with a gay!” and beat a hasty retreat. But he kept coming back. I eventually came to realize that this was a married man, something that he at first… Read more »
I see nothing wrong of just have sex and not dating. I perfer than and not be in a relationship. Relationships can get to complicated and just having sex for fon doesn’t to me.
I’m fine with that.
Relationships were easier to have back in the day (70’s-90’s) than they are now.
I never once cheated and neither did they, that I know of. But these days ‘forgetaboutit’ it’s too much bother for the majority, it seems, people are looking for “the easy route” to sex and sex only; more than ever.
I think people have lost something in that, it’s feels grim these days, it’s just flesh, with the majority, so, I chose masturbation, it’s great with someone too, though, but so is actual old-fashion love, just feels good.
“HE WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH ME BUT DOESN’T WANT TO DATE ME?
Where can I meet this man?!?!?!