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Going out should be fun. Whether you’re dancing with friends, meeting someone new, or just soaking up the nightlife, gay bars and clubs are meant to be safe spaces to unwind. But for many in the LGBTQ+ community, especially younger gay men still navigating their social scene, these places can also become dangerous. A recent online warning from a concerned gay man reminds us that predators don’t discriminate—and we need to look out for each other.
“To my gay bros in their 20s, please be careful at bars and clubs,” cautioned one gay man online. “I want to give some advice to you guys who are inexperienced with clubs and bars because I just had to intervene in a bad situation last night.” Further, he shared:
There was a guy who appeared to be in his late 30s flirting with this 22-year-old at the bar, the younger guy walked away from his drink to use the bathroom and I witnessed the other dude slip a mickey in his drink. I told my boyfriend and we immediately went and confronted the bastard who then left swiftly after a few fuck yous and me threatening him. We told the bartender so he could be on the lookout and inform management. When the younger guy got back, we told him what that dude’s intentions for him was, much to his horror.
So please bros if you’re going to go to the club or bars please keep these things in mind.
- Never accept a drink you did not see get made.
- Never walk away from your drink.
- Never allow a stranger to get you wasted, after so many drinks cut it off.
- Go with responsible friends who will look out for you.
We may be men but this shit happens to us too so please be careful out there and use wisdom. This is actually the second instance where I have to intervene and stop someone from getting abused.
Update: The bar turned the drink he spiked and the camera footage of him over to the police and they have a case. I’m also filing a witness report with the police.
His story hit home for many gay men online. One guy commented: “True, if you ever left a drink unattended, just consider them no longer yours anymore. You got to get a fresh glass of whatever you’re drinking when you return.”
Another gay man added from personal experience: “Happened to me twice. It’s why now I always go with the guy who offers to buy me a drink, and watch the drink like a hawk from when the bartender pours it to when it’s in my hand. Also, never ask someone you just met to hold onto your drink, even if you have to use the bathroom. Take that thing with you, it’s not worth the risk.”
This isn’t just paranoia—it’s real. Someone else shared, “I’m 32 and had some older guy keep insisting on buying me a drink, but he wanted to go get it. I’m not taking a drink from you unless I’m standing with you at the bar. This was in St. Pete, FL.”
One guy wasn’t even familiar with the terminology; he asked, “What’s a mickey?” To which the OP replied: “A date rape drug.” Another chimed in: “It’s actually a fairly old-fashioned word/ phrase and not drug specific. Just means to spike someone’s drink.”
Language confusion added to the dark humor, “In Ireland it means penis, so only after reading the other comments did I understand the full story. I just thought he was a pervert.” That same user clarified that in their culture, “getting a mickey means that you’re getting fucked by someone.”
Other stories reminded everyone that this isn’t just a young guy issue. “It’s not just twenty-somethings that get drugged. I got ruffied in NYC. This post goes out to everyone.”
Meanwhile, one chilling reminder stood out in the thread, “Leaving a stranger’s house the next morning having no idea what happened would be the least of the outcomes to worry about. That’s just the better of the outcomes. The worst is ending up as a story on Dateline (and hopefully you managed to live to tell the story instead of someone having to tell it for you).”
This is a public service announcement to all Adam4Adam readers: no matter your age, location, or experience level, your safety comes first. In gay nightlife culture or clubbing culture, it’s easy to believe we’re immune to what straight women are often warned about. But the truth is, anyone can be targeted, including gay men. Watch your drink, stick with friends, and trust your instincts. And if you see something? Say something. You could save a life.
What about you, Adam4Adam blog readers? Have you ever felt unsafe at a club or bar? Have you had to step in for someone else—or wished someone had stepped in for you? What advice would you give to younger members of the community navigating gay nightlife for the first time? Share with us your thoughts and stories in the comments section below!
Females, in particular, are fed a “Mickey” or a “Drug Date Rape”. It is an unfortunate reality when transversing the social scene. Straight or Gay, it is situational and predatory. Glad the story had an Happy Ending.
“Date Rape Drug” is correct not “Drug Date Rape”. sorry for the mistake.
in Los Angeles, the bars have to provide lids for for your drink. This is law! Also, I recommend buying your own test strips to take with you when clubbing. The establishment is suppose to provide them but it’s a smart investment to keep them on-the-go! I don’t even trust bartenders as much, these days.
Years ago, my ex said his drink was spiked… he went out with a few friends and he said he felt woozy after having a drink.. next thing you know he passed out, woke up with his clothes off… as a result of the assault he contracted crabs, and unfortunately passed it on to me. It took him sometime to tell me, by then I already had crabs… (the itching was unbearable) I can’t recall if he went to police about, or if he was too traumatized to pursue charges. He was heavily closested, still is to this day. I… Read more »
Sounds like he played you. No one would get sexually assaulted then run home and have sex again. Seems like he was tricking on you and got burned with crabs. If you lie about your lifestyle you will lie about infidelity.
Any guy venturing out to bars/clubs on his own (whether inexperienced or not) is opening himself up to risks: being drugged, robbed, assaulted; STDs … to mention a few. There are options. One is use A4A (or another site) to arrange a meeting at a public place (for coffee, ice cream, a light meal, a sporting event, farmers market, etc.) where each pays his own way) that give you time to talk, get eye-to-eye, and get feelings about each other (intuition is your friend, btw). Sketchy guys (guys who’d drug you, rob your assault you, or knowingly infect you) will… Read more »
The “things in mind” list here is nice. But the potential victim is already in the lair. Better, A4A stops promoting bars, clubs, drinking by strangers as the only way to meet? There are other ways to meet, many that result in great friendships and more. A4A should ask guys where and how they formed relationships OUTSIDE of bars and clubs.
Pretty SAD and pathetic when you have to DRUG SOMEONE to have some sex in your life!!! Man, you might as well JUST cut it off if you’re THAT desperate and your HANDS aren’t doing it for ya 🙁
When you visit a place within the public domain, you encounter a member of the general public. you can’t live in a bubble so you take your chances but minimize your risks. An adventure has its thrills and its kills.
I must honestly say that I haven’t seen this happen to anyone…then again, since I haven’t been going to gay bars in over 20 years, I can only recall the period of “date rape” drugs to both hetero and homo bars throughout the world. Being single gives me the joy of not going to bars/clubs and stick to the fukfest I go to on the weekends. I truly hope ALL gay men who do go to bars and/or clubs exercise rational thinking throughout their partying, know their limitations and have more than just a Plan B…even if their with friends… Read more »
All the more reason not to drink in public.
You think you slick .you just don’t want buy drinks but you trying to get some dick. Just stay and play with yourself. People like you make the scene really suck. Besides, you can get drugged in someone’s apartment.
True, that, scary!