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As gay men, we’ve all heard things that make us cringe, but there are certain comments that can feel particularly uncomfortable, frustrating, or even downright offensive for us. Whether it’s because of ignorance, stereotypes, or unwelcome assumptions, some phrases just hit differently. Today, we’re diving into the top 10 things gay men don’t like to hear—and why.
1. “Who’s the man and who’s the woman in your relationship?”
This question reinforces outdated gender roles and oversimplifies same-sex relationships. Gay couples are made up of two men (or two women), and dynamics don’t need to fit a heterosexual template.
2. “You don’t look gay!”
What exactly does “looking gay” mean? This comment often comes from stereotypes and fails to recognize the diversity within the LGBTQ+ community.
3. “I have a gay friend; you two should meet!”
While it’s nice when people want to introduce us to new folks, assuming we’ll click with someone just because they’re also gay can feel dismissive and surface-level.
4. “Are you sure you haven’t found the right girl yet?”
For many, sexuality is not a phase or something that can be changed by meeting someone of the opposite sex. This comment undermines our lived experiences and identities.
5. “I’ve always wanted a gay best friend like you! ”
While this might seem flattering, it can feel as if someone sees us as an accessory rather than a whole person with feelings, interests, and boundaries.
6. “You’re way too handsome to be gay!” Or: “I can’t believe you’re gay—you’re so good-looking!”
This backhanded compliment implies that our attractiveness is somehow wasted because of our sexual orientation.
7. “You’re gay? But you don’t act gay.”
There’s no one way to “act gay.” The LGBTQ+ community is filled with diverse personalities, interests, and expressions that defy simple labels.
8. “I could turn you straight.”
Whether said jokingly or seriously, this comment is not only dismissive but also perpetuates harmful ideas about sexuality being a choice or something to be “fixed.”
9. “You must know about fashion/decorating/entertainment, right?”
Assuming that all gay men share the same interests is limiting. While some may enjoy these topics, others might be more into sports, science, or anything else under the sun.
10. “It’s such a waste that you’re gay.”
This statement implies that being gay somehow diminishes our worth, which is simply not true. Our sexuality doesn’t diminish our value, contributions, or desirability.
There you have it, guys—ten things gay men don’t like to hear and why. What about you, Adam4Adam blog readers? Are there phrases, questions, or comments that get under your skin? Share your experiences and stories with us in the comments section below. We’d love to hear what’s on your list!
The comment that pisses me off more than any other is. “You’re just being selfish; you need to get a girl, settle down, and start a family.” Like what the hell does get a girl mean? Hit her over the head, drag her back to the cave, then breed her?
People have a tendency to project their own thought process on everyone around them. Yup. “you’re just being selfish” is BS… I you hear that from a ‘friend’ it’s easy enough to have that discussion…from a stranger? feck em! LOL
i understand that the girl you will eventually meet, greet, date, engage and finally marry, has yet to be born
@eric w: Similarly, I’ve had gay men accuse me of being selfish because as a bi guy, I hadn’t simply chosen to be with only men or only women.