(Photo Credits: Prostock-studio from Shutterstock)
As gay men, we’ve all heard things that make us cringe, but there are certain comments that can feel particularly uncomfortable, frustrating, or even downright offensive for us. Whether it’s because of ignorance, stereotypes, or unwelcome assumptions, some phrases just hit differently. Today, we’re diving into the top 10 things gay men don’t like to hear—and why.
1. “Who’s the man and who’s the woman in your relationship?”
This question reinforces outdated gender roles and oversimplifies same-sex relationships. Gay couples are made up of two men (or two women), and dynamics don’t need to fit a heterosexual template.
2. “You don’t look gay!”
What exactly does “looking gay” mean? This comment often comes from stereotypes and fails to recognize the diversity within the LGBTQ+ community.
3. “I have a gay friend; you two should meet!”
While it’s nice when people want to introduce us to new folks, assuming we’ll click with someone just because they’re also gay can feel dismissive and surface-level.
4. “Are you sure you haven’t found the right girl yet?”
For many, sexuality is not a phase or something that can be changed by meeting someone of the opposite sex. This comment undermines our lived experiences and identities.
5. “I’ve always wanted a gay best friend like you! ”
While this might seem flattering, it can feel as if someone sees us as an accessory rather than a whole person with feelings, interests, and boundaries.
6. “You’re way too handsome to be gay!” Or: “I can’t believe you’re gay—you’re so good-looking!”
This backhanded compliment implies that our attractiveness is somehow wasted because of our sexual orientation.
7. “You’re gay? But you don’t act gay.”
There’s no one way to “act gay.” The LGBTQ+ community is filled with diverse personalities, interests, and expressions that defy simple labels.
8. “I could turn you straight.”
Whether said jokingly or seriously, this comment is not only dismissive but also perpetuates harmful ideas about sexuality being a choice or something to be “fixed.”
9. “You must know about fashion/decorating/entertainment, right?”
Assuming that all gay men share the same interests is limiting. While some may enjoy these topics, others might be more into sports, science, or anything else under the sun.
10. “It’s such a waste that you’re gay.”
This statement implies that being gay somehow diminishes our worth, which is simply not true. Our sexuality doesn’t diminish our value, contributions, or desirability.
There you have it, guys—ten things gay men don’t like to hear and why. What about you, Adam4Adam blog readers? Are there phrases, questions, or comments that get under your skin? Share your experiences and stories with us in the comments section below. We’d love to hear what’s on your list!
The comment that pisses me off more than any other is. “You’re just being selfish; you need to get a girl, settle down, and start a family.” Like what the hell does get a girl mean? Hit her over the head, drag her back to the cave, then breed her?
People have a tendency to project their own thought process on everyone around them. Yup. “you’re just being selfish” is BS… I you hear that from a ‘friend’ it’s easy enough to have that discussion…from a stranger? feck em! LOL
I always just say “Would you want your daughter or sister to marry a gay man?”,
i understand that the girl you will eventually meet, greet, date, engage and finally marry, has yet to be born
@eric w: Similarly, I’ve had gay men accuse me of being selfish because as a bi guy, I hadn’t simply chosen to be with only men or only women.
Yes, it’s selfish of you not to be 100% available…
I have YET to have that issue, but I’m patiently waiting. None of my gay friends have ever given me a hard time about being a married bi guy, let alone just being bi. In fact they find it kinda hot that my wife is very supportive of my bi-side.
I laugh at that stupid shit. What I hate generally comes from other gay men.
“HEY GIIIIRRRRL!”
No dipshit, I am a guy and I have a cock.
“I want to fuck your pussy.”
I’m a dude, I have a cock. If you want to fuck me, it’s my asshole.”
top or bottom? versatile? raw or wrapped? swallow? can I squirt inside?
So you don’t like to have conversation about expectations that work for both parties? Cool story, bro.
I love when a guy says he wants to fuck me, and I don’t care what he calls his cock receptacle…just fuck me!
I also HATE when I hear any man utter the term, “Girlfriend!” My standard reply is “I am neither and your mascara is running. Quit perpetuating the stereotype, stupid twink.”
Bah-Humbug!
Whenever someone has ever told me “I have a gay friend, you two should meet!”, I respond with “I already know him, and he tells everyone that you’re a gigantic cunt.”
“You don’t look gay!” I totally don’t mind hearing this. In fact, it just reminds me that I haven’t become a carbon copy of every other guy. Sorry but gay style (and lingo) def exist and are way overused both within the community and outside. “Who’s the man and who’s the woman in your relationship?” It’s a rude thing to inquire, but everyone knows they’re basically wondering who’s the top and who’s the bottom. Duh! There isn’t much “diversity” among tops and bottoms, and both tend to conform to husband/wife norms. Even most of us can totally tell who’s who… Read more »
Internalized homophobia is never pretty.
any variation of wanting your “pussy” or “bussy”
I fucking hate that shit!
Haha I love it! To each their own.
He can call it Cleveland for all I care, as long as his dick is going in while he does it.
Because behind closed doors with a top, I become very submissive and somewhat feminine acting,and I like to get fucked in panties, some tops ask me why don’t I just divorce my wife and come out, and get a man, I happen to still love my wife and her pussy, I happen to enjoy being a submissive panty bottom for men as well,
Okay, just don’t expect us to understand.
We are allowed to like 2 or more things at the same time. Doesn’t have to be all or nothing. It’s not a zero-sum game. I can like pizza AND steak too. I can like the color red AND also like blue too. I can like Ford trucks AND Toyota Corollas. I don’t have to just pick one. Guys can like pussy AND dick too.
No one ask you, and no one ask you to understand, it’s always ass wipes like you that will turn a nice friendly topic and discussion and make something not even that serious out of it , hell it just a discussion and a members past time, The fuckin blog and comment police always had to come in and try to make someone else’s day as fucked up as their life, Go eat shit and die, OH ” you’ve probably ate enough shit , Go find a bird that has bird flu and suck a egg out of it’s ass
I know exactly how you feel!!!
Though I’m more of a vers/top, I can totally relate. I love my wife, kids, life, but I NEED gay sex on the side and honestly do it mainly “for sport” more than anything else. Guys on sites like this one ask me the same question and the truth is, I’m not – and never will be – a part of the gay life (emotionally), so I’m never going to change my “daily life” because my gay side only exists for the sex and nothing else.
“Gay sex.” “Gay life.” “Gay side.”
Dude, you have issues
I am exactly the same way! I’m not gay, not straight but bi! I top, bottom and everything in between! I’m attracted to women with a nice ass and men with a nice ass! Women with nice tits and men with a nice bulge (I like Mens tits too! lol) I like getting fucked by a man with a cock and a woman with a strap on and like fucking women and men in the asshole! Love feeling a man’s cock in my mouth and feeling him cum and love putting my mouth on a woman’s pussy and feeling her… Read more »
I think we’ve ‘collective heard’ what I call “hetero nonsense,” even from family members. It’s what people do when they just understand, I don’t really give it any energy, personally.
I don’t except being put in box.
“Rosie the Rivetter” they were black women; not mention black men, and white women whose abilities were doubted; what they actually did and them some to win the war.
Your last paragraph makes no sense.
It means, they have surpassed what was needed of them, to the point of sheer excellence. But you were right, no harm, no foul. I give you, a thumbs up, ’cause you didn’t deny the message.
This response arguably makes even less sense than the last paragraph of your original post.
Lmao, it may be above your understanding.
surely, you left something out?
Telling someone that they’re canceled isn’t gay-specific. And cancel culture doesn’t exist. Accountability does, though. It’s mostly people who used to be able to say anything with few to no consequences who bitch and whine about being “canceled”.
You surely forgot a few, 1. I bet you yourself succulence are a disliked ASS” notice I use all lowercase for your name, it’s because you are very unimportant to everyone
Is this a boomer’s idea of a burn?
“There’s no one way to “act gay.” “
Bullshit. We all know what “acting gay” means. Most stereotypes are somewhat accurate.
Totally agree. The “gay stereotype” exists for a reason.
I don’t think I’ve ever heard any of those phrases. For me it’s when media talks about the “gay community” or “LGBT community” as if we’re all one big “community” who all have the same agenda, the same views, the same social expectations, the same politics, etc. Likewise when politicians or other public figures flaunt “support” for “LGBT”. And the “it gets better” movement from the mouths of straight politicians and celebrities 15 years ago bothered me. Every other commercial on tv was some straight wealthy politician or celebrity uttering those empty words. And the “acceptance” mantra of gays. In… Read more »
Who makes this stuff up on here?
Liberals?
I think gay men and people in general are WAY to sensitive to the things people ask and say. There will ALWAYS be insensitive and ignorant people on the planet. If what they say bothers or insults you then simply let them know. You don’t know what you don’t know. Many people ask dumb questions because they’re uncomfortable or really just don’t know what to say. And I agree with one of the post here that we are ALL not part of the same LGBTQ (and more) community. I think that is a HUGE stereotype to assume we are all… Read more »
I can certainly agree with these comments. It’s easy to be offended when someone is insensitive to what has happened in your world. The “good looking” and “not feminine” comments have certainly been tossed my way, not only by straight folks, but by insensitive/trolling gays guys too. Being bisexual, I have had similar comments about my sexuality from the gay community; for example, “you have sucked cock or topped someone, so you are most certainly gay and you have just not embraced it yet”… or “your so hard when we make love, you are certainly not bi…”. Needless to say,… Read more »
I hate it when people make an attempt to appear inclusive by stating how “tolerant” they are of gays.
Wrong! I tolerate people with bad breath or who are rude. I don’t want your straight “tolerance”. I want full and equal acknowledgement, respect and treatment. No more, no less.
Kudos to you. Agree!!! Excellent point!!!
1. You mean the one who thinks he’s in charge, or the one who knows she’s in charge? 2. That’s funny i was just thinking how gay you look. 3. Yes, I’m gay. No, I don’t want to meet your hairdresser. I already have a gay friend. 4. “Are you sure you haven’t found the right guy/girl yet? 5. Well, maybe one day you’ll find one. 6. You think straight men are better looking than gay men as a rule? You need to get out more. 7. You should see me sucking dick or fucking a guy. 8. I could turn your husband/wife/BF/GF gay, but… Read more »
My response to the stupid, ignorant morons is, “do you also have a Black friend?” Or any other ethnicity that may serve to make them self conscious of their prejudices.
I actually had one person introduce me as her “gay friend.” I promptly informed her that while gay, I could never be her friend.
“I wish I could find a bf/partner like you.”
WTF does that mean? Apparently there is something you DON’T like about me or else you WOULD date me.
If this is a “Thanks, but I’m not interested” rejection, it’s being delivered via cannonball.
This ain’t exactly only for us gays, but “Don’t chase love, it’ll find you”.
Trouble is this is ALWAYS said by people WHO ARE NOT single!
As for me personally, my dating life only existed for 3 years & I’ll be 51 this year…so how much longer must I wait?