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Have you ever had a boyfriend who eventually chose the straight life? If so, how did you move on from this? Or perhaps this was you, you know, the one who chose to marry a woman in the end. Why, and did you ever regret your decision?
Imagine being in a committed relationship for three years or so, only to find out your partner still envisions a future with a woman instead of you. It’s a scenario shared by many in online forums, including r/askgaybros, and the heartbreak is palpable.
One user shared their experience of staying up all night in conversation with their boyfriend, only to hear the devastating truth: he still wanted a woman to be with him. For some, this revelation feels like a betrayal, while for others, it’s a painful reminder of the societal pressures and internal conflicts many gay men still face.
Well, OP’s boyfriend only wishes to be with a woman, however, going by the thread, a gay or bisexual boyfriend marrying a woman in the end seems to be commonplace.
Commenters on the thread empathized deeply with the original poster (OP). “I feel you, OP. Nothing you can do about it, pick yourself up. Move on. It’s hard, I know, but you gotta do this,” one wrote. While the advice is sound, it doesn’t soften the blow of realizing a partner can’t see a future together.
The motivations behind such choices often run deep. Some attributed this decision to internalized homophobia and societal expectations. One commenter explained, “This could be about his internalized homophobia, wanting a ‘normal’ nuclear family, which clearly overtakes his love for you. He doesn’t want a family with you. That’s devastating. But at least you’re finding out now and not much later.”
This sentiment resonated with many others, highlighting how societal norms still influence personal relationships even at this day and age when some countries already allow gay marriage. For some, the concept of a “traditional” life—a wife, children, and a white picket fence—outweighs their feelings for their partner.
The emotional toll on the person left behind is immense. Another gay commenter urged the original poster to grieve. “Allow yourself to grieve as well. It will take time to mend. Big hugs,” they wrote. And grieving is an essential part of healing, though it’s far from simple.
Stories like these aren’t rare. They reflect the struggles of balancing love, identity, and societal pressures. For those left behind, the journey forward often involves picking up the pieces and rediscovering their worth outside the relationship.
To Adam4Adam blog readers: have you ever experienced something similar? Have you been in a relationship where your partner ultimately chose a traditional life over a life with you? How did you cope, and what helped you move on?
As painful as these stories are to read, they serve as reminders of the challenges many still face in accepting themselves and their desires fully. Let’s open up the conversation—has this ever happened to you? How did you heal, and what advice would you give to others going through it?
On the other hand, to our gay readers who chose to marry a woman, what made you decide to do so? Is it the fear of coming out, was it societal pressures, family expectations or more? Share with us your thoughts and stories in the comments section below.
There’s a lot of assuming with this article, but you would move on with your life… What else could you do?
Agreed. This cheesy story has so many holes, it should be in a sandwich.
All in all it perpetuates harmful ideas: Gays are always helpless victims, Straights are bad, Bi guys betray Gaydom, men are either Straight or Gay (no spectrum), etc.
I laughed when I remembered numerous stories (actual and fictional) over the years of wives who discovered that their husbands were having sex with other men. It’s surprising “The Community” doesn’t make “the other men” heros or saints for having infiltrated Heterosexual relationships!
Unless they’ve gone through some real extremes to hide such, I don’t know how anyone would miss those signs. But that would feel like total betrayal on many levels.
GET ANOTHER BOYFRIEND………..
Agreed. Go out and find a man who will make you the centre of his universe. Not some married male who has you in orbit around planet “Wedded Bliss” like some type of space debris.
If you date a dl, bi, pan male… this is a possibility…
It’s over.
What difference does it make what gender “Ones” partner is, and the gender that partner is leaving “One” for? What it ultimately boils down to, is that “One” has been left. Having been on the rejected end of the spectrum by both genders, I can honestly say the feelings are the same regardless who they ran off with. That said, I can also report that I’m much happier without them than they are withwhom they left me for. They got what they wanted. I’m happy for them. Next question?
Step One: Check your attitude. One of the things that keeps men in the closet *and* sends them bolting back there, to barricade the door, is the sheer tackiness and pushiness of the current Agenda. Most homosexual men are NOT looking for effeminate, preening snotbags, who assume everything has to be their way. If I wanted a woman, I’d be straight. If men act like spoiled 14-year-old girls… I’ll leave them far, far behind.
Barring ethical non-monogamy, it’s usually over. Poly can work, but it takes trust on everyone’s part to make that work. Sharing is tough, but it can be done.
What to do? Dump his ass and tell him you don’t like that fishy smell in your house. “Sharing” only works with an even number of M&M’s in a bowl.
Been there done that. Its not easy. My boyfriend and I had Great Sex that morning, went and celebrated PRIDE that day at the local park, and then that evening he told me he was marrying a woman. Not only was he lying to me as he was with Her and me at the same time, but he lied to her and had never told her about us. While it hurt immensely, I think I did dodge a bullet with that one….
Consider yourself luck, actually, ’cause he’s not had his last homo-sex, you can bet on that, when she finally finds out, she’ll likely dump him, lmao, what goes around…lol.
Yeah, I think you did dodge a bullet with that one. It doesn’t matter who he left you for, another man, or woman. The main point is that he left you. He was lying and cheating on you, and at the same time lying and cheating on her. He is a liar and a cheater. Good thing you found out sooner rather than later and moved on without him.
Contact her….invite her to lunch, and make damn sure he know where to show up too!
IF people…all parties are aware from the outset… you have the opportunity to participate in the charade or not…a lie is a lie is a lie and nothing will ever change that.
That is why most straight , bi , curious guys that may want to try being with anutha guy or want to explore their curiosity, choose not to because of gay guys like you,, soon and things don’t go your way, you want to out the guy, and some guys end up taking their own lives from being out by guys like you, then gays wonder why guy doesn’t want to play Open up or try and see if being with men is really what they want, but then you wonder why it’s so hard to get with a straight… Read more »
It’s so incredibly difficult for most people to say openly and honestly that they want a male lover and a female lover. When the genders are opposite, there is possibility of creating a new life, and many people truly want to create a life. But many people also want the same-sex experience. If only people could be honest with themselves and any others they become intimate with.
Bisexual men are community sex toys for the public. You don’t make them priority or ‘boyfriends’. They serve a purpose for sex and you get rid of them afterward. Once you make them your bf, then whatever happens that you don’t like, ‘you asked for it’. From the moment they tell you they’re bi, (if it happens), you SHOULD know that you’re ALWAYS in unfair competition and he can always justify being with someone else ‘because he told you’ in the beginning. Remember it works both ways in the fact that ‘the female’ has something he wants that you don’t,… Read more »
This post is littered with insecurity and immaturity….
People thinking they can shut it on and off at will tend to end up lashing out at their loved ones at the first sign of their feelings being inconvenienced. Gay dont like ugly
If/when that happens, “He’s just not into you” (figuratively and literaly). You were not placed on this Earth to fill a gap (no pun intended) in some male’s married life or be a perpetual third wheel.
Exactly! I don’t mind “dating” or having a Bi male as a FWB ….as long as we all know….however I don’t NOT want to be the 3rd party to anyone else’s relationship on the “DL”. No matter how ya spin it….cheating is still a LIE.
I agree with others on here who say to move on with your life. But I would also add that when he comes sneaking back around wanting to fool around on the downlow. (and he will) that you let him know that he made his choice and must now live with it. Don’t let him string you along and use you.