We have many different kinds of people on Adam4Adam, ranging from trans men and women to non-binary folk, and for every one of them, different kinds of sexual activity constitute fun in the bedroom.

However, for a lot of gay men, anal sex often takes a lot of the focus. After all, gay men do group ourselves as either tops or bottoms. But where does that leave sides — gay men who really aren’t that into anal sex?

Reddit user u/sco677 was contemplating the same thing on a recent post on the r/askgaybros subreddit. He reveals that anal was “never a huge thing” for him and that he has “fun doing other ‘activities.’” Because so much focus is put on anal sex in the gay community, u/sco677 couldn’t help but wonder if not being into anal means he’s blown his chances at ever finding a partner.

A lot of the responses on the subreddit reassured him that quite a lot of gay men really aren’t into anal as well.

For instance, Reddit user u/BigGayEngineer reveals he had his husband tend to avoid anal sex as well. He writes: “We both confessed that even topping wasn’t really that great and got on just fine with frot, oral, and handjobs. Now we also have a fleshlight that we share sometimes.”

Reddit user u/Southern-bro asserts that there are “many ways to have gay sex” and that all of those ways are “legit.” He shares: “My bf and I thought we were both 100% tops before we met. We are happy as can be. We do anal from time to time, but it’s not our main thing. We LOVE blow jobs, hand jobs, and frottage. I suppose we are sides.”

Reddit user u/DADT11211 also called out how media aimed towards gay men has emphasized anal sex, saying “I feel like porn makes it look like anal sex is more the foundation for gay couples’ sex lives than it is in real life, but that’s just my experience/opinion.”

That’s what Reddit thinks, but how do our Adam4Adam blog readers feel? Would you be okay with not having anal sex in a relationship? Or are you one of the people who find it necessary? If you’re in a relationship right now that doesn’t involve anal sex, what other activities do you do in the bedroom? Share with us in the comments section below!