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Dating: Why Do Gay Men Lie About Their Age on Dating Apps?

(Photo Credits: bruce mars from Pexels)

Is age an important factor for you guys when it comes to choosing a potential hookup or date or boyfriend here on Adam4Adam? 

We are asking because we stumbled upon this thread on askgaybros where the original poster (OP) said that he had noticed over the years how “a lot of guys never seem to change their ages on their profiles.” He related instances like his old roommate when he was still at school and how the latter would brag that he was able to pass himself off as 19 when in fact he was already 21 or 22. He also added that there was this one guy who is perpetually 32 years old on his profile for the past five years. Some respondents reacted by affirming that yes, they’ve noticed this, too; while others said it’s “shallow to be so hung up on someone’s age number.”  

We did a little digging online and some people who admitted that they lied about their age said they shaved 3 to 5 years off, while others confessed they took as much as a decade off their real age.  

But why do gay men and LGBTI people in general lie about their age on dating apps? 

A study conducted by Gay Star News revealed that “one in four gay and bisexual men lie about their age on hook-up apps and on dates.” There were over 3,000 respondents, 35 percent of them were retired, while the rest (65 percent) were still working. As to the why they lie, their answer is simple: it’s because “LGBTI people fear being rejected on hook-up apps and on dates because of their age.” Check out the result of their survey in full here

According to this article, “lying about one’s age is considered socially acceptable.” For others however, it is a deal breaker. That being said, have you ever lied about your age, guys? Have you ever been lied to by a hookup or a date before? If yes, did he get a second date from you? Why or why not?

Share with us your thoughts and stories in the comments section below.


There are 110 comments

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  1. Hunter0500

    Gays don’t have the market cornered when it come to lying about age … or anything else … on a dating site. Why is it even thought they do it more than heterosexuals or any other orientation?

    Could it be a youth bias? After all, look at the parade of young fresh meat that has passed through the Blog this week. In reality, there are countless physically attractive middle-age and older gay men. Plentiful if you look at members pictures. Plentiful, no doubt, present at the recent Pride event where “A4A” proudly displayed its “stable” of young “meat”.

    So why are age and other attributes lied about?

    Bias. A bias that promotes superficial factors such as youth and looks over character.

    Too many gays, perhaps even the most militant, demand accpeptance, but then practice bias. There’s a disconnect there

          • Steve

            do a little experiment and make out a profile and put your age at 60 or above, no pic you can put a description and what your interested in but no only private pics. See how many hits you get or replies when you try to start a conversation, then ask why older guys lie about their about their age. Oh then go back and do another another profile at 50 and compare or even 55 for the same amount of time and see the difference. its amazing the difference in even 1 year once you reach 50 (49) or 60 and say (59).

        • Daniel

          Considering most men don’t live past 76… 38 is literally middle-aged so it’s neither old nor young. It is however well beyond anyone’s prime. In my 20s ppl would tell me I should model on a daily basis.. strangers even. Now at just age 33 it rarely happens, but daily ppl compliment my butt since that has gotten bigger

      • Libertarian Queer

        Maybe you perceive it as negativity but I perceive it as reality. Now, I wouldn’t kick a 38 YO out of bed over his age any more than I would a “little boy” like yourself. But the reality is nature has a way of making older guys look like hell in comparison to younger guys and we all know one of the significant factors in sexual attraction is outward appearance. Sure, some are into the aged look but most aren’t. As far as his comments about character goes, age doesn’t have a lock on that. There’s plenty of good and bad character regardless of age.

        If you’re lucky you will become and old guy one of these days. I would not be surprised if at that time your perspective on many things will differ substantially from your perspective on those things right now. It’s just the way things go in life. Of course, once you’re dead none of this crap matters anyway. May you have a long time to figure it all out. Cheers!

  2. Andre Smith

    Our Society as a whole is VERY youth oriented….oddly enough men are usually the ones on the “driver seats” of this kind of thought process…from Madison ave. to Hollywood! unfortunately the Gay community is not exempt from this male way of thinking…..forever 21’…29′ waist…if your past a certain age people have all sorts of perceptions of a certain age..a lot of us who keep it tight..still feel the need to shave off a year a couple years in some cases more. This is not a GAY problem…It’s a societal problem.

  3. N.Z.H.

    N.Z.H.

    Gay men no more lie about their ages on internet sites than Heterosexuals lie about their ages on internet sites.

    We all do it as we are recipients of our “Culture” and our culture demands youth; beauty; handsomeness; svelteness; leanness; curvaceousness; height; flawless complexions; sexual prowess; proficiency; robustness and thus, utmost desirability.

    However, in Gay Life, the aforementioned are, particularly, ephemeral. In Straight-Life, there is the usual default of growing old with someone; in gay-life, there is the usual default of growing old with self.

    One is a lonely number that you will ever be; two is the greatest number that you will ever be. This, therefore, is the assumption made by our Culture.

  4. jvinsb

    I was 57 when a friend recommended A4A to me. At that time, I noted there was a couple who claimed to be 44 and wanted men who were under 35. I turned 70 last July and saw that those two men are STILL saying they are 44. Another man claimed to be 60 way back then and wanted men who were 18 to 40. Today, he is STILL 60 but amended his profile to read he’s only into men who are 18 to 35. Yet another with whom I had been chatting over several months says he’s 58. But one day, he told me he was celebrating his 75th birthday. Meantime, his profile’s age remains 58. Others have said that they “just can’t get around to updating their profile.” Yeah right. That makes for 18 years of procrastination. All this being said, I did observe that by the time I entered my 60s, I was pretty much being ignored. If someone was a friend/acquaintance/playmate before then, they remained so. But now the only new “hits” I’m getting is from spambots or twinks who hope I’m a sugar daddy. Sorry guys, but I’m just another horny guy hoping for a free hook up via a free site, VERY preferably with men who are near my age. Didn’t A4A’s Blog once mention a survey that indicated that fully 61% of people on ALL hook up sites (not just gay sites) lie about there age? I found is amusing when you asked the rhetorical question, “How many of these people ever actually get a second date?”

    • N.Z.H.

      JVINSB:

      Many who join A4A, already know they aren’t going to meet anyone outside the site. So, they create an “ideal” profile which get them attention and communication.

      A4A provides a link to the outside world via the computer and keeps them connected; they get a chance to write, anticipate, flirt, divert, fool and ultimately, amusement. They can sign on to see who read their profile and who might show an interest?

      In the end, however, they fool no one, including themselves. It just keeps them connected and acknowledged in the world.

      AOL provided this as did Gay.Com and ultimately, Craigslist’s Personals. If the site is free, it attracts all kinds.

  5. pozohman

    Some apps appear to automatically update age in a profile, based upon the birthday; other apps do not automatically update age. A4A appears to be among the latter group. And a user may not remember which apps auto-update, and which don’t, and so forgets to update any of his profiles.
    And face it, it is not usually the first thing on his mind, when he is out busy celebrating his natal day

    –So is he deliberately lying? Or is the app simply not designed well, to be user friendly and auto-update for him? Or at least give the user reminders?
    And how many users are narcistic enough to look at their own profile first thing, every time they log-in, to make sure everything is current?

    –Now are their dishonest people out there? Sure, but let’s not assume that is the motive behind every incorrect age in profiles that one encounters.
    Give room for benefit of the doubt, until you actually meet the man, or at least talk with him!

  6. bc

    It is not a problem for me if it’s a few years. Being 55, I am normally interested in guys who are 45 to 65. What I run into the most regarding this issue are the guys in their late 60’s and seventies who claim to be in their late 50’s. It’s very disappointing when you meet a guy who says he’s 59 and it turns out that he is in his 70’s and has ED.

  7. Darryl

    Well the age thing does come into play on websites like this, so us older guys tend to have a hard time meeting Men. Most of the time guys tend to be in their 20 and 30’s and they are not looking for older guys, unless they want to fetish us, doing the Daddy thing. I don’t have an issue with that, but sometimes i just want a horny hot Man to play with, but i end up with going through some kind of job interview situation lol. Don’t get the violins out just yet, just stating the facts reality wise for us who are still alive, and ready to get it poppin.

  8. Daniel

    I wouldn’t know cause I don’t lie. I’m actually proud to say my age (33) cause everyone says I look much younger which feels nice.

    • Guy gothamLol

      Lol. I’m very happy you are proud to say you are 33. You’re really putting on a brave face out there and it’s incredibly inspirational for all those 32 year olds who are questioning how many years they can convincing shave off their profiles when they hit the big 3 3. It’s just so refreshing to see a gentleman in the prime of his fucking life admit to being in the prime of his fucking life…. Face palm!

  9. Paul

    Guys lie about their age for the same reason they don’t post face pics or body pics. Because theres so many factors we judge each other on. Looks at the profile on apps, “no one over (insert weight/age here)”, no one who is this, that, or the other. It’s a shallow, vapid world we live in. I’m honestly amazed sometimes that new relationships start or that anyone gets laid. Who ticks everyone’s laundry list of demands of their personal “preferences”? ‍♂️ Why do we ask these questions when we all know the answers already?

  10. Hunter0500

    Always seeing negativity in nothing more than different perspectives. There’s bias there.

    The average life expectancy for US and Canada in males is around 80. 38 then is quite young. Have a couple of buds who are less than that. They, like my other buds with ages across the board, aren’t biased over looks or age. Means we all lucky to have several great men in our lives.

  11. kinky daddy

    If they are so shallow about telling the truth about how old they are then what else are they going to lie about. Oh yes their dick size that’s another big lie on the dating profile. I don’t like when they lie about any thing. Grow up guys you do realize that one day if you actually follow through and meet this person they will figure it out and you will make a full of yourself and piss that person off. So stop all the fucking lying guys.

    • Steven

      Liars lie … Desperation and insecurity reeks of eternal adolescence. Oh yeah … “heterosexuals lie, too.” Aim low, boys!

      I’m 62. I have more white than grey hair. I SCORE on A4A. Been here a decade?

      I get hit up by ALL ages, DAILY, posting my REAL age, CLEAR current Face Pic, ACTUAL body shots, loudly disclosing POZ (No shortage of “Disease-free” stigma around here, fellas).

      My biggest problem? Not hearing from enough quality middle-aged men. Youngsters (with jobs!) hit me up more than middle-aged &’older.

      Don’t wanna be discriminated against unfairly? Stop internalizing and perpetuating age (and every other) pathetic bias. Get off your worrywart butts, and LIVE! Watch what the universe sends in return.

      HONESTY … When all else fails!

  12. bearblkbttm

    DAVE’s response to HUNTER0500 is a clear example of the latter’s point! Hunter answered the question poised in the headline: Bias. Anyone above a certain age (what that age is varies) has been instantly ghosted on these apps more than once for revealing his real age. That is the textbook definition of “BIAS.” Yet Dave’s reply to this FACT is to accuse Hunter of “negativity.” And then to be dismissive for thinking 38 years old as being “young.” Guess what? For most over +45y.o. — IT IS! So, “little boy,” just wait 5 or 10 or 20 more years — when you get mostly silence in response to using these apps — then you’ll understand.

    BTW: Just to make clear my comment was not “angry” or “negative” — I’m in my 50’s and have no interest in anyone under 48y.o. Just my preference. I’m mainly giving a voice to those men who are attracted to younger, and inevitably run into Jasper the unfriendly ghost.

    • Dave

      hey, I’m 37, I do lots of sports, dress younger, feel younger and get all the 18-25 guys talking to me even though im not into them. It’s all about how you feel, not about the age. My ex is 60 years old, and he is dating a guy in his 30s, and I dated him for 7 years even though we had over 20 years of age difference.

      • Jason

        Dave, I have yet to come across any gay guy who doesn’t “get all the 18-25 guys”.

        There’s never an exception. Every guy I know consistently gets all the 18-25 guys.

        I wonder how many 18-25 guys there must be on this planet to make that all possible.

    • wesley

      You are so right about the 5, 10 or 20 years. Perspective changes dramatically. “Looking ahead 25 years seems like an eternity. Looking back 25 years seems like no time at all.” This was told to me by my husband’s grandfather, who was 94 at the time.

    • WaitingForTheNextSurprise

      REALLY??? 87 looking 57????? maybe in YOUR mind you look 57…. you may even think like you did when you were 57….I think like i did when I was 27… but in reality I am 37… If I put down 27 and showed up at someone’s house with them BELIEVING a 27 y/o is coming over to hook-up when in reality a 37 y/o is going to be knocking on the door…. I’d better be prepared to have the door SLAMMED in my face…. but hell by all means continue your attempted deception, you aren’t fooling anyone but yourself when you put 57 when in actuality you are 87…

    • bc

      If you are being truthful now, you are the type of man that really pisses me off. I am 55 and there is no way I want to be with a guy as old as my dad. There is no one who can pass for 30 years younger without professional make up artists. A few years, <5, is not a problem but 30? I told a guy like you once that he was lucky I didn't kick his ass. He changed his profile from 56 to 68 immediately.

  13. Lee

    If the young generation would realize that soon they are going to be a part of the older generation, maybe they would learn not to treat their elders rudely and think before they speak as to how what they say and do may be for others. Also, to stop and think how they would feel if someone did what they are about to do to would be done to them. All to often, they go by age to make a decision and not even try to communicate with the older person. My Lover who lives in Cali Columbia is 27 years old and I who lives in the Bronx NY am 75. He is just the opposite from the norm. He tries to treat me as if I were his prince. When I’m there visiting him he tries to protect me as much as can be. For me he is “A number 1” and I love him for it.

    • Dan

      Ok my perspective on why the youngsters might not be so nice to older guys. In my 20s I started to go to gay bars. I’ve met homophobes who were nicer than they were but the main thing is that if you even tried to have pleasant chat with them those old monsters thought they had the right to touch my crotch. Some of the older guys felt they had the right to do so and felt entitled to younger guys and got real shitty if they were told no. The worst part was that gay bars were likely to kick you out if you rejected someone’s unwanted advances. I was overweight then as well. I can’t imagine what it was like for the hot young ones. After enough of that crap it is natural to be wary when older gay guys even start talking to you because you know they have no good intentions toward you.

  14. carlos c.

    If you looked like your stated age on these apps vs clearly looking older…lying wouldn’t be so bad. Perhaps people are just not mature enough to accept aging…..and its consequences in the shallow thinking dating scene……

  15. Derric

    Born in 1964. I don’t lie about my age and I don’t respect guys who lie about their age.

    I knew so many men who didn’t make it through the AIDS epidemic or for some other reason. Ive even known a few who got so caught up in not looking their age that it cost them their lives.

    Age a sign of courage, honor, and perseverance. Not something to lie about to try to gain some superficial acceptance. Pathetic.

    In my opinion, older men often have walked the talk of life, been tested, and survived more challenges than younger men.

    That’s what separates the men from the boys.

  16. Rick

    I’ve noticed this too. I actually use my real age (50) on here and another dating site. I can pass as in my upper 30s – or so I’ve been told many times – but don’t try to pass myself off as such. I’m proud of my age. Sure, I don’t get some of the younger guys, but I do get enough.

  17. Crazysexycool

    I ask myself this question all the time! Maybe youth bias? because of society? it seems more prevalent In our community.

    It makes me wonder, if a guy is lying about something simple as his age… what else is he lying about.
    I understand some guys are afraid to reveal their “true” age because of society or whatever reason, but who cares!

    For myself, my real age is on my profile… 50 and very proud of it! Ppl say I can pass for 35-40, and that’s with my salt and pepper beard, lol! Huge compliment for me along with a “Thanks and smile”.
    A few months ago, I overheard a guy say, “He’s too Young to have a gray beard. Some say I look damn good with a beard. Compliments like that puts a Huge smile on my face.

    Be proud of your age and own it!!!

  18. NoMoFoMe

    Lying about age comes with the gay male condition…obligate if the subject is over 35, optional prior to that Then, they start fudging a year or two, four in the 40s, 5+ in the 50s, then they go into double digits and start plastic surgery and butt lifts. Always has been that way and always will be. I should know…I’ve been gay since the mud-1960s. And yes, I AM OLD! Can’t deal?

  19. Mr. Cellophane

    Here are my thoughts. Gay men are visual people. It’s like a cat with a shiney object. They have a shiney crystal here and while chasing it see a shinier one and run to it. Being over fifty is fatal in this life. The only thing guys tend to see is what can I get from him. A “daddy” to take me shopping. I’ve had some hit me up with lines like “hey daddy”, not realising that they too will be over fifty. Would love to be a fly on the wall when the shoe is on the other foot. Youth men’s beauty to most gay men. Yes to a 55+ male 38 is young. Why are beauty and age coupled together like partners in a relationship? Because as a society has groomed us to believe if you’re not young and beautiful you may as well me invisible.

  20. NoMoFoMe

    Lying about age comes with the gay male condition…obligate if the subject is over 35, optional prior to that. Then, they start fudging a year or two, four in the 40s, 5+ in the 50s, then they go into double digits and start plastic surgery and butt lifts. Always has been that way and always will be. I should know…I’ve been gay since the mud-1960s. And yes, I AM OLD! Are they worse than str8s about lying about age? Oh HELL yes!

  21. Renard

    I’ll be sixty-six in two weeks and don’t look fifty. I’m a topman and have never owned a cock ring. My erections are strong and I routinely remain engorged for hours. Indeed, I am very blessed. I shave sixteen years from my age and NO ONE ever suspects. I have no wrinkles, have a full head of hair (which is mixed), and my musculature is firm. This week, my twenty-seven year old buddy came by Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday – and would’ve cum by today, Thursday, but I’m healing from his teeth…. I rarely play with dudes over fifty and prefer my men to be between twenty-five and forty. I always apprise dudes of my actual age after we play; I usually get carded once a month. Men are very vain and gay men are extremely ageist and surprisingly racist – but that’s not why I lie. My generation of gay/bisexual men was heavily impacted by AIDS during those fifteen hopeless years. Consequently, I had no choice but to becum comfortable with those outside of my age range and race. I utilize my one lie in order to satisfy my thirst for constant fellatio on my glorious and humongous cock. Essentially, for me, lying is essential….

    • Ken

      On the flip side, what if, or maybe, they suspected you were older but they were being polite and didn’t say anything because they didn’t want to hurt your feelings? I was with couple of older guys who probably lied about their age to me, because they looked older than they claimed or maybe they just had a rough life making them look older, but I was polite or horny or both and didn’t say anything! And if you are in SF and not ageist, I would like to go out with you 🙂

  22. joseph

    I’m turning 57 Oct 2, I don’t feel 57, I feel younger and I think I look younger also. Now having said that my on online age is 49 and holding. My reasoning for that is simple I’m in denial about ageing. Boo Hoo! I think I do it because we live in a ageist society, I’ve had to grow a thick skin for protection from haters on online I find them every where. We as gay men can be mean to each other to the point of damaging our brothers ego, his sense of self worth, and click , block and have no accountability for the damage we leave behind. We hide behind the internet and troll, do damage, sometime catastrophic. We all need to have more empathy and just remember the golden rule , “do onto others as you would have them do to you”. I’m going to change my age online now that I outed myself. Its the right thing to do , I do look younger so why worry right?
    joseph aka Pizoman on adam

  23. bob

    I know straight people of all ages who sometimes shave years off their ages. I know myself once I have done a profile on a site, I never look at it again. I have a feeling many other people do the same thing, it is not deliberate. I don’t think people say, oh wait, it’s January 1st, time to update my silverdaddies and adam4adam profile age.

  24. AJ

    Admittedly, there have been a couple instances where I’ve rounded down on my age by a couple years, but it was for strictly vain reasons, I wanted to be under an age limit for a particular guy I was hot for, similar things like that. However, to me it’s a lot more disturbing about the guys who claim themselves as a certain age and a decade can go by and they’re still the same freaking age. Not to mention they use the same pictures for a decade and when you confront them about their age or that the picture happens to have a timestamp from the last decade, they get all defensive. LOL.

  25. dateme

    Today, online dating apps have intersected many gay men of differing ages and backgrounds. And though these apps may be seen as grassroots one-night stand delivery services, they also provide rich, rare inter-age experiences where younger and older gay men, already comfortable under the veil of physical intimacy, can communicate and dispense insight into the minefield that is the modern gay dating world.

  26. Matt (Black)

    I think most guys young and old on sex sites go for younger guys with slim swimmer’s bodies and/or muscular builts.
    Very few are into the older daddy type with the daddy body type. A lot of younger guys say they would sacrifice sexual activities a older guy as long as he is super hot or have money to give them!!!!! So to generalize, we live in a very sexual, visual, age bias society and older guys lie about their age to get more hits on sex sites which equates to a higher probability of getting good sex.

    • Hunter0500

      Not sure “most” is on target. Maybe more like “many”.

      After all, look at all the profiles on A4A for guys who are over 38 and who report great, regular sex with guys also over 38 (some perhaps decades over 38). Some guys are comfortable with guys about their own ages, but other guys are comfortable with guys of any age.

      A focus on age seems to come primarily from those who are younger and those who are slipping out of being so. Yes, there are also many older guys seek younger guys. Some younger guys seek older guys, as well.

  27. J

    If you are willing to Lie about age, and who you are… what else are you going to Lie about.?? Can’t build relationships or friendships based on Lies.

  28. Kamikapse

    Saying that the models were between 26 and 38 could potentially be very misleading if the 38 year old guy was just a one off vs a gazillion of 26 year olds

    I’d have to echo his sentiment that on all gay sites (not just this one) super young studs are glorified putting a lot of pressure on gay guys to compete with that ideal

  29. Eric

    We all know why. BUT a better question is why do guys feel a need to present themselves as something that they’re not, just to satisfy someone else’s desires.
    For every one guy who thinks that I’m too old at 41, there’s at least three other guys who don’t care.
    The key to the game is to love whoever loves you.

  30. Lamar

    Isn’t it crazy, how everyone wants to live forever, but never get old? I brag a bit, about being latest of 50’s, grateful, as many don’t make it this far. Even as a much younger man, I saw s/p-grey haired, handsome men that just drove me wild. It’s all the rage now, these older movie stars (mostly men) allowing and enjoying their new mature look. A handsome man shouldn’t really bother with that kind of insecurity, unless of course, you’re looking for younger men, that’s a trap you devised, you’ll never keep-up. No to mention, those kinds encounters usually end in cash transactions, anyway, lol… It’s a messy-immature world, instead of being grateful for every year you’re alive and well; foolishly, scared of the inevitable. Look your best at whatever your age.

  31. roy delarosa

    so true, or they put down 99. like what the hack is that. I have never lied about my age and have it change every year. if u are so afraid to tell, than why do u want to use this site for or others. grow up guys, u are not getting younger so face it.

    • Steven

      Isn’t “99” a rebellion against online categorization by age?

      Judging by profile pics & text, I’d guess half of “99” year olds are under 40, without major motive to fib. While posting my real age (62), I welcome their resistance.

      Way better than tiresome lies.

  32. Ken94110

    Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, has lied at some point in their lives! Haven’t you Angels? It’s the human nature and we shouldn’t judge people based on a few situational lies and deduce and dismiss everyone as unethical. I don’t assume, if someone lied about their age, what else they’re capable of?! A lot of people come clean when need be and tell the truth, only real sociopaths don’t!!

    IRL, I tell my real age to those nosy ones who dare to ask, but online, because there are so many judgmental, dismissive, and ageist gays(especially Millennials), I used to lie by about 5 years, but now I just post my real age, 54, and don’t give a hoot anymore. Adversely, I add 5-10 years to everyone’s claimed age on their profile judging by their outdated photos. I’ve played sports or worked out all my life since high school and eat well and look much more younger than my youngest brother(46) and yet everyone guesses me to be the youngest brother! All my brothers drank alcohol or smoked cigs since HS and they look really haggard. Many people still guess my age to be around 45.

    Almost most gays, but not all, lie about their age, dick size, height, weight, location, or other things, and the older they are, the more outdated are their photos! Thanks to Instagram, a lot of gays, especially Millennials, are catching up and updating their photos daily. I am not photogenic and get more attention in person than my photos or on hookup apps.

    Anyway, many gays treat many legit dating apps as hookup apps and lie about their age, because they figure, there are a lot of ageist or reverse ageist guys out there, and they’re going to lie to broaden their horizons and chances of getting laid, because they figure, they’re on a hook up site after all and not intending to marry their OneNightStand tricks; so a little white lie won’t hurt anyone!

  33. It's Me

    It isn’t only gay men who lie about their age on sites. I am bi and on the straight apps, it is crazy how much they lie both women and men.
    I will admit I do lie about my age because I like younger guys and because so many other guys lie about their age, the perceived “look” of a 50 year old guy is actually some 65 year old saying he’s 50.
    When I meet someone in person, I always tell them my real age.
    Funny thing, I met an older guy who lied about his age and we both like younger guys so we were both fooled. Lol But the thing is, it might actually go somewhere because we are age appropriate but both still have the looks of being younger.

  34. Derrick

    Cripes. I am always astonished by how sanctimonious guys are commenting on these blogs and how they sound like some Nun teaching high school or someone’s maiden Aunt. “If he lies about his age, what else is he lying about?” Tell me these same guys don’t call in sick to work to take mental health days. The euphemism here is a “white lie”. Stop being so self righteous.

  35. Jay

    “Lying” about your age is not a big deal, especially when you look younger. Telling the truth could actually be a lie if you don’t look your age. Perception is reality. The real question people want to know is “are you fuckable?” If you’re 60 and actually look 60, you’re not fuckable. However, if you’re 60 and look 45, you might be fuckable. The number isn’t what matters. Your looks are what matter. In real life, I would never ask for someone’s age. It’s rude and impertinent.

  36. Mark

    It would be more interesting to survey a4a members to see how they treat ages listed in the app or site. Based on my, admittedly, anecdotal reviews, profile responses decrease by 10-25% for each decade past 49…. There are, of course, always exceptions to the rule. There is a legion of 18-25 year olds who will only respond to the plus 50 group. Of course most of them are in Ghana, but still…

  37. Mark

    I also enjoy that I’m getting older, fatter and shorter while my gay brethren seem to get younger, thinner and taller. Not that I’m counting…

  38. Mikey

    They lie for the same reason you call this site and other sites “dating apps” They’re not. Just call it what they are. Places to find a quick hookup. Yea, by accident there are a few love stories, but that’s not the primary purpose.

    Most guys dont lie on ACTUAL dating sites. But they all use the same pics on both. That’s how you know they lie. They’re on a g-rated site as 54 and here as 39.

    I long ago gave up looking for that “one regular fwb I can blow ” that I came here hoping to find. After a few dozen “perfect matches” I finally realized that everyone just tailors their story and profile to what works right now. No matter what you say you want or agree on, its going to be a one time or very occasional, semi anonymous 15 minute thing. (I just like to give bjs)

    So I finally said screw it and joined the crowd.

    I’m std free, and tested constantly, so I know I’m not actually putting anyone at risk with my “lies”

    I’m 36 in real life. 34 if you have “nobody over 35” on your profile. Or I’m 29 if you day 30.

    Why?

    Because I’ve been on here just as long as you and your age hasn’t changed in 5 years either. 5 years later you’re still “curious looking for your first bj from a guy” The same first bj I’ve given you 3 times with previous profiles.

    I’m “curious” too. If we meet, I’d like to try letting a guy finish in my mouth for the first time, and you’re the lucky one.

    Yes. I know my head was amazing and I swallowed without skipping a beat. I guess I’m just a natural.

    In the end, what’s it all come down to?

    I wanted to suck a dick. You wanted a bj.
    We both got what we wanted

    You can pretend that this 4th time you met me at the same place is your first bj from a guy. And I wont compare this first time I swallowed to the couple hundred other times I have.

    You’ll delete your profile. And I’ll see ya in about 6 months. Dark room. Same address.

  39. Bill

    In the gay world age is a curse, Don’t let anyone tell you differently… I look lots younger than I actually am, If I put my correct age on a site no one will talk to me,, oh yea, some say age is just a number then they ask me for money. they are the kind ones others are down right rude and offensive, and the guy who said if you lie about your age what else are you lying about… I can bet you a dollar to a donut he’s lying about the size of his dick…growing old is not fun, but all of us have to do it sometimes.

  40. Bill

    In the gay world age is a curse, Don’t let anyone tell you differently… I look lots younger than I actually am, If I put my correct age on a site no one will talk to me,, oh yea, some say age is just a number then they ask me for money. they are the kind ones others are down right rude and offensive, and the guy who said if you lie about your age what else are you lying about… I can bet you a dollar to a donut he’s lying about the size of his dick…growing old is not fun, but all of us have to do it sometimes.

  41. Hellyaboy

    IMO, I think people from all walks of life tend to lie about their age on any given site, because gettin old sucks & is generally regarded as less desirable by the majority. On the other end of it, being to young sucks & is also generally regarded as less desirable by the minority.

  42. Hellyaboy

    16 ?!
    LOL, WTF?
    That’s a interesting response.
    A 16 year old would likely be going in the opposite direction by adding at least 2 years…..

  43. rorapguy03

    The true reason is simple enough. Most young gay guys don’t want anything to do with a “grandpa” anywhere near their dick and/or ass. The younger (and especially better-looking) a gay guy is, the more chances he will have of “getting lucky” … Sad, too, because older guys love cumming as much as any young one does. I guess though if a young dude considers an older man to have wrinkles on most of his face and body, then those wrinkles are also going to be on his dick. (smh) So, we 62-year-old’s go without, as it were, and just dream about making it with someone younger. Like I said … Sad. End of story.

  44. RealEbonyLove2019

    J on 13 September, 2019 at 08:59Reply
    “If you are willing to Lie about age, and who you are… what else are you going to Lie about.?? Can’t build relationships or friendships based on Lies.”

    THIS – all of what J said IS TRUE in the end of matters. :-\

  45. Mark

    It is not just gay men, when I was screwing around with women, they were just as bad! None gender issue here, people in general lie about ones age as some are hooked on certain ages as acceptable mostly 25-40ish…..under 25 is too young and ver 45 is just too old. Not sure why this is??

  46. Lou

    I am 64 and post my real age. I know a lot of guys ignore me but I don’t care. Sex has become different as I’ve aged, this is not the case for a lot of guys my age but it is for me. I still look pretty good so I get a lot of guys questioning how recent my pictures are. You can’t win.
    I’d like to find a life partner but I’m convinced it’s not going to happen on dating web sites. In the meantime, I have learned to treasure the people in my life and I am peaceful and content, looking forward to my next adventures.

  47. UNCLEJIM WHIPKEY

    Well I been out since 1968? When I was in AirForce! So you do math! Always try to be honest on profiles! Hell if they meet you and you say 28 6’4″ and weight 200! And you are not they going notice! I like when guys say they 200 and they bigger around d than me! I am 6’2″ 240-250? And they lots bigger than me?..
    age 71 and proud of it ! Still test Neg! But probably done more bareback than lots!
    I do tell untruths about being bottom, if I list top or versatile I get hit on by all horny guys no matter what !

  48. Fallon

    I am 34 and have always wanted men who were older than me, at 18, “older” to me was 33-38, NOW it’s 44-58 lol and to be honest men in those age groups are the BEST on bottom! Older men tend to be more masculine, more level headed and willing to listen and debate rather than dominate and argue with you….at this age I am even side eyeing guys younger than me. If you are 21-34 you better be THICK , BEARDED AND CHOCOLATE LOL….

  49. Jim

    Just my opinion, I think we all want a chance at meeting someone. There are a lot of guys that won’t even give you a look if you are over a particular age. I think some guys tell that little white lie just to get a shot. I am close to 50 and truthfully there are less guys interested than there were when I was 40 or 30 or 20. I think age is only a number. In my experience almost all of my relationships have been with men that are older than me. One guy fessed up when we met that he had in fact adjusted his age by 8 years. I didn’t care. He was really nice, very good looking, was fun to talk to and we had a wonderful time together. There are a lot of younger guys that won’t look at an older guy and just as many older guys that only want a twink or a son. I don’t let a guys age decide if I am interested in him or not, I let how I feel with him dictate that.

  50. Dan

    Another perspective. For a long time when I first started internet dating the sites kept up with the age according to your birthday so I never had to change it. After so many years online I take it for granted that it’s right. As for the lying? They lie and try to obscure just about everything. Hunter mentioned alot of handsome older profile pictures on the dating sites. Those guy rarely go online. Mostly guys that are married, in the closet or trying to pull a con job by lying about their stats and only taking weird pics of their body parts close up like the middle of the hairy chest pic. Don’t try to fool us guys we know you are hiding a hairy pair of tits to either side of that. Some like that so be honest, they will eventually see them if there is a hookup. I’m an overweight amputee. I’m not most guys cup of tea. I used to know a very attractive guy who was into old wrinkly dudes. I’d rather wait until someone who actualy has lust for my chubby ass than someone pissed off because they clearly have been decieved.

  51. Steph

    You could break down the psychology of the lie and to some degree, the psychopathy of the liar but it’s pretty self-explanatory. Our LGBT culture is youth-obsessed. Many lie or mislead to protect themselves from discrimination on that front.
    And let’s not be obtuse, bi & gay men are much more likely to lie about their age than theur straight male counterparts. Match’s survey found that 8.8 percent of straight men lie on apps. That same survey noted that 44 percent of gay men and 56 percent of bi men lie about their age.
    From time to time, I’ll get a message from someone 20 years older than me. Usually something sweet. But I always reply something along the lines of thanks but no thanks. The list of people my parent’s age that I want to get intimate with is short.
    That being said, I don’t discuss my age at all. Not with dates, not with friends. It’s a whole thing with me that comes with a whole backstory I’m not about to get into. I just happen to work in an industry where this is common and not questioned. Yay me!

  52. Wayne

    I’m 64 and soon to be 65, my age is there like it or move on. I call the shots because I’m bisexual and still enjoy pussy from all ages. I workout 5 days a week along with daily sauna and steam. I don’t smoke, drink or do drugs…those things age you as well and destroy your health. I turn down a lot of men because I’m only into fems, transgenders and female… that’s a whole new blog there. I meet people in their 20s who look old as dirt. No matter your age nothing will work if you don’t slow down and take care of the body you have now.

  53. wolf33305

    Lying about your age is a total deal-breaker for me. A liar is a liar is a liar. And, if the first lie is about their age, the second lie is that they aren’t going to lie again…

  54. Diic

    I’ve encountered a few of those who have lied about their age. Do they get a second chance from me? Nope, because if you are going to lie about your age, it makes me wonder what else you’re willing to lie about. Two examples: one has told me he’s 39 for about 13 years, when in fact, he’s 52-53; the other, 52 but in fact, he’s 70…the way I see it, ppl like both of these men, they need to be left alone. How dare one seeks out honesty while he’s starting off with A LIE…folks need to get hip with aging, as our bodies are a reflection of our lifestyle…one can argue with themselves about that one…

  55. Christopher J Carta

    It is a sad fact that as we age we become invisible in our society. Sexually speaking, men are wired this way when looking for a mate. Reproduction plays a big part here. The younger the mate guarantees fertility and older men were sought out because of being able to provide for his younger mate. One more thing the AIDS crisis took alot of men who would be in their 50’s and 60’s by now and they would be mentoring alot of theses younger guys like a father to his son. Funny whenever I have an issue with a younger guy and things get heated the first thing they mention is my age. I am turning 57yrs old this week. My perspective about life is better now. In regard to looks my looks have stayed much the same with a few more wrinkles and gray hair.. The one factor none of us have control over is our Gene’s. Some of us are born with good Genetics and age well.

  56. Jack

    Who’s doing the lying; older men trying to sleep with younger men. You can whine about society all you like, but the truth is you’re trying to get into the pants of someone younger than yourself or someone who is around your age who is shallow.
    I especially love older men who say they date younger men because they themselves have a younger mindset. There’s a word for that it’s immaturity.
    I’ve always played with boys my own age both physically and emotionally my own age. I welcome the “ageism” it separates the men from the perpetual boys.

  57. WaitingForTheNextSurprise

    I was decieved by my first boyfriend for almost 3 months about his age. The year was 2000 the month August. I was finally out from under my parents’ thumb and living away at college for the first time. I had a brand new civic and gas was less than $1.35/gallon. I met this sexy guy in an AOL chatroom. We chatted for a bit online then he called me on the phone. We spoke on the phone for close to 2 hours. We agreed to meet the next day outside a Burdines (before they merged and were forced to change their name.) I drove close to 55 miles [almost back to my parents house it seemed]. When I pulled up he looked at me; I looked at him. He told me to follow him; I followed for what seemed like 10 miles but was only 4 (traffic was terrible on the road). We pulled up to what seemed like a single family home but was actually a duplex on the intracoastal. He invited me in and we talked for a bit. I asked him how old he was and very convincingly with no hesitation he told me he was 27. We started kissing and fooling around; we fucked then took a nap. Woke up and fucked again (a little longer this time). Kissed some more. We both climaxed and then showered and I was on my way. I didn’t think twice about him, but he called me later that week and asked when we could hang out again. Soon this hook-up became a full fledge relationship and 3 months into it I was sitting at his desk doing homework and I looked at his college diploma and saw the year 1992. I stopped and calculated the year he was born backward 1992-22 (average age of college graduates) = 1970… I said to myself he is either a genius and graduated high school and college early because 2000-27 (age he claimed to be) = 1973 || 1992-1973=19 (age he would have graduated college if he actually was 27 at the time) or he lied to me and he was actually 30… I was frustrated because he took the choice away from me whether I would date someone more than ten years older than me…. When I confronted him he kind of grinned and said, “My driver’s license has been sitting on the table the whole time and you even looked at it multiple times.” He was 31 years old and born on (if you can believe this) 6-6-69… FUCKING scary….. Even scarier my 2nd boyfriend’s birthday is 6-9-66. So that is my rant on the subject….

  58. Deceived When 18

    I was decieved by my first boyfriend for almost 3 months about his age. The year was 2000 the month August. I was finally out from under my parents’ thumb and living away at college for the first time. I had a brand new civic and gas was less than $1.35/gallon. I met this sexy guy in an AOL chatroom. We chatted for a bit online then he called me on the phone. We spoke on the phone for close to 2 hours. We agreed to meet the next day outside a Burdines (before they merged and were forced to change their name.) I drove close to 55 miles [almost back to my parents house it seemed]. When I pulled up he looked at me; I looked at him. He told me to follow him; I followed for what seemed like 10 miles but was only 4 (traffic was terrible on the road). We pulled up to what seemed like a single family home but was actually a duplex on the intracoastal. He invited me in and we talked for a bit. I asked him how old he was and very convincingly with no hesitation he told me he was 27….

  59. Ricky

    I don’t know either but in my experience, the men i’ve been with that are almost 50 and older are so much so much better than any of the 30something guys I have ever met….age and looks are good to judge by the cover but for me, passion and chemistry are so much more important!

  60. Dan

    I once had a great conversation with a guy on a site. Conversation got a little hot and heavy. I then said I was 38 and then it ended. So, I opened a new ad on the same site, and spoke to the same guy. I was now 28 and needless to say, we screwed like rabbits. Yes, he was a jerk, but I made my point.

  61. Brian

    The vast majority of young guys have an irrational fantasy that they are somehow automatically a superior commodity in the meat market simply because of their age, while they are simultaneously in sheer denial about their actual objective physical appearance which is dictated primarily by heredity and secondarily by lifestyle before age even becomes a third factor. Assuming rationally that nature produces variation in attractiveness randomly, but somewhat evenly, across a scale of 1 to 10, then roughly 10% of guys score a 10, and so on down the line. On closer examination, it turns out that the variation is distributed more like a bell curve, so that the bulk of the population size is concentrated in the average range (4, 5, 6) and then trails off in size going up, and down, the scale, so that really less than 10% of guys score a 10. Then go back to heredity and lifestyle, and how those two factors effect age by producing widely differing results in the rate at which guys age biologically versus chronologically. Think of the guys you knew in high school and college who were unusually cute at the time, and then you saw them 10 or 20 years later and they were bald, fat, and rapidly aged beyond their years. The net result of all of these variables is that we are surrounded every day by massive numbers of living evidence among the everyday population that prove how age and beauty do not automatically correlate. Most visibly in public life, we see that James Franco at age 41, Ryan Reynolds at age 42, James Marsden at age 45, Ethan Hawke at age 48, Paul Rudd at age 50, Will Smith at age 50, Hugh Jackman at age 50, Daniel Craig at age 50, Jeffrey Dean Morgan at age 53, Patrick Dempsey at age 53, Rob Lowe at age 55, Keanu Reeves at age 55, Brad Pitt at age 55, John Stamos at age 56, Tom Cruise at age 57, George Clooney at age 58, Pierce Brosnan at age 66, and countless others, ALL LOOK MORE ATTRACTIVE NOW THAN 90% OF ALL 18+ YEAR OLD GUYS WILL EVER LOOK IN THEIR ENTIRE LIFETIMES. For me personally, I consider myself lucky to have had an unusually long ride as a fairly solid 8 on the scale until I entered my 50’s, and I’m not particularly shattered to find that Mother Nature has rolled me down into the average range, perhaps a 6 on the scale for the time being. This actually makes me feel relieved that I was never a 10, because Mother Nature will ultimately sink the majority of 10’s down to a 5 on a good day, way before age 50, and the bigger they are, the harder they fall. You should certainly make the most of your youth while you have it, but this rampant habit (especially in gay male culture) of unrealistically overestimating your value based simply on your youth, or overestimating the longevity of your hotness if you are among the very small minority who are legitimately among the 9’s and 10’s, is just begging for a harsh reality check to bitch slap you. Every time I see a young guy who mistakenly thinks he is hot stuff, which happens extremely often, merely because he is younger, while he is oblivious to the fact that he looks a lot worse that I ever did even when I was two decades older than him, I just just laugh to myself, knowing that little Miss Thing is woefully unequipped for a very challenging competition in the realities of the meat market. And when I occasionally see a legitimately hot looking younger guy who thinks his hotness is permanent, which is almost always what they think, I walk away knowing that guy is entirely clueless that Mother Nature is barreling toward him much faster than he realizes, carrying a huge load of RUDE AWAKENING that is going to slam into him like a freight train.

  62. buz

    Being older, 71, I make it a point to be very open and honest regarding age. For that matter think it’s a good idea to be honest about most things. You are what you are and age is a good reflection on experiences you have discovered thru the years.
    There are, of course, things I omit in a profile that I feel are personal and would have no bearing on our meeting. But eventually if your goal is to meet I think it’s a good idea to be as honest as possible.
    I feel also that if I am always honest it is much easier to figure out if the guy you’re communicating with is being honest also. If a story changes it has to be on his side since the truth really never varies.
    Of course to each his own and if I found out a guy shaved off a few years I would have to assess what the rest of the experience was like and if there was enough truth to continue because I would not continue seeing someone who was constantly lying.
    Why bother?

  63. Cocotazo

    It’s not just gay men. Everyone does it simply because they are insecure and afraid of what others may think of them

    Gays are notorious for not being transparent about pretty much anything . They are at the top of the list as being insecure and are a “community” that judges and marginalized each other to death for every reason imaginable

    On social media, people judge who you are and decide you are no good simply because of a picture or where you are located etc etc

    It’s sad and as a gay man honestly must say I’m ashamed and embarrassed to be part of this community. Not everyone is like this. There are many decent gays out there who are just looking to make meaningful connections

    I wish them well . It’s hard to make connections when social media has become a breeding ground for hate and h happiness if all sorts

  64. Tom

    A liar is a liar is a liar is a liar. It doesn’t matter what they lie about. They lie about age, height, weight, dick sizes, and statuses. Most gay men are just that….liars. Sad, but truth. If you are going to lie about something as simple as age, then you’re going to lie about even bigger things. Lying shouldn’t be acceptable gay or not.

  65. Randy Hart

    When I was in my mid-20s, I was chatting with a hot guy in his early 30s. He excused himself, went to the bar, and talked to a middle-aged man. When he came back, he showed me a ring that looked very valuable. “Look what that old toad gave me,” he said. My response: “Someday, if you’re lucky, you’ll be an old toad.” That was over 40 years ago. I’m sure that he died in the early years of the AIDS epidemic. I’m still here, and I have to say that the majority of gay men are the most ageist individuals I’ve ever met. I don’t like to post my age because, when I meet people, they think I’m 20 years younger than I am, and I know that I’d never meet anyone if I gave my true age.

    When I was young, I wanted an older lover. But all the older men I was attracted to were very closeted, and were afraid to be in a relationship with someone who was not. I’ve been “out” since I was 21–which was when I realized that I was gay. By the time I was 29, I decided to forget about older men and realized that I liked the energy of younger men. I’ve stayed friends with some of those old flames. I fell deeply in love with two of them, only to be rejected as “too old.” One was 21 when I was 29. Another was 20 when I was 42. I’ve aged better than either of them, and am in much better shape physically than they are.

  66. Eric

    Lie about my age in the dating apps, I’ve been lying about my age before we even had computers, I’ve been lying so long I don’t know what my real age is anymore.


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