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Dating: What Dating Advice Would You Give Your Younger Self?

(Photo Credits: Marcelo Chagas from Pexels)

They say hindsight is 20/20 and that is fine. We can’t change the past but at least, we know better now and because of this, we can change the way we feel, think, and the way we’ll navigate our future relationships. Right?

That being said, if you knew then what you know now, what dating advice do you wish you could give to your younger self? We lurked the internet and here is what others had to say about the topic:

  • Never let your insecurities jeopardize your relationship.
  • Stop trying so hard.
  • Just let your relationship develop naturally.
  • Keep expectations practical and real.
  • Nobody is perfect and everyone has a flaw. The key is to love them in spite of their imperfections. 
  • Run the other way if they are gaslighting you, using you, or abusing you physically and emotionally.
  • Support and encourage each other in every way possible (emotionally, career-wise, etc.).
  • Give each other space and respect it.
  • Patience, trust, and communication are very important. Listen to him, REALLY listen. Conversely, you need to speak out also instead of keeping your feelings bottled up. But in a nice way, you know, which means no shouting.
  • Love yourself first.
  • Respect him.
  • You can’t change anyone.
  • Forgive him.
  • The first 20 guys will break your heart. Not exactly 20, but you know what we mean.
  • Focus on enjoying the present. Some guys, they say, are too caught up with what could potentially go wrong in their relationship or with something that may or may not happen in the future that they become unhappy in the end.

And here is mine: Be yourself, don’t try to impress him. And be kind to yourself. How about you, guys? What dating advice would you give your younger self and why? Share with us your thoughts and dating stories in the comments section below.

There are 21 comments

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  1. DayShadow

    Don’t come out of the closet or you’ll find that gay people generally have zero clue when it comes to loyalty, morals, and class. Sites that you’ll go in have people that actually find it permissable to post pictures of their butt hole for the world to see and don’t get me started on the behavior when it comes not caring about themselves so sure as heck not you. The bottom line is if you do don’t touch 95% of them. Not that this will get posted, god forbid one of you think about something other than your dick.

  2. AJL

    Don’t rush into something.
    Get to know each other. The most charming man can turn into someone different when you live with them. Dr Jeckle and Mr Hyde.

    Don’t settle.
    Just because someone wants to be with you, doesn’t mean they are the right one for you. It’s okay to be single. Know that you deserve to be happy and to be with someone who loves you as much as you love them. If you settle for less you will never be happy. Hold out for the right one.

    This next one is a biggie, and it’s not my advise it’s RuPaul’s. You need to love yourself before you can love somebody else. That is the gospel truth. It’s the first step. If you don’t do this first you are doomed to fail.

    Take it from someone who has made these mistakes over and over. I’ve had 4 longterm(2yrs -8yr) relationships. Spent most of my adult life in bad relationships. I’m currently single, but optimistic. I put myself out there, but I don’t make the same mistakes anymore.

    • tim

      that’s bullshit. Guys want the tall athletic model with a full head of hair with a good job. What they fail to realize is those rarified guys aren’t even going to look twice at them. Be realistic with your expectations in all things.

  3. Matt

    Through my teens and twenties, I gravitated to men 20-30 years older than me because gay guys my age were immature drama queens. Mature men are more likely to have…well…maturity. My advice to young men, is find an older more down-to-earth man.

    Step two: Avoid drama at all cost.

    Step three: Do NOT live as a political gay i.e. your relationship is not a political statement.

    Step four: Monogamy? Riiiiight. Gay men don’t do that, so don’t act like a woman and expect it of a man.

  4. Hunter0500

    “The first 20 guys will break your heart.”

    Couple of mindset problems there. First, it’s defeatist. “Why take dating seriously if it’s just going to crash and burn?” Second, it implies there’s only one option for relationship success … long-term monogamy. A rarity in gay relationships. Impossible for most guys. Wanted by few.

  5. Frizzurd

    I want a long term relationship. I will never accept this destructive hedonism most gay men seem to want. You either die of disease, or you live long enough to be a dirty old man who creeps on guys much too young.

  6. franz

    I would tell my younger self to talk with my partner by the 2-3rd. date.., That they need to be upfront-honest do they want an open-relationship or Monogamous ? this will save a few arguments.

  7. Kyle Hazard

    for me its whats the RUSH cool your jets and take more than just two weeks to get to know him I rushed into it way to fast take at least 12 months to really get to know him check out his credit report and credit scores make sure he has a JOB!! and gets paid ask for an HIV test before you two have sex!! and take at least 1 year off in between relationships to get to know you single all over again go out do a movie a ball game a lone and I do not miss his snoring or his negative attitude at at he is now on his 5th “HUSBAND I am single now and looking wink wink

  8. Lamar

    Be very selective, “none of that come what may” bullshit, be careful who you fall-in with as far as friends. I really like everybody’s responses on here, though, sounds like you’ve all grounded yourselves, learning a few things…

    For myself, also, there’s plenty of racism among ‘us’ too, so take nothing for granted just because ‘we’ are of this fringe/minority group, so make sure they like/love you for you and not some color-based antiquated sexual-prowess. Find/love yourself, first, learn what love ‘really’ is, don’t get too caught-up in all of the fun, yes and silliness.

    At this age, its just an extension of your former high-school days, really. Keep your eyes, mind and heart on the prize, love, is what in the long run is important.

    Have fun, have much fun, but carefully!

  9. Nathan

    Nathan, says:

    Leave well enough, alone.

    The War was part-of-my-life…for better or worse. I am better for having lived it; I am worse for having lived it.

    Perhaps, if I could go back, I would have served even harder and even more efficiently; I would have cried the same.

    I am content with my life as I contributed to those whom I served.

  10. Ben

    Don’t waste your time. Boyfriends are like boats, expensive and a lot maintenance. Better to take a ride on someone else’s once in awhile and let someone else do all the work.

  11. Stephen

    If you catch them in a lie early on, there are going to be more lies. Stories can be lies. Be suspicious if they always want it to be just the two of you all the time. Be more suspicious if it’s NEVER just the two of you. They”re going to change to fit your needs about as much as you are to fit theirs. How much are you willing to change? Hopefully not much, cause if you both have to change to be together, you probably should not be together. If you know it’s time to end it, END IT. Take a break after you split up but if you really want a relationship don’t take too long to get back out there. I took a break and it has lasted 20 years. I am happier single. Lastly, DON”T DATE because everyone tell you should.

  12. Okzebra

    Be honest with your sexuality and don’t see it as an expression of seductive evil. Chase the men you find hot but don’t be too surprised if they’re just not that into you and really enjoy it when they are. Admit you don’t know, find one or two but not more mentors, and stay focused on your dream and ambition. Travel. Read. Listen. Play sports. Embrace the arts. Care about the powerless and dispossessed. You’re one of them.

  13. Jim

    Love comes in a ll shapes, sizes and ages. don’t judge because no one is perfect. don’t fall for a man that is married, you will always want different things.

  14. Jockn2cbt

    Find a woman, marry, have a couple kids, keep the gay shit to fantasy in the locker room. By 40-something you’ll have something tangible in an otherwise sexless miserable relationship, which you’d end up with playing it gay anyway. Growing old sucks either way. Don’t get me wrong, my gay life before the internet was a kick in the pants going on multiple-week sex binges ( no drugs, appropriate levels of alcohol) in big cities. If I had gone the straight path, I still would have been in good enough condition to explore the gay side. Being honest can suck too.

  15. Greg

    I would advise my younger self to see each date, sexual encounter, and relationship from two sides: mine and the other guy’s. I was so wrapped up in my own assumptions that I didn’t ask what each guy wanted. It would have saved me a lot of grief if I had found out, for example, that Tony only wanted a one-night stand, Ed wanted a fuck buddy, or Xavier wanted more of a commitment.

    (The homophobia expressed by some of the respondents above is sad. Blaming the gay community for one’s own disappointments is lashing out because of self-hatred.)

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